Be kind to yourself

The emerging field of self-compassion research is proving that being kind to yourself is one of the best things you can do for your health. We're all pretty hard on ourselves, criticising everything from our thighs to our parking to our off-hand comments at work. And it's not without consequences. Harsh self-criticism activates the sympathetic nervous system fight or flight, and elevates stress hormones such as cortisol in our bloodstream. Too much cortisol can lead to problems ranging from weight gain to cardiovascular trouble. Enter self-compassion, which means treating yourself the way you'd treat a friend who's going through a hard time-with support and understanding, instead of criticism. Studies have shown that using self-compassion techniques can reverse the negative trend of criticism and cortisol. When you practice self-compassion, you reduce the stress hormone cortisol, which takes away the state of stress. The more you stay with positive thoughts, the more dopamine surges, which floods your body with feel-good hormones. 

How can you practice self-compassion? Instead of saying things like, 'How could I have done this? I'm such an idiot!' you might say, 'I had a moment of absent-mindedness and that's okay—it could have happened to anyone,'

Not surprisingly, being hard on ourselves leads us down the path toward mental health issues like anxiety and depression. There's really robust literature that increased self-compassion reduces depression, with self compassion, you remember common humanity—that mistakes, failure, and struggle are part of the human condition, which releases you from a feeling of isolation. It's actually that feeling of isolation which appears to be most responsible for depression. Self-compassion helps protects against depression by helping us feel more connected. Research shows that self-compassion deepens empathy, many who practice self-compassion report having more meaningful connections to others than those who don't. Along with a reduction in depression is a lessening of anxiety. One of the key features of self-compassion is it gives you more perspective, we can actually step out of our own storyline, and that allows you to be less lost in the drama of anxiety when difficult things happen.

Using mindful meditation as part of your self-compassion practice can actually help change your brain for the better. Meditation absolutely helps the brain function more efficiently—it actually changes the structure of it and it rewires it. It increases cortical thickness, which is the part of the brain that helps cross-brain communication, so it helps the brain be more integrated and function more as a whole. Research has shown that loving-kindness meditation impacts the areas of the brain related to social connectedness—and a major tenet of self-compassion is finding our common humanity and feeling less alone. By retraining the brain to 'observe' rather than 'get lost in' the flow of emotions, sensations, and feelings, you are changing your brain circuitry.

Studies show self-compassion can help you cope with whatever life throws your way, from cancer to infertility to parenting a child with autism. By preventing the defeating effects of self-criticism, self-compassion allows us to maintain peace of mind and thereby retain our energy. In addition to being mindful of how you talk to yourself, she suggests other self-compassion strategies like writing yourself a letter, developing a mantra or phrase like, "May I be kind to myself in this moment of suffering," or making a daily gratitude list. By learning how to deal with adversity, you can be resilient enough in body and mind to meet any health challenge. Self-compassion is a strength. It actually helps you cope with life's difficulties.