Know Thyself Series- Narratives we tell Ourselves.

Narratives, the stories that we tell ourselves in our heads. For some, these voices can be quite loud and over powering. For others, it may be quiet, but persistent. The writing genie and I, consider what kind of voices we have in our head. That is an interesting exercise as the voices and the messages have morphed over time.

 Initially, with all the moving around we did when I was young, (from England to Colombo then to Jaffna), it was that of “something dreadful is going to happen and you will fall from the frying pan to the fire”, kind of messages. It would sound very loud when I was in stress or perceived stress situations. Like when folk got late to pick me up from school or having to break routine and do something new.

 I remember being overwhelmed with this sense of foreboding many times. I didn't mention this to many, as I grew up. They just thought I was a weepy child, prone to tears when in sticky situations. These kinds of bouts continued for some time. Life’s curve balls, cured me of the tears and taught me that whatever is meant to happen will happen. No point fretting about it. As I became aware of these voices telling me stuff, and would say, “Not in our hands buddy, let's see what the universe has to say shall we”. Now, with this kind of rebuke, the brain has stopped being insistent about playing this narrative out. It murmurs at times, then falls silent. Great outcome I would think.

 With my migration to New Zealand, a new narrative was in play along with the foreboding one. That, which constantly told me, we were going to make something of our lives at any cost. That was the predominant voice in my head. Nothing is too much, “we just need to grit and put our heads down”. And so I did. This time, I did not attempt to argue with this voice in my head. It was a good thing I decided. So, I encouraged it, in every shape and form. It got me through some really tough times. Recessions and some interesting bosses, notwithstanding, I continued to climb the corporate ladder and add value. All credit to this narrative that was playing in my head.

 The other voice, the voice of the weepy kid, was around too. It could get a hold of me at times, but this all powerful, conquering voice, kind of took over. No time to get stressed thinking about what could happen. To this day, I know not, why the powerful voice decided to play in my head. Somewhere the universe has its say in the scheme of things.

 So, I carried on with these dual voices in my head for quite some time. The powerful voice, helped me take some interesting challenges that I knew reasonably nothing about with confidence and to deliver on them. It was fine if I knew nothing. I was going to find out and get those in the know to help me. It worked out well in a lot of instances but backfired in some murky situations. I think I was just too naive in my modus operandi, when I think about it now. One has to use their brains and political nous to get out of murky situations and not just rely on the narrative running in our heads.

 Even taking the leap of faith into start-up world, was due to this powerful voice that said to me, you know nothing, but it will be alright. Just do it. Now I wouldn’t say it was completely right on this occasion.

 Reflecting on where I stand now, the foreboding voice, seems a voice in the wilderness. Quite faint and is ridiculed as soon as she murmurs. The all-powerful, I will conquer voice, is subdued too. Which is interesting. Now the narrative that plays in my head is “Maturity is the name of the game. Do your duty without expecting outcomes. Be detached”. The narrative has mellowed. It is a lot calmer inside my head, I must say. I keep patting the voice on the head, to say good girl (yes, one never thinks woman), now to get me to a zen zone. Let’s see how we go with this process. The voice is more like a third party observing me than actively telling me stuff.  It can tell me what is going right and where I am going off the rails.  I like it this way as I know this narrative is helping in the maturity process.

 Being a transparent person, I don’t believe I have hidden narratives running in my head. At least I am not conscious of it. For others, they may have more complex brains with multiple narratives running at the same time. I know this can be tricky and confusing if each narrative is taking us down a different rabbit warren.

 The trick here is to be aware of the narratives that you tell yourself. Become an observer of those narratives. Take control of the narratives and steer clear of the unproductive ones. Slowly but surely they will get into a box. Also, from my experience, don’t encourage the positive narratives blindly. Ask some hard questions of this voice to find out its credibility. But latch onto it if it is giving you the courage to do things. From my experience, life experiences and maturity, influences the narratives we develop in life. I presume, one cannot leap forward in the process and talk detachment at the tender age of twenty five. Not the twenty five year old I was anyway. It has been fun taking a good look at the narratives that were and are, running in my head.

 Are you aware of narratives you tell yourself?

 What are these narratives doing to you?

 Do you consciously do anything with it?

 Can you tell yourself a different narrative?

 How can you make these narratives work for you?