Kindness for Your World by Rick Forbus, PhD
Kindness for Your World - By Rick Forbus, PhD
Kindness is an attractor. Have you ever watched a video of someone doing something kind for a stranger, like helping an older person cross the street? If you look at the video closely you often notice someone else observing the act of kindness. Sometimes the observer will have a smile on their face or a look of compassion. There was a commercial on television recently that depicted what one act of kindness does to others. In the commercial someone picked up the groceries that a lady dropped, and then she opened the door for an old man, who held the elevator door open for someone else. These acts of kindness continued through the commercial one after the other. Kindness seems to perpetuate that way. One act of kindness demonstrated sends its own influential message.
I saw a bumper sticker years ago that read,”Spreading Random Acts of Kindness.” To follow that car to see where it was going was impossible, but it made me think more highly of whoever was in the car! Random acts of kindness could change everything in this crazy world. Intentional acts of kindness could change us, as well. The prepared thinking required to be an intentionally kind person, who spreads acts of kindness, would change us from the inside out. As an old adage states, “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” Intentionally thinking about doing kindness and being kind is powerful. This is a worldwide idea. If all of us thought about doing kindness everywhere and that the world was being kind everywhere, it is simply mind blowing.
Happiness is the new rich. Inner peace is the new success. Health is the new wealth. Kindness is the new cool. - Syed Balkhi
Call me "old school" but I still read Readers’ Digest from time to time. I have a few old copies in my library and there are some good RD pieces floating around online, as well. Here is a wonderful story that makes you smile from the magazine:
When the supermarket clerk tallied up my groceries, I was $12 over what I had on me. I began to remove items from the bags, when another shopper handed me a $20 bill. “Please don’t put yourself out,” I told him. “Let me tell you a story,” he said. “My mother is in the hospital with cancer. I visit her every day and bring her flowers. I went this morning, and she got mad at me for spending my money on more flowers. She demanded that I do something else with that money. So, here, please accept this. It is my mother’s flowers.” – Leslie Wagner, Peel, Arkansas
You have probably helped someone short on cash before at the market, gas station or even a retail store. Mostly now, people are using plastic so it is rare when someone falls short of cash, so we can help. Recently, while shopping in a big box store a short lady was trying to reach a box high on the shelves. I asked politely, “Would you like me to get that for you?” She said, “Would you?” My maleness enjoyed showing her I was tall (not really) and could reach it for her. She said a couple of times, “Thank you so much, thank you so much, that is so kind of you.” She smiled. I smiled. This tiny act of helping her made me feel good. It was really very little effort but the feeling lasted a while. Kindness is an emotion that lasts more than a few seconds.
Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution. - Kahil Gibran
Another great story that I happened upon from Readers’ Digest accounts kindness again.
I forgot about the rules on liquids in carry-on luggage, so when I hit security at the airport, I had to give up all my painting supplies. When I returned a week later, an attendant was at the baggage area with my paints. Not only had he kept them for me, but he’d looked up my return date and time in order to meet me. – Marilyn Kinsella, Canmore, Canada.
Now, that is a kind act. An attendant who will notice the paints, hold for a week, mark on his calendar and then wait for the passenger is amazing! For years I traveled out of Atlanta many times a year to deliver coaching, training and speaking for organizations. It seemed that most of the time it was a hurried lifestyle, rushing from home to the airport, through security, to the gates. I was out for several days, then, back to the airport to return home. On one of those many occasions I stepped off the plane into the busy La Guardia airport to rush to a car service to get to my client. When I got off the walk way and stepped into the terminal I realized my phone was not in my pocket. Literally, I snapped back around to run back to the plane to look for it when a distinguished pilot was smiling at me. He asked, “You lose this?” Of course, I was like the lady in the box store with me, “Thank you so much, thank you so much.” As I went about the days working on that trip, the experience and the face of that pilot reappeared in my mind over and over. Wow, I thought, he really didn’t have to deliver my phone to me himself. I don’t know if he spotted it on the seat, or a flight attendant saw him leaving and quickly handed it to him, maybe describing me, or what. It didn’t matter, it was a kind act, out of the ordinary, making my week! Hopefully the pilot enjoyed doing it as much as I enjoyed receiving the act of kindness!
I enjoy acrostics. When writing, sometimes the use of an acrostic stimulates new ideas around a topic. Here is an acrostic using the word kindness.
K - Kind acts from the heart shape us into kind human beings. Practice kindness to strengthen this idea. Are we kind because we do acts of kindness, or do we do kind things because we are kind?
I - Inspirational thinking can lead to great acts of kindness. Could you inspire an observer to commit acts of kindness if they watched you in an act of kindness? Of course, you could inspire them. Some will watch, mirror and be inspired from random acts of kindness.
N - Needs are available to receive your kindness. Needs must be met, right? Needs are everywhere. We never have to look very far to find needs to fulfill. Many times they are right under our noses. Notice needs!
D - Decide you will be kind to others. Like any other discipline, deciding to do kind acts is only the first step. Let your decision become an irresistible emotional choice to do the act of kindness, or say the words of kindness. Do it now. Practice it. Commit to these kind endeavors.
N - Notice opportunities to help out. Look for places you can help. If you look you will see these opportunities. A friend says that , “he looks to do at least one act of kindness every week.” He does. Because he looks for them, he sees them and he acts upon them. Notice needs!
E - “Earn” your way into helpful and kind situations by being trustworthy. People want to trust others but they have to be convinced the relationship, the conversation or the quick encounter is trustworthy. Be real. Be authentic. Don’t push through circumstances of kindness that are photo ops or are contrived. Earn your way to kindness by being trustworthy.
S - Share your talents, time and treasure with those in need. I believe everything I have to offer others is a gift from God. He gave me talent, time and money to share, not to hoard. Discover how you feel about your gifts and talents. If you think or feel they are to be shared, then start now.
S - Sincerely desire to be kind, and, then, kindness opportunities will emerge at random. Contrived and forced kindness does not usually go very well. People receive kindness well when it is pure, real, authentic and honest. It would be better to wait on the serendipitous moments (like in the Mall encounter below) than script kindness episodes for yourself. Be sincere. Be honestly concerned for people.
Here is an incident I observed some years ago. Not knowing who the two ladies were is fine with me because this vignette of kindness stopped me in my tracks that day. Here is what was observed and overheard:
Overheard was a woman who was crying and upset as I was shopping for purses (for my wife around Christmas) in a Mall. She was talking on the phone about getting fired from a restaurant due to a misunderstanding about missing money. I heard her say this and continued listening from a short distance away while shopping. She had walked to the Mall and obviously, from the conversation, she didn’t have gas in her car to get home or any money for the week. Another lady heard the call as I did, but she went over to the crying women, hugged her and talked with her for a few minutes. I stayed in the area, purse shopping is difficult even though I had a distinct description and a picture of what purse to pick out. Afterwards the lady who heard this phone call, told me me this, “I felt the Lord tugging on my heart. He told me not to judge her, not worry about why she was fired or what she would do with the money. He said, help her. After her phone conversation was over I walked up to her, hugged her and gave her the $40 cash that was in my purse. I told her I would pray for her and that God loved her. She lit up and couldn’t believe it! She was so thankful that someone cared.” I do not remember the name of the lady who gave the crying woman her $40, but I’ll never forget her face, her smile and her joy to help. Both of their smiles are etched in my mind, now several years later. I’m sure that whole incident was an unexpected act of kindness for both women, the giver and the receiver. It was an act of kindness observed by me and maybe others in that area of the store.
I have mentioned my parents many times in the articles and books I have written. They were examples of kindness. My mother is still living and enacts kindness more to her family than neighbors and friends as she and my Dad did through the years. I remember them both helping neighbors and friends in the routine of life. They were either giving someone a ride somewhere, baking something to take to a sick person, framing a piece of art for people (They had all the framing equipment because my Dad was an artist.) or just dropping by to visit with someone who was in need. My Mother made clothes for folks and offered her skills where she could, even the feeding of the youth choir at our church between the afternoon rehearsal and Sunday evening worship. What great examples of kindness. They never did kind acts to receive anything, but have received kindness in return. That is how kindness works sometimes. The rule of reciprocity is a powerful thing. What the world needs right now is well-distributed kindness and unconditional love with an unfettered approach. Doing good is good for everyone everywhere.
One of my favorite stories about kindness is from an unknown source. It reminds us all of the power of kindness.
One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.
Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.
That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.
On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. “Really?” she heard whispered. “I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!” and, “I didn’t know others liked me so much,” were most of the comments.
No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn’t matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another.
That group of students moved on.Several years later, one of the students was killed in Vietnam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last do so.
As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. “Were you Mark’s math teacher?” he asked. She nodded: “Yes.” Then he said: “Mark talked about you a lot.”
After the funeral, most of Mark’s former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark’s mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.
“We want to show you something,” his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. “They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it.”
Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark’s classmates had said about him.
“Thank you so much for doing that,” Mark’s mother said. “As you can see, Mark treasured it.”
All of Mark’s former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, “I still have my list. It’s in the top drawer of my desk at home.”
Chuck’s wife said, “Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album.”
“I have mine too,” Marilyn said. “It’s in my diary.”
Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. “I carry this with me at all times,” Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: “I think we all saved our lists.”
That’s when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.
Tell those you love why you appreciate them while you can. (Unknown Source from speaking notes)
When we live our lives, intentionally, as kind persons who are spreading acts of kindness, we are changing our world around us. If kindness seems to follow you everywhere you go because you are committing acts of kindness everywhere you go, the world you “live in” becomes a world of kindness. You may or may not shape all situations as you attempt to spread kindness, but more kindness will be spread because of you. In the world we live in any and all kindness is invaluable. Could a whole society be changed to be kind if there was enough of it dispatched everyday? Yes, it could in theory! Maybe that is your role, spread it within every step of every day in some way.
I expect to pass through life but once. If therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again. - William Penn
William Penn was right when he stated that we pass through this life but once, so, we should show kindness now. Now is critical. Every day is important. A legacy of kindness can be any of ours if we just commit to make it so.
To close, I thought some “musical” ingredients might enhance this topic.
Sergio Mendes penned his thoughts like this:
Kindness is timeless
Love is so easy to give
It just takes a moment
To show somebody that you care.
Glenn Campbell said it like this:
You got to try a little kindness
Yes show a little kindness
Just shine your light for everyone to see.
How will you show a little kindness? How will you set a new goal to be intentional with your acts of kindness? How will you shape your thinking to be mindful of opportunities to be kind?
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