Kindness In The Workplace

I distinctly remember one of my professors in a Masters class talk about kindness in the context of management and leadership.

He told us that he was previously conducting workshops about kindness for people managers and leaders years ago and how that course was no longer in demand, taken over by more "functional" kinds of topics.

I think about it.

It is quite rare that one pays to attend a course or workshop about how to be kind as a leader.

It almost always is about strategy, critical thinking, performance management, coaching, and the whole rest of it.

It just dawned on me, no wonder leaders nowadays are pre-disposed to focus on building high-performing teams.

Don't get me wrong, this is equally important for business sustainability and longevity, but in more than a decade that I have been working in people management, never once have I planned, nor diagnosed via training needs analysis, a requirement that focuses on how to be kind as a leader.

And I dare say that kindness has become "person-based" and not deliberately cultivated, depends if the leader has that type of personality or not.

I have worked with many leaders -- new in role, tenured in role, senior leaders and executive-level leaders and I have either seen them kind, or not.

It's not consistent. And I don't mean anything from this apart from it being an objective observation.

But I find that team members working for managers who are kind are often the most forgiving of themselves, and the most forgiving of their company's shortcomings, if their boss is kind.

Because they feel that kindness radiate towards their day to day work lives.

There is a radical difference if your manager is kind to you or not. Work is hard enough, and if you're manager is not so kind, it hits you harder when the going get tough.

Kindness cushions hurdles, it soothes hearts and egos when something "goes wrong" at work, which is almost always the case. Kind managers understand more deeply what their subordinates "feel", what they are going through, what pains them, what inspires them to do better.

And I personally believe that kind leaders are also kind to themselves. They are kind to both their own shortcomings, as well as the shortcomings of others.

And kindness, sadly, is often seen as an enemy of performance, that when you are kind, you permit poor performance, you condone bad behaviors, you let your team members get away, scot-free.

It simply isn't true.

You can be kind while holding others accountable.

You can be kind while driving motivation and performance.

You can be kind when it matters, most especially when it matters.

And this article is not intended to be "preachy", nor does it intend to devalue strong, hard-driving leadership, often, it does get results.

This only points to the deliberate need to also cultivate leaders rooted in values of the "heart" - kindness, empathy, listening, caring and a kind of understanding that transcends words, but understands the feelings behind those words.

And as leaders, if we only look hard enough, if we only listen enough, if we listen, I mean truly listen to what our team members are trying to say..

..it shouldn't be so hard.

For everyone needs a leader that understands.

Everyone needs a leader that listens.

Everyone needs a leader that is kind FIRST to themselves, and then radiates that kindness to others.

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So, the next time I hear of a workshop or course that focuses on building values-centered leaders who are kind, who are empathetic, who listen from the heart..

..it may be an endeavor worth so much more.

For as they say, we connect to people never just about the knowledge we share, but connect to them in those moments of impact where all they are looking to hear are soft words that speak to the heart.

And I always remember this powerful?quote?from the great Maya Angelou:

“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”