Know Thyself - Other's Perception

Perception: The way in which something is regarded, understood, or interpreted

 In the journey to Know Thyself, I decided to critically examine how I am perceived, in the eyes of those who behold me. This is one article the writing genie is bound to have giggles over. Let us see how we go.  

As a child, I was a non-event. No one knew I was around. Rarely opened my mouth and spent most of the time reading. Coming back from England at the age of seven, sans all Tamil, meant I was literally speechless. Fitted perfectly into the perception of poor little kid, who can barely say boo to a goose.  

This poor little kid, grew up to a teen, who was viewed as shy, soft girl who still couldn’t speak Tamil and rode a weird bike. You could say, just a bigger kid, who still couldn’t say boo to a goose. In fact, some of my mates took me under their wing, as they felt, I could barely look after myself.  

So far the perception of me is far from flattering. It is reasonably accurate for what I was. The girls who studied with me, kept this image in their heads. When we came together, post-civil war and across the distance with the help of Facebook, they were surprised that I had picked up the ability to say boo to a goose and that too in Tamil. They still think I can barely look after myself, hence they are most kind, when I visit the different countries that they now live in.

Learning:

 One never loses a perception that is formed. It hangs around long after we have changed. This is endearing with family and friends. But is nasty, when it comes to the workplace. Some key people may never accept, the fact that we have grown and developed over the years. They put us in boxes and there we shall remain. Only way out most times, is to escape to another organisation. 

Story Continued 

So, let’s see what happened next with this shy, weird person of no consequence. The civil war broke out. I put my head down to study. Didn't have many people to share their perceptions with me. I presume, I was a bit more talkative and studious. As I drifted into work for a couple of years, still the bland, studious appearance persisted. Some chaps I worked with, recalled me from that time. They all thought I was quiet as a mouse.

I moved to New Zealand at the start of the nineties. Folk from this time, remember me as a partner in crime of my husband who was very much into community service, including presenting the weekly radio show. Most people knew him and his voice. I became “Nandy’s wife”.  Slowly, as I gained employment and finished my chartered accounting qualifications, the perception changed to someone who was hard working and was dedicated but finding their feet. This was accurate as I was finding my feet professionally and as a person.  

Later, we moved to Australia and climbed I the corporate ladder. This is where perceptions really came to the fore. There seemed, as I progressed, some folk who thought I was an angel while others thought, I was a nosy parker or tough cookie. It depended on their intent and what their personalities were. In fact I remember going to the headquarters in Germany, and many saying “so you are the women at the end of the phone”. Obviously somewhere down the line, I acquired a big mouth which spoke out with candour. Another colleague commented that I was 20 pounds of pure aggression at times. (I weigh a tad more than that).

The shy, helpless kid had morphed into something that was outspoken, tough, outcome driven but fair, who cared about people. Depending on whom you asked that characteristic would be highlighted.  

Learning

Perceptions will differ based on how people experience us and their value /belief systems. If we think we can manage others perceptions, we are mistaken. We can be consistent and authentic in whom we are, but the perception bit, lies with the beholder. Like beauty, it can be wonderful or not, based on the eye/heart/ personality of the beholder. Unfortunately, this perception can play a big part in how successful we are in life.  

For those who come across me for the first time, I am often underestimated. I am a midget in size and measured in speech. It is only when I open my mouth and say something intelligent, some folks are taken aback. Depending on how much, I am underestimated, I am amused. Some I never disabuse and some I do. Depends on the situation. That is the mischief maker in me having a good giggle.  

Some perceptions, we may be happy to foster for various reasons. This maybe a good weapon or tool to be used for our benefit.

Now, I am becoming the writing genie. Spoken words are measured and scarce. I look forward to hearing from my readers what perceptions they have of me. Always interesting to know what shadow the written word casts over folks.

Conclusion

Understanding others perception of self is critical. It helps us to respond appropriately to others and modify behaviour that may not be useful to us. For example, I have learnt to modify my tone and moderate my smart comebacks in conflict situations. This has helped the “20 pounds of aggression” perception tremendously.

 I am not a fan of managing others perceptions. This is manipulative and does not sit well with my values. I continue to be my authentic self but being work in progress I will evolve over time. So too the perception of me from the new crowd who interacts with me.

 Some of the old crowd will celebrate how we evolve, while others, cannot ever accept our evolution. We seek out the environments that cherish our growth.

What is your perception of me?  

How do people perceive you?

 How has it changed over the years?

 What do you think of my learning?

 Have you worked on any aspect of your personality, because of these perceptions?

 Do you need help in understanding how you are perceived?