Kindness is the new Black Belt

Generally speaking, our world often associates kindness with weakness. This has driven me for many years to try to distance from my kind self.

2022 was marked by the the ailing of my beloved father, Samir. He had been committed to kindness at all cost, and always. With the exception of the few inner grumblings he would quietly express when reprimanded by my mom, or when he was expected to do a less-than-desired chore or two, never has he been angry, unappreciative, resentful, unhelpful, or negative. Following his passing in August, I found myself struggling to find my inner peace as I reflected about his legacy: How could I have resented him for so long for making his kindness so contagious? How could I not have celebrated him more for his most admirable and inspiring trait? How could I have been so wrong about him for so long?

In this article, I choose to honour my father's legacy and might, for he dared remain kind against all societal norms and pressures. He was a sheep in a society that chooses to cherish and honour wolves. As I break down his kindness into its five (5) distinct facets, hereby referred to as laws, I will hopefully make the case that kindness is not weakness, but rather strength.

First Law of Kindness: Patience

Time keeps accelerating further, and we seldom take the needed step back to ensure that our personal and work lives are heading, with synergy, in the right direction. Like a broken bone that does not take the time to heal, we often have our futures built on shaky foundations. Often so, and by the time we realize it, it is too late to right that wrong.

The first facet of kindness is patience. Our actions have ripple effects on other people's people's lives, well being, and that for generations to come. Time is elastic, and if we choose to act with forethought and partnership, great things happen:

• Treat every relationship, personal or business, as a long term partnership
• Grow responsibly, and slow down when needed, to create a sustainable impact
• Look as far you can see. Get there with certainty, and not haste. Then take the time to look further to create a change-making journey ahead

Patience is when we are invested in helping people develop and grow in their careers and advance their lives and livelihood. Patience is when we enjoy seeing others outgrow us in ways that are unimaginable to us. Patience is how we make great things happen. Patience is the only way by which we can advance humanity.

Second Law of Kindness: Understanding

But patience alone is not enough.

At the heart of kindness is one's ability to create opportunity for others to be heard and, more importantly, understood. Listening is at the heart of solving the world's greatest problems. Great solutions are the binding factors behind the making of great teams. And great teams only exist when they are fuelled by engaged and empowered people.

Beyond listening, understanding is the act of feeling people out. Better still, understanding is the act of morphing into them. This is empathy at its best. I often refer to the metaphor of the "cockroach in the kitchen" to illustrate its power:

"You are freezing cold, and choose to follow a source of heat that brings you to a massive new world that you never knew existed. You get in, eat all the yummy food that you find on the floor. You grow. You make a few friends. You are having a good time, hurting no one. You feel safe and relish the fact that you will never be cold again. Then, one day, you hear a big noise. It feels like an earthquake just took place. You look up and see a giant monster accelerating towards you, screaming, and threatening. They are looking at you with anger and disgust. And what they do to you next makes you history."

The only way to succeed in life and in business is through deep understanding of what our market, clients, society, community, people, and ourselves, need to thrive. While success is personal, its impact is often universal.

Third Law of Kindness: Acknowledging

Listening, engaging with, and understanding are foundational traits for a better and kinder world. These, however, fall short if not coupled with acknowledgment. Acknowledgement is like closing the loop, with meaningful actions on insights.

The saddest souls in this world are often seen alone in highly social settings. Think of a homeless person, fighting the elements of nature and begging for money day in, and day out. How many of us pass them by, avoiding eye contact, sometimes because we do not have cash on hand, but mostly, because they make us feel uncomfortable. The truth that brought them to our busy streets must be very harsh. I reckon that giving them money without acknowledging them does not help anyway. It may very well further entrench them in their misery. Acknowledging them will give them that little tiny purpose and energy that they need to remember that they exist, and actually matter. Acknowledgment here takes its simplest form of a smile, a "good morning", or a "have a good day".

Other times, acknowledgment comes in the form of acceptance, gratitude, recognition, reward, motivation, change, or inclusion.

Fourth Law of Kindness: Self

Kindness is not just about others.

I am big believer that one has to be kind to themselves, before they can be kind to their loved ones. Only then, can they be kind to others. If we aren't kind to ourselves, we will never appreciate the true value of kindness, or understand its impact.

How many times have we heard the story of someone that has done something against their beliefs, or that has spread themselves thin because they could not say "no" to another's request for help. This ironically and often invites the cliché statement: "oh, so-and-so, is so kind! They cannot say no."

This is not kindness, but rather some kind of weakness, or a form of laziness. Kindness has no place where we cannot remain authentic, preserve our sense of integrity, and protect what matters most to us.

Fifth Law of Kindness: Mercy

"You are driving on a highway, and see a badly injured deer on the side of the road: What is the kindest thing you are willing to do for them?"

I have witnessed people be wrongly (or impatiently) penalized for their undesired attitudes, behaviours, or contribution, when they shouldn't be. I have however witnessed much more frequently the opposite stand true. People are seldom told the truth about their wrongdoings, and more so, they are rarely on the receiving end of life's lessons and harsh consequences.

Tolerating culture misalignment, lack of commitment, poor contribution, and bad behaviour is weakness, and not some form of kindness. Not taking tough decisions to correct a wrong is laziness, and not some form of kindness.

Mercy is a double edged sword. Kindness is all about second chances. Nevertheless, when second chances are no longer the right option, kindness is solely about moving on, and turning the page.

So as we turn the chapter on 2022, I invite you to reflect on how we can build together a kinder place for our children to be inspired by, to thrive in, and more importantly, to live by.