Know thyself, grow thyself, grow others

I remember speaking to an inspirational leader at my company a few years ago. He has achieved many successes in his life – both inside and outside the business world, including a successful period in sport. When I first met him, I only had 20 minutes with him, but there was one phrase he said which has stuck with me ever since. “Niluka, one way you can look at success is this. First, you need to know yourself, then you can grow yourself – and then, you can grow others”.

It struck a chord with me because in life we often become hung up on simply achieving more. The best grades at school. The best university. The best job. But how often do we think about the very process that comes with that success? It is very easy to be swept up into wanting to do more, achieve more and be more. It is much less easy to stop and ask whether these things are happening in the wider macro-context that makes you happy or is aligned to your own personal values.

Know thyself

And so, the first step is really understanding the self. Over the last 5 years I have been on a journey to understand the things that truly excite me in life. Variety. Innovation. Work I enjoy. Being around inspiring people. Adventure. Opportunity. I have also realised that simply following what others around you are doing may not be the best solution. It’s for this reason that I have my own website and coaching platform that help further enrich my overall career. We often take a few different turns in life, but these can help us learn in the process and navigate a more fulfilling path.

For many people, there is the pressure to tick off a pre-determined check-list of life (marriage, mortgage, kids to name a few). This is fine if that is want you want. But if you are also open to another path that is more authentic and meaningful to you, then go for that too. So much of what we do is because of the pressure of society, or those around us, rather than what we actually want. I’m a big believer in following your instincts in this regard. Only you know you. But you have to spend the time (often alone) getting to know you. Too many people are afraid of this, but I truly believe taking this time alone will help lead to increased happiness in the longer term. One way is to take a blank piece of paper and answer the following questions:

• What is it that gives me energy? 
• What are my own personal values?
• What is it about the future that actually excites me? (Get specific – these can be goals such as starting your own business, having a family, moving to the countryside – whatever it might be, just make sure it is true to you). 

Grow thyself

Growing yourself leads to improvement. Once you have at least some understanding of who you are and what you desire in life, you can then focus your efforts of growth in the right direction. As opposed to growing into something that isn’t true to who you are, which is a very real risk we all face. Your goals in life – true to your own purpose and values – will help you focus on the tangible steps and actions you need to take in order to achieve them. Remember, growth is something that must be proactively sought out and worked on.

Some questions to ask yourself are:

• When am I performing at my best?
•  What do I want to be known for?
• How can I better myself each day, through one small action?

If you are interested in reading more about growth, I recently published an article which dives into this more deeply. In short, it’s not enough to just know ourselves and stop there. We can’t remain static in life. Much like a seed that has planted, it has to be nurtured. Similarly, we must grow, adapt and shape ourselves into something that is beautiful. Change is good in this regard.

Grow others

The final stage is to grow others. All good leaders should aim to grow others after they have grown themselves. There is no doubt that mentors, coaches and sponsors have an impact on the growth of those around them. Being able to give back is probably one of the most fulfilling things we can all do in our lives. I have a 2nd year undergraduate who I mentor each month. Our sessions have little impact on my career, but knowing that some of what I say might help guide and inspire another individual is really fulfilling. Last week, she informed that that after months of applications, she landed a placement with Unilever. I was genuinely pleased upon hearing this news.

As a leader, are you only focused on the results of a project, or are you also focused on the personal development and growth of those working on the project? The best leaders are those that demonstrate empathy and really care about the growth of those in their teams, as well as the results. It’s also these leaders that individuals want to perform better for – because they feel valued and believed in. As a leader, some questions you might ask yourself include:

• Do I understand this individual and what motivates them?
• How can I help them grow in the direction they want to go?
• How might I share my own experiences, in order to help guide, nurture and support them?

Closing thoughts

These final questions tie neatly back into my conversation with the inspiring leader I mentioned at the start. The 20 minutes I had with him was him helping me grow. He was sharing his experiences as way to guide me (and now, in some ways, I am writing this to help others too, even if in a small way).

The path to success is not a linear one. We are always still learning and have questions we don't yet know the answer to. Which is exciting, in many ways. What we can do is make a conscious effort to tap into the process as we navigate through this journey.

The three-pronged approach to know thyself, grow thyself and grow others, is a great place to start.

? Niluka Kavanagh

Further reading:

The Tools; Stutz, Phil, Michels, Barry; Penguin Random House; 2013

Growth Mindset, Dweck, Caroline, Random House Publishing Group; 2006

Ikigai: The Japanese secret to a long and happy life; Garcia Hector, Miralles, Francesc; Random House Publishing; 2017

Start with why: How great leaders inspire everyone to take action; Sinek, Simon; Penguin Books Limited; 2011

12 rules for life; Peterson, Jordan; Penguin; 2018