Know your limits

We're never too old to learn new things – and never too old to accept that we can’t be good at everything.

I grew up believing that being a successful man means never admitting to incompetence at anything. Asking for help is a sign of weakness - even at the risk of pretending to know what I'm doing and bodging it up.

This attitude has been costly. For example, I assured a friend I could drive his tractor but backed the trailer through the wall of his barn. I once flipped over a friend's snowmobile that I had no idea how to handle, almost killing both of us. I misidentified some mushrooms as edible, making the people who ate them sick. And I came close to hacking my leg with a chainsaw as it kicked back off a very hard knot.

People must wonder why I put myself, people, and their property at risk. But my pride seems to be worth more, or why else would I do it? I'm sure I'm not the only man (or woman) who does this, by the way.

My attitude was challenged several months ago by a friend visiting from Canada.

She runs a very successful architecture practice and is superbly competent in many area, but cheerfully admits to 'not being good at everyday things'. She expresses deep gratitude that her husband, business partner, children, and colleagues help her with everyday things, leaving her to focus on her strengths. She is unencumbered by the burden of proving herself to anyone, and free to be.

My wife looked intently at me during this conversation, hoping I would embrace this golden piece of wisdom. But it was not to be.

While I am competent at many things in business, I know I'm absolutely rubbish at planning and organising. My brain doesn't work that way. But recently I booked a hiking holiday without asking Deb for help, despite the fact that she is extremely competent at itineraries.

What happened was predictable. First, I booked the wrong date for overnight accommodation near the airport, causing stress for both host and me when I showed up a day early. Then I got the dates wrong - not once, but three times - for staying in a series of mountain huts in Austria. I sent out apologetic emails in German to try to correct my errors but kept getting it wrong and I had to apologise twice more, hugely confusing everyone. I also procrastinated organising other accommodation and had to pay over the odds.

In summary, I made a mess of something that could have been handled efficiently if I'd just spoken with my wife.

I am now declaring to myself and the world I am not good at everyday things. I am human and don't know everything! How liberating to ask for help before I need it, hopefully saving myself and others a lot over headaches.

I know many of us fear looking weak if we ask for help. Wouldn't it be grand if we gave that up?

Sorted. Sept/Oct 2023 - Sorted.96.p47