The KJRs: Thankful for Failure (part 2)

By John R. Nocero, Ph.D., MBA, CCRP, GCP, CC, ACB & Katherine J. Pryor, MPM, CPM

Earlier this month, we talked about our fear of failure and combating this fear by taking action. Success demands taking risks which almost guarantees some failures or setbacks. We understand that we need to keep moving forward despite experiencing a setback. How do we do that? By focusing on the internals and letting go of the externals. The internals are things that we can control, such as our character, our values, and our own behavior. The externals are the things that we cannot control. This is our past, much of the natural world, and the thoughts and behavior of other people. Sometimes we also have to tune out our own potentially sabotaging thoughts.

There is no reason that we have to listen to the fearful and often mean internal monologue in our own heads. For Katherine, this means, “I am not good at this. I don't know enough. What do I have to say that matters or hasn't already been said?” while John hears “Who do you think you are? Nobody is going to want to read this. Throw the article in the recycle bin right now and go hit the chin up bar. Your back needs some work anyway.”

Previously, these thoughts might have gotten the best of us. What we’ve learned is that we are not our thoughts. We are just the only ones who hear them. Read that again – we are not our thoughts, we are the only ones who hear them. We cannot always control which thoughts pop into our heads at any given moment. These negative thoughts are lingering injuries and unresolved emotional hurt fueled and kept alive by our imaginations. They are our fears working against us in order to keep us small, to keep us from trying new things, or putting ourselves "out there." But they are not real unless we give them what they want and let them stop us in our tracks.

We have to take action during instances of fear, and this means flipping the script. Instead of letting fear take over and causing us to cease and desist, our focus becomes overcoming it by dousing the fires of insecurity with action, no matter how seemingly small, towards our goals. This may mean sitting down and writing. It may mean taking a break and not writing that day. That’s also a choice. Keep doing something even if we bungle it every now and again. We measure success not by our ability to avoid mistakes, but by our ability to show up and do the work no matter what.

Bottom line: When life hands us lemons, we cannot always make lemonade. Sometimes we need to suck on the lemon and learn to love the taste. Disappointment, defeat, and despair are tools to show us a new way. From today forward, whenever we experience a fear of failure, we take a minute to identify where it is coming from. If our concern is about something external, then we let it go. It is a waste of time to worry about anything not within our control. If our concern is about something internal, we use it as a trigger to take action. Stop thinking and start doing.