Know Thyself - Authenticity

Being Authentic. The dreaded A word. There is so much written about this. Amusing that so many tips and insights needed to be ourselves. Life can be interesting. One can look up Wiki How for nearly everything in life. Authenticity being one of them. As per Wiki How it is as follows

1. Engage your Authentic Self
2. Behaving Authentically
3. Treating others with Authenticity.  

I find the list quite common sense. Look it up as it is a good read.  

In relation to myself, this Know Thyself project goes to the heart of who I am and engaging with my Authentic Self. It is like an onion being peeled. Fascinating to see what lays under each layer. Some seem to be a surprise while other things seems quite familiar. Behaving authentically and treating others with authenticity is right up my street. In fact too much up my street. Vulnerability, asking people for help, expressing my feelings and emotions, trusting my gut, being present, building long term relationships and not wearing a mask all resonates strongly with me.  

If this is all a tick, the writing genie has nothing more to say. But on second thoughts, we do have something to say. In fact we would like to explore all the hot water situations we got into as a result of my authenticity married with my black and white brain.  We can fill a couple of pages with our antics.  

Expressing my feelings and emotions

 I had a very expressive face and spoke with candour. As I strongly believed in the greater good and in my moral compass. I would speak up or raise a disapproving eyebrow when encountering others who did not share my views. While this approach worked with some folks, it badly misfired with others.  

Some were resentful that I was judgmental of their approach. We had some very interesting discussions. Not all of these discussions ended up with us being mates. Few we agreed to disagree and somehow worked with each other. With others, we proceeded to minimise interactions to the essential minimum. 

 There were other folks not so open to discuss and went behind the scenes to manipulation mode. This I found was energy draining and toxic. Felt like chasing my tail and coping with negativity. On hindsight, I was being politically naive. No point being so vocal about my values and moral compass with folk who don’t play the same game. Best to walk the talk and hold my silence. But then I didn’t understand the Rumi Quote “Yesterday I was clever. I wanted to change the world. Today, I am wise. I am changing myself” I presume it takes time to mature. 

Not wearing a Mask

This is a topic that is hot on the internet. Not being fake. As I mentioned before not wearing a mask can be a challenge if not used wisely. I have seen fake in action in the real world and in the virtual world. I have seen folks struggling big time with maintaining a mask. It gives them huge amounts of stress to maintain a dual identity without missing a beat. Hopefully the stress outweighs any perceived benefits and they break out of their act sooner than later. Everyone has their reasons to do what they do. For me, being myself is the most comfortable way to be. I will continue to be so, with some meaningful tweaks to my facial expression and candid speech.  

Now I read that many feel the virtual world is full of masks. I don’t bother with that too much. I vibrate at a frequency in accordance to who I am, and I believe I attract great people who share their experiences and insights most generously.  

In the real world, one has to read through other’s fakeness to respond to them appropriately. Personally I pick up fakeness a mile off. But I don’t do anything to disabuse them. Each to their own I presume.  

Knowing and standing up for my values

 Values have been a big part of my existence. The knowing and standing up for my values were easy. What tends to get me into hot water was being the values police in my organisation. As mentioned previously, I was keen on the greater good and collaboration. As such I would pull up people who were not aligned with my values. In some cases it worked out well and other cases, conflicts and ruffled feathers. On hindsight, I could have been more tactful in my approach of standing up for my values with these folks. Lucky for me my bosses didn’t mark me down for my recalcitrant behaviour.  

 If the organisation and one’s values are at odds, no point being the values police. We will be disregarded without further ado. The best we can do to be authentic is to continue to live our values and face any discomfort coming from it. It certain cases, we have to weigh up the discomfort against peace of mind, and find somewhere else that is in alignment with our values.  

Showing Vulnerability

I have written about vulnerability in detail. Here one has to be mindful of the environment and the position we hold when we show vulnerability. In my case, I was in a position of power and when I said I didn't have a clue, and many would teach or show me the ropes. In fact, by showing this vulnerability, we were able to understand how most of the pieces came together in a complex project as a collective. Also folks up the chain did not have a fit with my being transparently clueless. I think they relied on me getting the job done. 

 But not everyone is lucky when it comes to these two important ingredients to show vulnerability. Know your environment and your place in it before you decide on the level of vulnerability you display.  

As you can see, it is not a walk in the park to be Authentic. In the maturing process I recognise that knowing when to show up in all our authentic glory and when to hold back is an art. If we choose wisely we will make a greater impact on the world than if we are authentic like a bull in a China shop. It took over five decades to refine my approach to authenticity. I realise I am still a work in progress. One thing is for certain, I show up genuinely as myself both in the real and in the virtual world but also know when to hold my silence. I don’t hide what I stand for but more interestingly, I am now more open to others perspectives. I constantly validate my perspectives and beliefs to incorporate these viewpoints.  

What is me today will evolve in a few months’ time and so forth. But one thing I know will remain constant is my values. That is the anchor that holds me steady in the authenticity department when the winds of change blow through in the maturity process. 

 What are your important ingredients in being Authentic? 

 What have been some of your hurdles in being Authentic? 

 How do you see yourself evolving in this area? 

 What impact has Authenticity had on your life? 

 How do you handle fake people? 

 Do you do anything fake?