Know Thyself!

“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.” – Socrates

We are inherently powerful beings, yet our lives are largely shaped by the narratives we craft about ourselves. Essentially, we live according to the stories we tell ourselves: the self-identities we create. Have you ever pondered this?

Our approach to challenges and relationships is guided by our personal narratives. Consider the array of relationships and partnerships you've encountered, each person welcomed into your life and heart. Furthermore, our physical well-being and aspirations for the future are steered by these narratives.

Every job application and pursuit of opportunity mirrors how you perceive yourself, your capabilities, your boundaries, and your potential.

Recognising the power of your personal story is crucial, as it impacts every aspect of your life. Self - Identity shapes your choices.

Let’s look at it closer…

"We don't do what we can, we do what we believe we are"

I believe that each of us desires to lead a beautiful life and enjoy it. While many people may still doubt this, achieving such a life largely depends on how we perceive ourselves. A person cannot achieve what they want when they believe they don't deserve it, that they're not good enough, not prepared enough, not attractive enough, etc.

You will never rise higher than your self-identity or move above your personal story. If you think that you are meant to be average, your performance will match that belief. Always!

Self-identity is the cornerstone of your entire personality. It is your conception and belief about the type of person you are. It comprises a crucial mix of beliefs: some empower you, while others may undermine you.

Those who collaborate with me are keenly aware that in every coaching program, whether centered on business or life at large, we prioritize and delve into this topic from the outset due to its profound significance in our lives.

If you are wondering where self-identity comes from…

It's the product of life experiences you've been through, successes and failures, humiliations you've experienced, as well as your moments of achievement and triumph. It's the product of how people react to you, especially in the first years of childhood when you easily absorb all sorts of information from your surroundings.

It’s the information you received from parents, family, friends, media, religion, culture, society, schools, teachers, etc.

All these, among many others, shape your perception of yourself, constructing an identity you perceive as true.

This self-identity influences your self-love or self-doubt, yet it often proves to be inaccurate. You will always behave in accordance with your self-perceived identity, shaping your achievements accordingly.

It's crucial to recognize that this extends beyond conscious beliefs, particularly to the subconscious level. While we may consciously affirm certain beliefs about ourselves, our subconscious often holds conflicting perceptions deeply ingrained like well-established programs.

This underscores the importance of aligning your self - identity with the qualities and abilities required to realize your goals or life vision fully.

However, the beauty lies in the fact that we have the ability to change it.

Change your story, change your life!

How do you create a self – identity that leads you to a fulfilling life?

Start with a deep self-analysis

This will provide you with information about your self-identity at the subconscious level, which shapes your reality on autopilot. In this way you'll discover whether it aligns with your life vision.

This is crucial because no matter how well and deeply you define a life vision or a goal/project-related vision, without this alignment, achieving it becomes unattainable.

You must evolve into the person capable of realizing that vision.

For instance, if your vision requires a significant level of self-confidence but your self-identity lacks it at the necessary level for such success, attainment becomes challenging. Instead, you'll manifest situations, circumstances, and people reflecting your self-identity rather than your vision.

Similarly, if you believe you are a healthy and abundant person, your behaviours will reflect this belief and manifest in your external world.

I emphasize once more that many thoughts operate beyond our conscious awareness. Hence, even when we believe we possess everything we need, outcomes may not align with our desires. Our subconscious holds information that, when altered, leads to changes in our external reality.

So, what do we alter within ourselves, in our inner world? We change our thoughts and perspectives on how we perceive things. We trust in our inner power and allow it to work, rather than expending excessive energy attempting to mold the external world to fit our desires.

By making changes from within and at a deeper level, we develop a self-identity that works in our favor.

Here, I want to make a very important point. Many people attempt to use positive thinking to overcome external obstacles by maintaining a positive internal dialogue. For example: "I will relax more next week," "I will pass the exam," etc.

Positive internal dialogue is an excellent technique. However, if your self-identity doesn't include the belief that you are capable of achieving those goals or contains conflicting beliefs, this dialogue won't have the desired effect.

You can quickly recognize this because you will feel discomfort within your body. Your conscious mind may tell you one thing, but your subconscious beliefs may create resistance.

10 important steps to create a new self-identity

1.????? Be Truthful

Most people tend to undervalue their qualities and worth as human beings. Influenced by failures and unpleasant experiences, a person begins to believe they are not capable, competent, intelligent, beautiful, etc., to achieve things.

As pointed out before, these beliefs imprint themselves as programs in the subconscious that operate on autopilot.

So, ask yourself if your truth about yourself is real or if it's a concept that has nothing to do with reality and eats you up inside.

Learn to see yourself as you truly are, in your best moments, because then you are authentic, uninfluenced by negative emotions such as fear, frustration, or regret, which distort the truth about your personality.

2.???? Use Imagination

Imagination is an extraordinary technique. Visualize yourself as often as you can in successful roles and situations, where you succeed, until these images recorded in your subconscious prevail and completely overshadow the images where you saw yourself failing.

Make your imagination a priceless friend and not a repository of fears and frustrations.

3.???? Relax

Life is short, and it's a pity to waste it worrying about all sorts of things. Live and appreciate every beautiful moment and experience.

Forgive because forgiveness will bring you peace of mind and inner peace automatically. Forgive because nobody is perfect.

Holding onto frustration towards someone only causes suffering for yourself, not the person you don't forgive.

Remember that nobody is perfect. Moreover, perhaps you unintentionally created the context in which the person hurt you. Learn to use your energy to achieve the things you want instead of wasting it on things you don't want. Remember to forgive yourself first and foremost.

4.??? Feel like a Winner

Train yourself to feel the emotion of being a winner. I'm sure you've experienced moments in your life when you felt it. Reactivate that feeling as often as possible.

When you have something important to accomplish - whether it's a meeting or an exam - imagine yourself coming out victorious.

Ask yourself: how would it feel to achieve the result I want? Allow your imagination to show you where you would be, who you would be with, what you would see around you, what you would feel, and how you would look.

In imagination, everything is possible.

Allow yourself to be confident in your abilities. Emerson said that "self-confidence is the greatest secret of success.”

5.???? Practice Good Habits

It's no secret that if your habits are oriented towards the positive, you are on the path to success. Conversely, if your habits are harmful, it's clear that you will encounter failures.

Many people believe they can't change their habits, but that's not true. You can always replace bad habits with beneficial ones if you're willing to work on it and make the change, even if it's not easy.

The truth is that our lives are shaped by habits: the habit of thinking, feeling, and acting or reacting in a certain way.

Even happiness can be a habit that you can cultivate in your life, just like brushing your teeth or washing your face. You can cultivate this habit by practicing the state of happiness.

6.??? Make Happiness a Goal

People have different goals: some are basic, others minor. Some dedicate their lives to worrying, holding grudges against others, or obsessive cleaning, when they could choose to direct their attention to something that brings joy to their being.

Why not dedicate your life to happiness?

Consider the things that would bring you joy: skills you want to acquire, success in relationships with people, your self-conception, and material things you desire. Then, set the goal of achieving them with the understanding that you deserve to be happy. Persist in pursuing this goal.

Find your own happiness; don't follow someone else's recipe.

?7.??? Take off Your Mask

Many people go through life wearing a mask to conceal their true emotions, often without realizing that by hiding from others, they deny themselves and their inherent qualities.

In doing so, they inadvertently label themselves as unwanted. Their perception of themselves becomes distorted.

Learn to view yourself with gentle and loving eyes, and you'll find that the need for a mask diminishes.

8.??? Practice Compassion

When you carry a feeling of goodwill for other people in your heart, you naturally uplift yourself. Consider that everyone has their own way of being and their unique path, and every action they take is based on what they perceive as good intentions.

You may not know the reasons behind someone's agitation, frustration, or unpleasant tone. Perhaps they've just experienced something challenging or are going through a difficult time. We all face such moments.

Show understanding and refrain from judgment, as doing so disrupts your peace and inner harmony first and foremost.

9.??? Accept Your Weaknesses

You may currently feel healthy, strong, and successful, but life offers no guarantees, and challenges may arise at any point. While a strong self-identity can provide support, there may be times when you feel tired or weak.

The question then becomes: do you choose to acknowledge your temporary weaknesses as a normal part of the human experience, or do you criticize yourself and harbor dissatisfaction?

Only by embracing both your strengths and weaknesses can you attain true fulfillment.

10.? Be Yourself

John Stuart Mill once wrote: "All good things that exist are the fruits of originality." Keep this in mind whenever you're tempted to conform to others' expectations.

True meaning in life is found only when you embrace your authentic self.

Stop molding your personality based on others' reactions, and grant yourself the approval and validation you deserve. Strengthen your self-image, and external criticism or rejection will no longer sway you. Success lies in living life on your own terms.

I warmly invite you to cultivate the self-identity you desire. You'll be amazed at how profoundly your life will change for the better.

Sending love??

Irina

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Irina Kuhlmann is an International Executive Leadership Coach – Accredited Master Coach, with a unique blend of experience as a former senior executive and business owner in Denmark, backed by 13 years of expertise in professional coaching. She is devoted to helping business people, entrepreneurs, and high performance – achievers to regain their authenticity and live a happy and prosperous life in an ever-changing world.

“My path to coaching was sparked by a significant health challenge that temporarily paused my business career. During my recovery, alongside medical treatments, I dedicated several years to my personal transformation through the study and application of Neuroscience, NLP, Coaching, and Leadership. This profound and impactful learning journey ultimately transformed me into a successful Life Coach."

If you need guidance in your life journey or seek other transformations in your life, I'm here to support you as your coach. For more details and to reserve your coaching strategy session, visit: https://www.irinakuhlmann.com

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