The Knotty Mind

One morning, as Lord Buddha's disciples gathered for the discourse, they saw him walking towards them with something held in his hands. As he came closer, the disciples saw that he had a rope in his hand.

Buddha took his seat, and without saying anything, he began to tie knots in the rope.

Anticipation built up, and curiosity piqued about what this exercise of tying the knots was all about. Breaking the suspense, Buddha asked everyone, "I have tied three knots in this rope. I want to know from you whether this is the same as the rope it was before I tied the knots?"

One of the disciples replied, “This is a bit difficult to answer. It depends on the way we look. From one point of view, the rope is the same and has not changed. In another way, now it has three knots that were not there before. So if we look at it from that perspective, it has changed. But it is also worth noting that even though it appears to have changed in its outer form, it is essentially the same rope."

“That is true!” said Buddha, “Now I will untie these knots.” Saying this, he began to pull the two ends of the rope away from each other. He then asked, "What do you think, by pulling the ends like this, can I untie these knots?"

“No, doing this will tighten the knots even more and make them difficult to untie,” replied a disciple hurriedly.

Buddha said, "Okay, now the last question – tell me what do we have to do to untie these knots?"

The disciple said, "To understand and unravel these knots, we need to closely examine how they were tied before attempting to untie them."

The Buddha smiled and said, "That’s what I wanted to hear. The basic question is, what is the real cause of the problem entangling you? Without knowing the reason, it is impossible to solve it. I see that most people want to solve problems without knowing the reason. No one asks me why they get angry. They ask about how to end their anger. No one asks where the seed of my ego comes from within me. They ask how do I get rid of my ego?"

Putting the rope aside, he continued, "Dear ones, just as a rope does not change its basic form even if it is tied in knots, similarly, the basic essence of human beings remains the same, and the seeds of goodness do not perish from within them. Just as we can untie the knots of a rope, we can also solve human problems."

This story encourages reflection and exploration into the underlying causes of a problem before finding solutions. This is a principle that we apply very well when it comes to technical failures. However, when it comes to matters concerning our emotional well-being, sometimes, we tend to look for quick fixes, pushing ourselves to feel better rather than delving into what about a particular interaction, relationship or life event made us feel angry, upset or sad. What are our unmet needs? Did we feel unseen or unheard? Did a particular instance trigger envy or jealousy? What is the uncomfortable emotion trying to tell us?

In an attempt to run away from the discomfort, we end up tightening the knot instead of untying it. Perhaps examining the knot and understanding how it is tied is painstaking, but it is crucial for disentangling the complexities of our emotional experiences. Understanding the intricacies of our feelings, reactions, or responses gives us insights into underlying causes, unmet needs and triggers, thereby unlocking the doors to self-awareness, emotional resilience and better relationships.

One question that this story left me with is - Are there any emotional experiences that have left behind knots that need unravelling, and what steps can I take to understand the underlying causes?

What came up for you while reading this story? Can you think of a time when you successfully untied an emotional knot by understanding its origins? What strategies did you use, and how did you apply those insights to future challenges?

I would love to hear your reflections.