KILL THE FEAR

I am scheduled to make an important presentation to the leadership team. I have done my preparation. However, I am sweating, I feel a churn in my stomach, my mind is going blank!! What is happening to me?? I am overwhelmed.

One day, I come home, my head feels heavy, my energy levels are down, I try to cheer up but simply not able to do so! What is happening to me? I am anxious.

On another occasion, I am on my way to meet the person who I love the most. I am on my way to propose to my future life partner. I know the person very well, however as I get closer my heart beats faster, I feel choked. What is happening to me? I am nervous.

I am sitting alone in a new place. There is nobody around me who I can to relate to. People and the environment appears to be harmless, however I begin to feel a bit restless, a sense of insecurity. What is happening to me? I am panicking.

Fear, Nervousness, Anxiety, Phobia, Panic, Concern, Despair – there are many words that describe the feeling that I was experiencing. These words denote, nothing but different degrees of a feeling called ‘Fear’. The intensity of feeling may differ however the primary emotion remains as fear.

Let’s understand Fear and how to KILL it.

Fear is a natural, powerful, and primitive emotion. It triggers a biochemical response as well as an emotional response that is unique to every individual. Fear alerts us to the presence of danger or the threat of harm, whether that danger is physical or psychological. Sometimes fear stems from real threats, but it can also originate from imagined dangers.

When we confront a perceived threat, our bodies respond in specific ways. Physical reactions to fear include sweating, increased heart rate and high adrenaline levels that make us extremely alert.  The emotional response to fear, on the other hand, is highly personalized. People become angry at random things when they feel fear, some overreact to a small incident, some just become silent, some may even become aggressive resulting in harming self and/or others. People have different involuntary responses to fear and different coping mechanisms to deal with fear.

Is fear bad! Is fear undesirable!! May be not. Is there a way that this fear can be conquered! Is there a way that this fear can be channelized to produce positive outcomes? Yes, it is possible. How? ATG!

Influenced by the learnings of various psychological models and in particular Transactional Analyses, here is a simple tool to overcome fear and grow up. On many occasions, I have experienced great results applying this tool on myself. I am sure you will find it useful too.

ATG! Is a simple 3 steps tool to Conquer fear and move ahead confidently.

Acknowledge, Thank, Generate options

ACKNOWLEDGE THE FEAR: it Is common understanding that If a person is hungry, he/she must acknowledge that he/she is indeed hungry. Only then, the mind will look for something to satiate the hunger. We all know, that to solve a problem, the first step is to recognize the problem. We can then initiate steps to understand the problem and explore ways to solve it.

Similarly, the first step to deal with fear is to Acknowledge the Fear. Unfortunately, as a grown up, adults are not necessarily encouraged to acknowledge fear due to various social conditioning. As adults, we have freedom to acknowledge other emotions like Happiness, Sadness and Anger. However, we are shy to express or to talk about our fears. Acknowledging fear is the first step to deal with it. A person need not necessarily go around town and talk about all his/her fears. What is important is ‘self-acknowledgement’. This acknowledgement itself is likely to ease a bit of pressure from that person. Once the existence of fear is accepted, then he/she can go about dealing with it.

THANK THE FEAR: Why thank something causing stress!!! As said earlier, fear could be an early warning signal of an impending real danger or an imaginary danger. Both ways, the mind is alerting the brain to take action. Mind is triggering your brain to send signals to the physical system to be prepared for a sudden action. If the body is not prepared, a sudden action could lead to undesirable consequences. If the mind is not alerting in advance by inducing that adrenaline rush, a person may be caught unawares.

Would you not thank a feeling that is preparing you to face danger!! Would you not thank a feeling that is alerting you to be proactive and avoid any unwelcome consequence!!! Sure you would thank. That is the next step. THANK THE FEAR for spurring you (to)find ways to deal with the fears and overcome them. Alright! now that we have thanked our fear, what next!

GENERATE OPTIONS: How nice, it would be if we have five different options to deal with fear! Won’t we feel great! Yes. That precisely is the next step. ‘Generating Options’ has two parts to it. One: We need to know what is it that we are afraid about! Two: What all we can do to overpower that.

Let’s go back to the situations that we talked about in the beginning. In the case of presentation to the leadership team. The first question to be asked is, what am I afraid off?? The answer could be what if I have made mistakes in my presentation! What if the leaders did not like the ideas that I have put across!! What if the leaders think, that I am not capable of doing such assignments!!... the questions could be actually endless… no matter what the questions are, our next step is to generate options to deal with them. 

The question to self now turns into, how do I prevent mistakes in my presentation? How do I test if my ideas are good enough to be presented? How do I prove that I am capable enough to undertake such assignments? Similarly, take up any situation and start applying the template of ‘what is/if’ and ‘How do I’ questions.

When we start answering these ‘How do I’ questions, we can see the choices unfolding in front of us like the morning sunlight revealing the whole beautiful world. We realise our potential raising inside us and waiting to be utilised. We feel the adrenaline rush, however with a different feeling. We suddenly realise that we are excited positively to take actions. We are more confident and now looking forward to the same events that once caused fear.  We feel happy to be in any situation rather than fearing about them. We have indeed, ‘Killed the Fear’ and brimming with positivity.

Is it that simple! Yes, experience it.

With positivity now filled in the place of fear, move on, go conquer the world. In doing so, be happy and spread happiness. All the best.

Regards and Cheers!

Sekar

Jul2020

Special Thanks to dear friend Lavanya Sadasivan.