KINGS, CONDO PRESIDENTS AND SNOWBIRDS ARE THE PRIVILEDGED FEW IN FLORIDA

Know ye this immutable fact. The all-powerful rulers in Florida are a privileged, high-and-mighty class called the condostocracy.

All societies, countries, communities, corporations and Florida condominiums have the same basic structure.   

First there are the aristocrats, the privileged few comprising dictators, elder statesmen, governors, CEOs, FED chairmen and the condo kings and queens with the title condo president. They rule along with dukes and duchesses, the part-time condo residents called snowbirds. 

The latter are royals returning to their warm, sunny condos from northeast castles now freezing cold as winter sets in. They’re an important part of the condo aristocracy.

Then there are the plebeians, the rank and file commonly referred to as the herd of year-round condo residents who fall into the vast middleclass of ordinary citizens, taxpayers, first responders, working stiffs and retirees whom you’ll find ghost-walking on beaches and golf courses or zombie-like in their condo swimming pools.

Lastly and sadly there are the underprivileged, the poor downtrodden condoless masses stuck at the bottom of the residential ladder.

They’re either renting over-priced apartments or serving time in mortgaged homes with one and two-car garages in heavily fortified gated communities, miles from the ocean. They are stuck there because they see oceanfront condos as beguiling mousetraps that catch their prey by fooling them into thinking the cream cheese is free on Bagel Wednesdays. 

Bobbling up and down all three levels are the artists, actors, musicians, and writers like myself.

I was president of a condo once, so help me, and wrote a satiric, get even book about it titled “King of the Condo.” Now I’m just a common condo resident, a perennial beach walker and blogger who runs his PR firm remotely. 

Now I’ll tell you why I’m writing this.

Last week there was a vote to stop the noisy but needed balcony restoration.

Why?

It was decided to do so out of respect for and in deference to the privileged snowbirds now returning from their palatial northeast nests. They like it nice and quiet while they’re here.

We who are in that middleclass category of year-round residents can deal with the noise when it starts again after the privileged snowbirds depart in summer. 

Afterall, they are the almighty snowbirds and I guess we’re just the year-round jailbirds.

Oh, it was done democratically, all right, by vote of course, though a majority of the residents are snowbirds. 

I’m going to look into starting a condominium electoral college.

This way, if we should lose the popular vote, maybe we could still win and the noise and disruption can be spread more evenly among full-time and part-time residents.

Also, I’m suspicious of how the voting was handled, so I may be talking to Rudy Giuliani about it. Today, you just can’t trust elections!

Power to the plebeians, the year-round condo residents. 

We dislike noise as much as the elites, but just want it spread evenly.