The Kids Turned Out OK (and They Even Learned Something From You)

Around Mother’s Day, I always think back to those days when I was trying to get the kids up, dressed, fed, and in the car for school while contemplating my calendar, which was often triple booked all day long. I tried to be present and offer some sort of value to the conversation over breakfast, but what I was really doing was just trying to consume as much coffee as possible and run through my action items from the meeting with India that ended at 11:30 PM.

Our kids went to the same school from pre-K to 8th?grade, and at the start of each school year, moms would introduce themselves and welcome us as a new family (even though we had been there a decade by 8th-grade graduation). They just hadn’t seen me often for library, playground duty, or Valentine’s Day parties (even though, yes, I did participate in some). Did our kids suffer because I wasn’t there? Was I a bad mom?

It turns out I wasn’t! Now that our kids are grown and in college, I recently asked them what they remembered about me working while they were little. Here was their list:

• The scout campouts and the rainy nights huddled in a tent
• Visiting the campus and seeing Mr. Perot’s suit of armor that he wore for a milestone birthday as a joke
• Being able to eat at my company’s cafeteria and getting 2 deserts
• Wearing their costumes to the office at Halloween and my coworkers giving them candy
• ?Leaving drawings and notes on the huge whiteboard in my office
• Getting their favorite lunch (McDonalds!) on their birthday and me joining them in the school cafeteria for lunch

Elizabeth Pearson, author of “Career Confinement,” talks about embracing “Mom Guilt.” She discusses that motherhood is a whole other job that we are just as passionate about and that the guilt means we care. She makes the point that we are acting as role models for our children. We aren’t choosing one over the other; we are showing them that they can be anything they want to be.

Ashley Sharp, Executive Director at Dwell with Dignity, reminds women that the Mom Guilt is self-imposed. There is no perfect work-life balance, and you must do what is right for your family. Don’t let the whispers permeate your confidence. Cut yourself some slack!?

The Good News:

In 2023, five more women became CEO of a Fortune 500 company, bringing the total to 53, or 10% of this CEO population. That is progress, but we have further to go.?The view of women as leaders being “risky” because it would “take them away from their family” has changed and I’m encouraged by this. Family units are collaborative, and since Covid, hybrid opportunities allow parents to better balance their focus on work and at home and offer opportunities to be present at more activities with their children.

What My Kids Learned:

As my kids moved into middle and high school, I made a conscious effort to be authentic and transparent with them. When I was nervous about taking on a new role at work, I talked to them about it. When I got recognized and rewarded, we celebrated together. I made sure they understood that we were all a team, and our family was “us” because we all played a role in it. Whether it was one kid cooking dinner because I wasn’t going to be home in time to get them fed, or another throwing in a load of laundry, we were a team.

In the second part of my interview with my kids for this post, I asked them what they learned from me as a working mom:

• Have your clothes laid out and pack your lunch the night before
• Don’t be shy and speak up when you have a goal
• Be a good leader and make sure your team is happy
• Be nice to everyone because you never know who will be your next boss
• There will be hard times, but keep working and have a plan because you never know where your career will take you
• Have faith and pray on it before you make the hard decisions

Happy Mother’s Day to all the working moms out there. You are doing great, and you are setting a wonderful example for your children. Whether you have to work, want to work, or a little of both, your kids will be OK and they are learning some great lessons from you!