Know your tribe

I was recently reading an email from my friend Matthew Kimberley. He was writing about how he recently had gone to see an opera production and realized it wasn’t for him. He then wrote about how important it is to know your tribe and what motivates those in that tribe.

I loved his email. It helped me think about where my best relationships come from and had me thinking about a recent podcast guest I had. His name is Marc Morgenstern. He came on the show to talk about buying and selling a business. We ended up talking about how the Grateful Dead is a model for how to negotiate well.

Click here to see this episode on YouTube.

Marc and I had an immediate rapport. Not because of what we were supposed to talk about, but because of our affinity for the Grateful Dead. There was a common language for us to use and we both immediately knew what each other was talking about.

The easy way to be seen as an authority.

When you learn the language of the tribe you want to join, you will automatically be seen as one who understands.?

Let’s say you want to become well known in the construction world. The first thing you need to learn is the language that’s unique to that industry. Every industry and every tribe has jargon that’s unique to whoever they are.

It’s easy to find out what that language is. The only thing you must do is listen and observe. The more you do this, the easier it is for you to fit in.?

If you come from a different industry, make sure you don’t use the jargon from the industry you’re a part of. You want to learn how to use the jargon from the tribe you want to join.

When you first join a tribe, you might feel you don’t belong.

I know that when I go someplace new, it’s often an uncomfortable experience.

I’ve often talked about the first meeting I went to when I joined the life insurance industry. I didn’t know the language, and I didn’t know anyone there. It was an uncomfortable experience.

Eventually, I learned the language and started meeting people where I could have a conversation about things they were interested in.?

I found that when I started discovering a sub-set of folks at the large insurance company who focused on working with private business owners; I became more comfortable. Here was a group of people who were serving the people I knew well. It was easy for me to pick up their language and it was easy for that subset to realize that I should be part of their tribe.

The more know you know about the tribe you want to join, the easier it is to fit in.

It’s easy for me to fit into a group of business owners. It’s even easier when I look at the subsets within a group that work for me.

For me, the largest subset I can engage easily with is business owners. The subset below that are business owners who are also “Dead Heads.” When you find a subset that you can identify with, it’s easier for you to find your tribe.

Tribes often are relatively small and hard to find. It’ll take some work from you, and you’ll want to think about the subset of the tribe just as much as the main headline they might be under.

I get it. It’s uncomfortable at first, especially if you are a little shy.

Finding a new tribe or even introducing yourself to a tribe is uncomfortable. Until you’re welcomed into a conversation, you could feel that you're all alone and no one wants to talk with you.

Once others know you belong, you’ll find conversations come easily. If you don’t find conversations coming easily, you might not understand that language of that tribe or it might not be the right tribe for you. This is where you have to be honest with yourself.

Try this to integrate yourself into your chosen tribe.

Here are some things you can try to integrate yourself into the tribe you want to join:

Figure out what the tribe you want to join has in common with each other.

Make sure you like what this tribe is all about. This is really important. Life is too short to spend time with those that you would rather not be with.

Once you find your tribe. Announce to the world who they are. The more you talk about it, the easier it is for others to know they should talk with you.

Following these three steps might help you avoid feeling like an imposter and instead know that you’re with your people and you belong.

If you’re trying to figure out what tribe you want to join, we have an infographic that might help. It outlines our Stage 2 Decision process, where you’ll see a simple system to figure out what is the right things are or, in this case, if the tribe you’re thinking about is the right one. It’s easy to get it. Just click on the button below and we’ll have it on its way to you.