Know Thyself-Self Esteem

As the writing genie and I tackle self-esteem, we realised we had no clue about this topic. I presumed that I was making a difference to some people in the world. Being a grounded person, I didn’t think the world would come to a grinding halt, if I was no more. So the question was, if I was adding value while I occupied a spot on this blue globe of ours. The answer, was more or less, yes, so I left it at that and I concluded that I had some worth. I am not sure how much my going rate is, if I put myself up for sale.  

We resorted to research. What I found, was very interesting. The six pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. I delved into what he had to say and thought, that may very well be an angle we could explore, so here goes:

The Practice of Living Consciously

Being present in the moment. I don’t think I can honestly stand up to the scrutiny of this pillar. In the past, as a workaholic, most things that were not related to my work, were of little interest to myself. I have got better at this, as I now know moments, make memories, for when I am in an old age home. As such, I try to absorb the moment fully and be there for those around me.  

The Practice of Self-Acceptance

This I can confidently say, I knock this out of the park. One thing I don’t do is compare myself to others and I am on a journey to know myself. As such, happy to understand who I am, warts and all. Some warts will remain to my dying day while others will hopefully reduce in size. I like to laugh at myself, so finding these warts, is a jolly thing.

 Now to examine how this practice came about, in myself. Coming back to Sri Lanka aged 7, sans Tamil, meant I was different from the other kids in the school. Something I accepted without any question. Luckily, not many kids made fun of me. They accepted me for the weird person I was. Looking back, I know this was a blessing, or things could have been very different in the Self Esteem front.  

Accepting that I was different, made all the rest of my warts, pretty easy to accept. I am also quite happy to admit my shortcoming to others. This I think is a gift from the universe as it helps me learn and continue to be curious.

The Practice of Self Responsibility

I am sure this practice was instilled and nurtured by my family. Especially the mother and grandmother who constantly asked me what my contribution was to any scrapes I got into. The automatic switch that goes off in my head, is what have I stuffed up, let me fix it. Sometimes this self-examination goes into overdrive, which can be detrimental.

 As one grows older, introspection and maturity kicks in. I now realise, most things in life is a reflection of how we respond to our environment. It is solely our responsibility. As such this pillar will take center stage in life.

 The Practice of Self Assertiveness

As a quiet child, I don’t recall doing this very much at all. Somehow the fire in the belly also activated my mouth in later years. So much so, I was the conscience of the organisation I worked for and was quite vocal about others walking the talk. I also was good at pushing back on people who were being unreasonable with me.  

Now life is a bit different since I left my corporate job. I call out bad behaviour minimally as I am not in a position of responsibility. I am loving the peace. That does not mean, I will remain silent in all circumstances. I choose when to speak out now.

The Practice of Living Purposefully

 This pillar is one that has taken center stage in life for me for many decades. I was going to be someone. That is what the fire in the belly was all about. That was the purpose that consumed me. Maybe it was the first generation migrant syndrome or the civil war in Sri Lanka that egged me on. But I am sure glad this fired me up.  

Now, this purpose is gaining more meaningful vision of empowering others. Seems gentler than the fire that was prevailing before in the belly. But persistent nevertheless.

 The Practice of Personal Integrity

This is in my DNA. I live my values and sometimes, to personal detriment. Not sure how this came about, but it may very well be the parents and grandparents who were role models. I am grateful this came naturally.  

Being valuable to the community and family

As I contemplated self-esteem more carefully, I realise, we also place great deal on emphasis on our family and community. So I have decided to add this as a pillar of Self Esteem. This is our subcontinental nature and upbringing. The community spirit of being valuable to the community.

Know of folks who have all the above pillars in shovel loads, but feel worthless, as they feel they have not met the expectations of their family or community. Some of these expectations can be unreasonable and overwhelming. But the programmed individual, feels worthless as a result.

Me, on the other hand, do what I can do for society and others, but don’t feel that is a measure of my self-worth. I am not looking for external validation to confirm that I am the right path. Which is quite liberating.

Conclusion

Writing this article, was the first time I considered my self-esteem. I just assumed that this, was present in most people. Now that I have written about what these pillars mean for me, I am relieved that I managed to tick most of these boxes. Just imagine how fraudulent I would have been if I did not tick these boxes and had this notion, that I was of some worth.

How do you stack up?

Any other factors that underpin Self Esteem?

On a scale of one to ten, where do you rate your worth?

If on the low side, what can you do to increase your self-esteem?

If on the high side, what can you do to be more grounded?

How do people view your worth?

Are you in Sync with what others think of you?