To be kind? Or to be nice? ??

Chilllleee,

For the longest time, I thought being nice and being kind were synonymous, but 2020?to 2024 showed me that they are not. I have tons of examples that come to mind with this particular topic - from conversations with friends and family to clients and business/community partners. I have had to learn that doing things in the name of being "nice" versus being "kind" were not the same thing. That's why in today's Pivot Post, I want to talk about how and why?I pivoted from being "nice" to being "kind". You see, from what I understand of it, when I'm being "nice",?I'm often making decisions that may come at some cost of an?inconvenience or sacrifice to myself. And is it me or is this the anti-thesis of what we're raised on in the South? Prior to 2020, I can't say I had really embraced the idea that I could say yes to less and still be impactful. But you can and I did. Back when I was first understanding this, I found out that?telling people when you?honestly don't have the capacity to do something or what you're not available for, is one of the kindest things we can do.?Kindness means I can be a good caretaker and neighbor to people while still respecting myself in my?capacity to help, being honest enough and wise enough?to not reach beyond my means. By not overpromising, we give?the person asking for some of our time, attention, expertise, etc the chance to find the right person at the right time so that their needs are met, too.?That's kindness.?But don't just take my word for it. Based on most of the research on workplace culture out there right now?by publications like National Institute of Health?and Kumospace, it's seeming that the 2020 pandemic changed how we work, forever, and a large part of that being the surge in prioritizing mental health, which comes with a demand for balance, flexibility, boundaries, transparency, supportive work conditions and higher empathy. Pivoting from being "nice" to being "kind"? allows you to ultimately take?better care of yourself, honor responsibilities, respect?outcomes?and the impact you have on others.?

Looking back now, I can see where as early as 2016, I was starting to practice this more. Things like - only taking meetings or being in-office Tuesdays through Thursdays so that I could work remotely or uninterrupted on Mondays & Fridays; or taking a sabbatical/long vacation for 2 weeks between late December-early January to reflect on the year past/year ahead.?Maybe for you, a first small move will be setting an alarm at 5:30pm every weekday so you're not tempted to work through dinner? Or?scheduling a weekly class for a hobby of yours? Or joining a morning run club once a week to hold onto your commitment to exercise and be healthier this year? Maybe putting your phone on do not disturb by a certain time each night??That's kindness. Truth is,?I have had to learn that the hard way, with stress doing a number on my health because of old convictions that?I couldn't do enough, or do it fast enough many a times. I'm not ashamed to admit that when I thought being nice would get me ahead in life, I would work?past midnight to meet deadlines. Now, I delegate, automate or generally cram less into my schedule. At some point, I?had?to remember that if I'm not in the land of the living, I can't be much help to people anyways so, I might as well have fun and be better rested while keeping my agreements.?One thing I know for sure is that the more?I gave myself room to find out what authentically worked for me,?the more I started to understand what "kindness" truly is. And the cool thing about self-care and setting boundaries is that it has a ripple effect. It gives others permission to do the same.?Sometimes the kindest thing you can do?is unplug - for a minute, a week, a sabbatical, a vacation, or family time.

Step away to go far in the long run. If making this pivot means you need to re-negotiate some boundaries or reset some agreements (like literal work contracts or practices at home, etc), but you're not sure how to bring it up, some tools I learned in facilitator trainings that could help you find the words to help navigate the shift, are:?non-violent communication; "I" statements; comfort-stretch-panic; appreciative inquiry; reframing, community council; and listening circles. You can generally find any of these practices online, if you put the name of the?tool you're curious about in search and then put "resources" or "how-to" behind it. A rule of thumb would be to follow the trail of?.PDFs and research housed at universities,?credible magazines, journals and blogs. I am open to leading trainings?on these tools to help with work, community and leadership dynamics, and have in the past. You'll be first to know for any future offerings on this!?As we - as a culture - embrace ever-changing technology, social media + AI and move?away from the more "industrious" mindset?and towards an?"imaginative" or "information-based" mindset, being able to?relate to people in more authentic, and transparent ways seems like one of the best ways to make an impact and be invaluable.

Cheers to spreading kindness,?

Author's LinkedIN Profile | Booking | Resources for CEOs (+ C-Suite Execs!)