‘Know Your Child

                           

‘Know Your Child’

An awareness program by Renu Vashistha

If we understand the child at three and educate him accordingly, we will save money when he is sixteen. Understand how children grow and think.

Parent child relationship should be to the forefront of education like teacher and child relationship. Parents need to devote quality time to their children. Parents are the first teachers and the family is the first school of the child.

Some important points of child development are: 

?          Children need to feel, they are valued

?          Children need a sense of freedom

?          Children process experience through their feelings.

?          Children constantly learn

?          Children adopt the behavior of adults close to them.

All of us have the same ultimate aims for the growth of our children. We want them to be mentally and physically developed, disciplined, with a sense of self confidence, compassion and self worth. We also want them to have a love of learning that lasts through life. We can achieve this by giving regards to our children when they are very young.

Know your child workshop has been conducted to promote a wonderful bond between parent and child to explore his/ her potential to the fullest. We at Bakhal discuss with the parents about how to communicate better and create environment for the child to develop his /her holistic personality.

 Generally all of us are concerned about our kids but the problem is we don’t know exactly what to do. A child’s viewpoint is different from an adult’s (parents), the child is innocent and the parent is matured, they differ at every level, either physical, mental, socio or emotional. The Know Your Child workshop explains how to effectively respond to the Child’s behavioral patterns. There is a process of correcting a child and that is what is taught.

Stop saying “no, no, no” to your children to many things, use another way of putting it in a better way. The child will listen to you more.

Whenever you have to tell them something add reasoning behind it. For example, instead of telling them “Don’t jump on the bed, say if you jump on the bed then it will be spoiled or you may get hurt. Give them some examples from your personal experience or create a story to reason out your instructions. Then he/she would listen and he would tell his/her friends also not to jump on the bed. When we add the reasoning behind why we are asking him to do something it really helps.

What I experienced working with children is that when they are not doing anything and we want them to do something and they don’t want to do it and start resisting. In order to make them to do it we take a very hard way of pushing, shouting, scolding etc. When we try another way, an easier way to do it, for example, by diverting them, they still do what we want them to do. Either by the softer way or the harder way they do it. The only thing is that most of the time, we take the harsher way rather than the softer way. Actually we reflect our frustration when we nag our children.

It has been even notice that why children don’t listen or are hyperactive or don’t eat well is because they don’t get enough exercise, they need to be physically involved in many activities because they have lots of energy to burn out. Houses these days are not kids friendly. Think of the children who live in apartments, rooms are stuck up with lots of furniture no space to do running about. So one thing can be done, which really works is that have a kids-friendly house, ensure that they get enough physical exercise and activity in the day has an overall impact on every aspect of the child’s life. The appetite improves, they eat good food, they sleep well, and they listen to you because they have released their extra energies and space to take in more.

Overall the workshop raises awareness in parents. By understanding the child’s perspective they are able to promote the child’s well-being. It helps parents connect better with their children. Every parent should have that connection and understanding with their child before they correct their child. As a parent if you engage with your child as an individual, it makes a big difference.

The message today……………..

You know your child. You know how they learn; you know their struggles and their strengths. You know where they need to be challenged, and you know where they need to be helped. It’s good to get feedback from others, it’s good to see where maybe you could offer a little more challenge to your child, but FIRST you must trust that your instincts are right. First you must believe in yourself and your ability to teach your child what they need to know. When we lose faith in ourselves and our children, everything becomes a bigger struggle, a harder challenge than it needs to be.

Know your child. Trust yourself.

If the task is to work on reading, to learn how to read, then HE does the reading, but if the task is to learn something else and reading gets in the way, why restrict him? Why should we hold him back from learning what he is interested in simply because he is not at that reading level?

The idea that children are persons is one of the first principles that Charlotte Mason lays out in her writings. We need to consider this concept, not because Charlotte Mason said it, but because it is a scriptural truth.

?          God knew each one of us before the foundations of the earth (before conception)

?          God knew each of us while we were yet in the womb

?          God has a plan for us here on earth

?          Children are a part of Gods kingdom. In fact, He encouraged us adults to be like the little children, with simple but complete faith in Him.

Do you know each of your children?

?          Do you know of God’s design for your child? Do you see any passions, talents or strong            abilities developing?

?          Do you know his relational strengths and weaknesses? Do you know how they communicate love (love languages?)

?          Do you know his/her learning styles? How they best receive information, and then communicate what they know? Do you know what their needs are in order to process, think or remember information?

?          And maybe one of the most important – Do you know where his Heart is at with God?

Three ways to Learn about your Child

When we consider our children as persons – whole, complete persons, persons who are growing then we give ourselves the opportunity, and the privilege, to get to know them. Sometimes we understand the idea of ‘getting to know’ our adult friends but really, we can get to know our children in much the same way – and yet hopefully even deeper

1–Pray about it: We need to ask God – He is the only one with an instruction manual for our child. I believe God can put things on our heart that helps us know and understand our children and their needs.

2–Let them play: Give children plenty of free time (with the only expectation being that they play with self-control and purpose). When our children have free time they gravitate towards things that they love.

3–Observe and ponder: We need to spend time with them, observing their choices and reactions. Don’t be quick to make assessments just take notes, collect information, and let them blossom. Our children are young and still growing and becoming. But the things we notice can give us a guide.

Be prepared to change direction

This is hard but as our children grows; as we learn more about them, as family dynamics change we have to be prepared to change directions. Though our personal learning style doesn’t change, we need to change our teaching style to help our children to reach their best.

To be flexible has been one of the most necessary lessons for us to learn as a parent. If we don’t like the fruit that we see we need to change what we have been doing.

There is a sequence of questions here for you to reflect on.

?          Do you know your child?

?          And is your educational plan suitable to him/her?

?          Is it preparing him/her for their life ahead?

?          Is it meeting his/her needs?

?          Are you prepared to change direction in order for a rich and deep education for each of your children?

Reasons why your child really needs to know your love

It has been observed that the system does not work properly; the popular children get the most encouragement and feel even more loved. The children, who really need to feel loved, get nothing. It’s tough, isn’t it? And sad even

And it’s one of the reasons why your child REALLY needs to know your love:

1: Your child needs to know YOUR love because the world may not always love them.

Life’s hard knocks will come. How important then, that your child knows your love, unconditionally.

Always speak a positive word or encouragement to your children before they leave for school, because once they were out the door, they have no control over the negative words they would encounter.

2: Your child needs to know YOUR love because YOU know how to love your child best.

Believe it or not, you are the best mum (or dad) your child could ever have! You know them better than anyone else. With time and intention, you can learn to love them as they best need to be loved! Each child is different, and who better to know that than their parent.

3: Your child needs to know YOUR love because YOUR love leads them to a GREATER love. Yes, it’s true. God uses you to show His love to your child!

Each time you hug your son, your Father God hugs him too. Each time you wipe your daughter’s tears, the god wipes them too. Each time you reach out to your child in love, God is able to show His love through you.

It doesn’t matter if you feel like a good mum or not (remember, you’re the best mum your child can have), or mess up (we all do), God still shines his love through you, through every little thing you do for your child each day.

 They are the three fantastic reasons to love our kids.

Now, I know you do love your kids. I love mine too, lots.

But I still want to learn how to love them with intention, and how to love each one in the way that means the most to them.

Myths and facts about scolding

Myth: Parents never abuse their own children.

Fact: By scolding and beating, parents emotionally abuse their children.

Myth: Scolding can help discipline children.

Fact: Scolding can’t bring discipline; it may instead become the root cause for behavioral issues in children.

Myth: Scolding your child in public can make her listen to you.

Fact: Scolding in public can make your child obstinate.

Myth: Scolding can make the child speak the truth.

Fact: Scolding will lead him to hide the truth.

Myth: Scolding helps parents control their child’s behaviour.

Fact: Parents who use scolding as their weapon are not in control. It does not teach children to change their behaviour. Instead, it makes children fearful or aggressive.

Myth: Good parents don’t get irritated or angry with their children’s behavior.

Fact: All parents get annoyed by their children’s behaviour at times. It is okay to be angry, but it is not okay to hurt your children in anger.

Myth: Scolding can make your child listen to you always

Fact: Scolding is not the key to make your child listen. Instead, it leads to violent behavior.

“Scolding is not a good weapon for parents or parenting”. Be a positive parent and inculcate positive parenting techniques. Never abuse your children by not knowing the limits of scolding. Always keep this in your mind, “Yelling silences your message. Speak quietly so your children can hear your words instead of just your voice.” – L.R.Knost

Have a positive approach to life

?          Wake up your child calmly.

?          Help her do her chores in a composed way.

?          Talk to him lovingly.

?          Never scold while they're having their food.

?          Avoid scolding when they go to bed.

?          Stop using harsh words.

?          Use lot of positive strokes.

?          Never put down your children in front of others.

?          Send them to school with a peaceful mind.

?          Receive them from school with a happy mind.

?          When you scold them, give appropriate reasons and explanations which are suited to their age and understanding.

?          Enjoy your child’s presence.

?          Get help from experts and manage your anger in an effective and positive way.

Watch your body language, tone of voice and use of words when you are with your child. If you feel you are losing your temper:

?          Take time out

?          Relax and breathe deeply

?          Check out the mirror

?          Distract yourself by listening to songs

?          Get yourself out from that place

?          Go for a walk and set your mind free

?          Calm yourself and then talk to your child

Use these simple techniques to reduce your anger towards your children. Talk to your children calmly to achieve the desired behaviour. This may sound like a drastic step but the caregiver/parent/family has to be involved happily for the meaningful development of the child. Relation with the child is not only loved unconditionally but valued unconditionally

Above all we should see what a child can do instead forcing the child to do what we see.

Our goal isn’t raising great kids. Our goal is raising great adults.

Sponsored by Prasang Vashistha Charitable Trust

Contact:9460708840’