Kindness adds value, and doesn't cost a thing!

(and extract from my book "The Tough Cookie Philosophy") 

I don’t believe the world is full of assholes (I do believe there are enough of them around to encounter at least one a day). We’ve all been an asshole at one time or another, this tough cookie very much included, but that doesn’t stop us from becoming a better person. I believe the majority of us have what it takes to be genuinely and conscientiously kind to each other; and I think most of us truly want to be.

I think all of us have that voice inside our head. That voice that doesn’t necessarily tells us what to do and what not to do, but that warns us when something doesn’t feel good or right. That voice can be seen as our ethical conscience or our own moral compass, if you will.

WHAT’S IN IT FOR US

Some people might argue that the only reason we are kind to each other is because we believe we’ll get something out of it. Be it so, others will like us because we need something, or (if we want to dig a little deeper) some religious ideologies promise a reward or punishment based on our actions. The latter has been a topic of many wine-induced discussions with friends. I’m personally not a big fan of organised religion (that doesn’t mean I don’t respect nor condemn those who follow it). But I feel you don’t need religion to be seen as someone who has morals. I read somewhere that if you can’t determine right from wrong you lack empathy, not religion. I also tend to agree with Ricky Gervais who stated that, if the only reason you are a good person is because you expect a reward in Heaven or fear punishment in Hell, then you’re not truly a good person. If we are able to put ourselves in other people’s shoes and share their thoughts and feelings, we are able to accept different viewpoints, whether we agree with them or not; and that, to me, is the basis of what really determines our morals and our ethical decisions for being kind to one another.

SO WHY DO IT

Why choose to be good every day if there is no guaranteed reward we can count on, not now or in the afterlife? Why be kind when it has resulted into being treated as a doormat in the past? Because you choose to. Just like you inadvertently ‘choose’ to be a doormat (until now), you can actively choose to be kind. Much like I believe everyone has it in them to set their own boundaries and become a tougher cookie, I also believe most people have it in them to be kind. We could argue that we choose to be good because of our bond with others, and our innate desire to treat each other with dignity. We want to treat others the way we’d want to be treated ourselves. Simply put, we are not in this alone.

PERSPECTIVE

As we discussed earlier, how we view the world is the first step to being nice. Be the person who sees the glass as half full, and don’t be afraid to see the good in everyone. It’s not always there, unfortunately, but that doesn’t mean we have to stop trying. The bad stuff is out there, that’s life. Good and bad coexists more than we realize, but the bad stuff won’t always spread if we choose not to share it.

SAY ‘NO’ TO NAYSAYERS

Practicing kindness isn’t always easy, especially when some people equate it to weakness. Being kind requires a certain type of courage. People have called me naive for wanting to see the good in everything, but it’s become a defence mechanism after a career in working with survivors of trauma, sexual abuse, and being confronted with some truly heinous horrors. I’d rather be a tad naiver, and focus on finding the good that’s left, than being a cynical fool that only sees the bad in everything.

By setting that attitude for yourself, when people try to take you down a peg, you won’t let them. What you stand for, believe in, and work hard at; should be things you are proud of, not ashamed. When someone is unkind to you, that’s about them, not you.

BE KIND, EVERYONE HAS THEIR OWN STORY

I’m not encouraging anyone to go around hugging strangers and placing flowers in guns, nor do I condone you remaining in a toxic relationship for the sake of staying kind. Of course, feelings need to be felt and worked through; and boundaries need to be in place. But just bear in mind, before deflecting some of your negative feelings onto someone else, that your behaviour impacts others too.

EVEN THE SMALLEST GESTURES CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE

We don’t have to donate a large sum of money or go out of our way to be a nice person. Being kind can be as simple as a smile, saying thank you, or encouraging someone when they need it. It’s a way of connecting with someone, however brief the moment. It doesn’t have to be big, but what’s important is that it’s genuine and thoughtful for another person.

You only need to keep your eyes open and pay attention to the world around you to see chances to help. Kindness is contagious and you never know just how big of an impact a small gesture of kindness can really have.

KINDNESS IS GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH

Not only can being kind have an impact on those around you, research has shown being kind is also good for your health. Professor Stephen Post suggests that there is a strong correlation between the well-being, happiness and health of people who are kind. He argues that it is difficult to be resentful, angry or afraid when showing selfless love towards another person.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF

Self-love – another common theme in the “Tough Cookie Philosophy”. We’re all our own worst critics and being kind to yourself is the first step in wanting to share it with others. So give yourself a break.

We’re quick to recognize achievements from others, but we don’t always dwell on our own. There’s nothing wrong in giving yourself a good pat on the back once in a while. Give yourself time, recognize your strengths, and work on your weaknesses. Forgive yourself when you mess things ups…because at some point in your life (as a minimum) you will mess up. Trust yourself to learn from mistakes, and don’t set yourself up for failure by trying to be perfect. When it comes to being kind to yourself, remember the only thing you can do is your best, and that’s enough.

INSPIRE KINDNESS IN OTHERS

For us to encourage others, we must first lead by example. So going out of your way for others, being a good neighbour, supporting someone even when they don’t ask for help, being grateful, not criticizing people’s effort, and genuinely showing respect are all ways to encourage kindness.

SPREAD IT LIKE WILDFIRE

Here’s a mission for you. Consider it your challenge for the next month. Below are 7 random acts of kindness that focus on benefiting others around you, as well as your own self. Set yourself the objective to cross off a minimum of 4 selfless acts during one month. That’s one act of kindness per week. Pretty reasonable. Next month, add a few examples of your own, and change the minimum to 8. You see where I’m going with this….

1. Hold the door for another person
2. Greet a stranger in the elevator/ on the street
3. Be a team player
4. Compliment someone
5. Give a family member of a friend a cuddle
6. Give up your seat
7. Check in on a neighbour

Build your random acts of kindness up so that they become a daily habit (however big or small).

Go on. Be a nice cookie. I dare ya!