Killing me softly with 'success': The power of authenticity in public speaking and why it's more elusive than you think.

Imagine a brilliant mathematician! By 'brilliant' I mean the kind with a Fields Medal on her shelf. Why her? Because! Let's call her Beth, shall we? Now, picture Beth speaking about advanced mathematics in front of a Country Women's Association, in a formal speech. While you may not feel exactly comfortable with the political correctness of this analogy, kindly turn a blind eye for a moment because the question I want to ask you is this: Would a great speech, delivered away from the context of its "natural audience", still be a great speech, even if it's rather ill-adjusted to specific requirements of a particular audience?

The analogy used here is a bit crude, of course, but the underlying truth it conveys is super-important to understand, especially if your plan is to become an effective public speaker. In other words: Never underestimate the importance of getting to know your audience, its general/specific preferences, interests and reasons for joining a particular event or context. Even getting a feel of your audience's state of physical/psychological exertion matters, especially right before whatever it is you want to share with them on stage!

No better way to explain it than...propaganda.

Even the most perfunctory study of the history of propaganda will make you notice one thing that stands out very clearly, across cultures and historical periods:

the most successful politicians, autocrats, propagandists and spin doctors out there have always relied heavily on understanding their "audiences of choice" in ways that those very audiences didn't even understand (or were aware of) themselves.

Hence, professional (and/or effective) propagandists routinely ask questions like:

What matters most, to whom and why? What topics and areas cause the most emotional, polarizing, impactful social reactions and why? Who is the enemy, and, if there are none around, how do you create one...or two, or more? How do you attract attention and/or steer it away when the need arises? In politics, few things are more certain than the need to steer public attention away from a potentially snowballing controversy!

So yes, context matters, always! Hence, even your little conference speech or presentation can rarely be looked at or evaluated in isolation. The more attention, empathy (and imagination) you put into understanding your audience, the higher the probability you will succeed in just about any public-speaking role, whether it's debate facilitation, hosting a full-day conference or delivering a keynote. Understanding these fundamental precepts of public speaking makes all the difference between an authentic speaker and a ham actor, who may spend days and weeks polishing a particular presentation or speech, and still deliver a performance that somehow feels fake or out of touch, to say the least.

Compared to a game of chess...

As we go through life, some of the stories that we are part of will inevitably prove more important than others, even if a little bit of looking back and connecting the dots is needed to understand their real impact. Those will shape us at a very profound level, for better or worse, define who we are, what we believe in, how we go about things that matter and things that don't, about life's many blessings and challenges, failures and success stories. Little wonder life is often compared to strategy-driven games, like chess.

Two days ago, a friend asked me if I wanted to have my grandfather's chessboard restored to what it looked like back in 1969, when he bought it, long after his return from a WW II forced-labour camp. My quick response was: "No, thank you. I prefer it the way it is." I remember my grandfather playing chess on this chessboard with friends my entire childhood. The tiny (but certainly visible) traces of a baby's teeth on some of the pieces are, no doubt, testimony to my presence in the room ;) After all, chess is not exactly the most fascinating game from a toddler's perspective. Even a wood-biting distraction was always welcome.

Little did I know, as a kid with a little town background, however, that a few years later I would win the first major chess tournament in what was probably the single most posh secondary school in Poland at the time, full of great young mathematicians and kids with incredible achievements, especially given their young age. The fact that I had this little success of my own, with such ease, at that, was somehow more important to me on a symbolic level than any other, given my teenage inferiority complex.

But it's not the winning part that taught me the most, nor even the satisfaction of the very first wins with my father and my grandfather years earlier...after countless losses, as I tried to figure out what the game was all about. It's everything that I have learned between the lines, including the early psychology lessons it had in store. Some of those lessons have stayed with me to this day, like the fundamental realization that all kinds of success come with their own types of risks, temptations, or plain stupidity attached. In short, some of my life's formative moments will forever be linked to this 1969 chessboard.

How about your 'formative' stories?

You may think humility, modesty and authenticity are quite common in the so-called high-achievers these days. There is a difference, however, between mature humility, one which is an outcome of a long-term personality and worldview evolution, and 'pretend humility' which is a lot more common, looks good on camera and in the eyes of the general public.

Over the years, I've met very few people who are genuinely humble and wise in truly profound, charismatic ways, despite having achieved a lot. I have also met a lot of people who are self-important and more or less convinced of the infallibility of their worldview, despite having achieved comparatively little, often making every effort to hide their arrogance and deep-rooted convictions instead, especially from themselves.

From self-image to self-preservation

Whether we like it or not, as we go through life, we become part of stories that will sooner or later put every aspect of our self-image to a test, to a lot of tests sometimes. Chances are we will fail at a lot of those, only to become more humble or more arrogant, happier or more melancholy, open-minded and optimistic or cynical and bitter in the process. The more ambitious you are, the more stories you will set in motion yourself and the more of your stories will result in others facing scenarios where they will have to make specific choices with specific consequences...because of you.

One of the most beautiful ironies in life is that a lot depends on a lot and even the smallest of things can sometimes have the most impactful of consequences. At the end of the day, if you are prepared to smile to your luck a little, and help it along the way every now and then, chances are you will never forget the difference between wha't authentic, worth focusing on or putting your heart into, and what's...really not.