Know Thyself-Speaking with Candour

Somewhere along the journey of life I espoused speaking with candour as a fundamental core value. Looking back over time. It was perhaps my genetic predisposition to treat everyone equally and to look after the underdog, that made this interesting value come to the fore.

 In the early years, as a shy kid, I would barely say boo to a goose. When I migrated to New Zealand, and somehow manifested the fire in the belly, this value began to peep out. I remember in a discussion at Teachers Training collage in Auckland, I said something (it was not earth shattering) in a group discussion and the lecturer stopped everyone else talking to ask my point again. You could say, I was surprised at this reception and the consternation it raised in the more talkative colleagues in the class. 

 By the time, I arrived in Melbourne and into to a senior position, this value was rearing its head in myself. I was known to get up my colleagues noses by asking the hard questions or making uncomfortable observations. Some were tolerant of this, some were happy with this and some were put out. Those who were put out, asked why I was meddling with other folk’s affairs. At this point, I usually pointed out that I cared about the business and hence the speaking up. Though I was not the flavour of the month with some, overall people understood and accepted, where I was coming from.

 Gaining more confidence in the execution of this value, I moved it up a notch, in my career. I was known as the conscience of the organisation by some, more powerful than myself. This was cool but not always plain sailing. There are folks who dislike spades being called a spade. This can lead to conflict and everything that entails. Looking back at myself, I think at times I definitely could have been wiser and held my counsel at times. It would have saved me from some really sticky situations and yielded more results. There are many ways to skin a cat, on realises, as one gets older.

 Now, a tad wiser, I came to the following conclusions

1.  In an organisational setting, it is best to judge what is worth speaking out. One thing I find useful is look at a situation with the greater good at heart. If greater good warrants me to speak out, I will.
2. Presume innocence and ask for the facts behind a situation before I draw conclusions. It is entirely possible, I am wrong.
3. Think about how, when and to whom, I speak with candour. The recipients of the candid speaking, may need to be handled strategically to get the outcomes that benefit.
4. Following point 3, it is critical that I take the time to frame what I am going to say and how I say it in my head, before I do the candid speaking. Tone and body language are important factors to consider if the person is full of ego. The more the ego, more preparation and thinking required.
5. I always explain the interests of greater good from the outset. This is important, as not everyone is on the same page as myself. It also sets the scene, that the conversation is coming from a place of good intent
6. Know when the conversation is going nowhere. Sometimes things have to travel a path, before it can be turned for the better. Universe know when it is time.
7. As I grow older, I realise sometimes silence is the best way and we don’t need to call all spades by its name. Nothing good comes of speaking out, in an indiscriminate manner. Best to understand if we will make any difference before we open our mouths.
8. Sometimes, one has to travel a path with the other person, for them to even understand there is a broadening of perspective required.

 Yes, you guessed it, I am evolving. The black and white brain is becoming a shade of grey. Am I shocked at my lack of adherence to my values? Not at all. I am happy to note, that I am open to growth. Could someone have taught me this, all those years ago? No. I had to travel the journey, get up folks noses and then come to these conclusions.

 Is speaking with candour still part of my core values?

 Yes it is. But now taking on a more refined approach than hitting people over the head. In fact on LinkedIn, I consciously decide when I will speak out and when I will not. I also consider how I will speak out as well. Even then, some connections reckon I am candid and call a spade a spade. Just imagine my modus operandi some years ago. I must have been a pain. Some connections on the other hand, have got upset, when I have maintained silence, when I judged it, most appropriate. Some others, would like me to be plainer about describing a spade. In the end, I have to make a judgement call, what is right for a given situation.

  I can only hope to improve and evolve. This applies to the living my core values too. This is something that just dawned upon me as I write this article. Good things come out of writing is proven to me now. Good for the writing genie.

 What is your experience with speaking with candour?

 Is there anything I need to add to my learning?

 What works for you when speaking with candour?

 What doesn’t work for you?

What have you observed when people speak with candour? 

What is the downside of speaking with candour?

Copyright Subi Nanthivarman 2019