Know Thyself- Helping Others

Not sure when this, emerged as one of my key characteristics. It is taking centre stage in my life at present. I am learning and tweaking this characteristic as I go. Unlike resilience, I don’t have a playbook to follow on this one. It has been the characteristic that has given me the most, in terms of introspection and knowing my values.  

Looking back over the years, my parents were of service to their patients and folk came home either for medicines or for health-related advice. Hence, it was something that I thought was the way of the world. 

After migrating to New Zealand, we (my husband and I) were up to our necks in all things community which included weekly radio shows, being on committees. Taking a big part in community fund raisers and bringing in Tamil books into the Library. You could say we overdosed on community service, at that point in our lives.  

Moving to Australia, the community service, took a back seat for a period, as we climbed the corporate ladder. I remember though, I was into helping my colleagues with their issues. I was a nosy parker, not containing my meddling to my area of responsibility. I took great interest in all what was going on around me and how I could support others to do the best for the organisation. Sometimes, I spoke out of turn, which got up some folks, noses. I would say, this attitude, gained me promotions on a rapid basis.  

Life progressed, I got into some community work like judging kids in Tamil Competitions. This was fun. I also took an interest in helping folk get jobs, with resume help and interview coaching. So many struggle with this aspect of their lives.  

With work, I became the Agony Aunt, giving an ear to all those in trouble and sometimes a shoulder to cry on. I guess, the nosy parker syndrome was growing on me. I presume those who sought me out, were better for the experience, as we looked for a constructive way forward for them.  

In 2015, I left corporate life, created this wonderful application that would help young graduates target and find their first jobs. The prized culmination of my helping others. I was going to set the world on fire I thought. But not so I found. But instead I learnt the following 

1. Teaching people to fish is not easy.
2. Folk are after what they want, and not necessarily what they need. If we don’t customise our offer, giving will not be of use.
3. Folk don’t want advice or know how, as they have their preconceived solutions to their problems.
4. Many scoot, if they have to do some hard work to optimise what you give.

 Co-founded a charity at the same time. This charity is aimed at bringing out the inner flame of potential in the underprivileged. We are looking for folk who have a social conscience and who can help others, as they go on to flourish.

  This experience proved to be treasure trove of learning for me, in the helping others department.

1.  The giver and receiver should have purity of intent.
2. Finding folk, who fit the criteria we set out, can be a tough process.
3. Finding like-minded folk to join us, is a huge challenge. Not many want to give in a sustained manner. Giving, is seen to be balm for the conscience, that fades into the background when other distractions beckon or life curveballs overwhelm.
4. There are some who exploit the goodwill of people who want to give

 I also embarked on writing on LinkedIn to empower people, which is also a passion of mine. More learning was gained in this arena too.

1.  Write about issues that are top of mind for folks
2. Be a vehicle that helps them think and formulate their own solutions
3. Thinking, is not everyone’s come of tea.
4. Stay the course without having any expectations.
5. The interaction that result is a learning experience as there are wonderful folk out there who have rich wisdom and experience.

You can see I was obsessed with these helping others gig. Trialing all sorts of things. After a turbulent time, I have sailed into calmer seas. I know my energy is limited so I choose whom I help and what I do. I can honestly say, I feel at peace at how I am approaching this. I do what I can with no expectation of return. This puts no pressure on me to perform to an outcome or to others expectations. I can also say, the journey to this stage was very bumpy as I did not appreciate some of the learning that was gained. But one thing is for certain, I shall be bumping along this path for some time.  

I know paying it forward and giving is a big topic these days. Some like to give publicly and others privately. The choice is made based on the values of the person. I favour silent giving but have come out of the closet, with the Know Thyself project.

 How much of a part does giving play in your life?

What are your learning?

What drives you to give?

How do you give?