Kids Being Bored... A Good Thing?

Why Being Bored is a Good Thing

Those days of ‘nothing to do’ as a kid were actually tremendously beneficial for your mental development.

 Thanks to COVID-19 and the new normal of social distancing at home, all of those jam-packed summer activities you had lined up for your kids have been canceled. Forget summer camp, swimming pools, and classes. Your kids are at home, with you, looking for you to provide some kind of entertainment. The problem is that as an adult, you still need to work and provide a living for your family. You can’t become the 24-7 entertainer.

If you are feeling pressure from glamorized social media content to create elaborate games for your kids, I want you to reconsider. In fact, boredom is one of the most beneficial realities for kids today. Stephanie Lee, PysD, director of ADHD and Behavior Disorders Center at the Child Mind Institute, has stated that boredom, “helps kids build tolerance of less-than-ideal experiences. Boredom might not be super distressing, but it’s not fun. Life requires us to manage our frustrations and regular our emotions when things aren’t going our way. Boredom is a great way to teach hat skill.”

She goes onto state that boredom helps kids develop:

·        Planning strategies

·        Problem-solving skills

·        Flexibility

·        Organizational skills

Children who live with highly structured lives will not be able to develop these attributes in the same way that their bored counterparts will.

It’s Not Boredom Itself; It’s What’s Done with Boredom

Naturally, plain being bored doesn’t really do anything for anyone. It’s what children elect to do with the boredom. If kids feel bored, they know they need to create a plan, organize their materials, and solve a problem. They want to fill their time with fun and engagement, which means they need to solve the problem at hand so their day can become more interactive. Developing these skills help children in other areas of their lives as well, like planning for long-term assignments, flexibility in an academic setting, and the ability to converse and socialize with ease in unknown situations.

Additionally, boredom fosters:

·        Creativity

·        Self-esteem

·        Original thinking

Kids know they have to be the ones to solve their own boredom. Therefore, by solving the problem at hand, kids can develop independence and feel agency over their own happiness. It provides them with a new sense of confidence that they can indeed fix their lives to look the way they want them to look.

So, as a parent, how can you make this kind of boredom accessible to your kid? How can you ensure they are using boredom to the best of their abilities to develop into an independent and productive adult?

Approach “I’m Bored” with Proactivity

When your kid comes up to you and tells you that they are bored, it can mean a lot of things. It can mean they want your attention, they are hungry, they are tired, or they are unhappy. Although it’s important to identify if your kid is hungry or doesn’t feel well, be cognizant of how you react to this trigger – they are watching you. If you drop everything to immediately entertain them, they will learn that they do not need to fix this boredom. But, if you stand back and tell them to fix their own boredom, sure they may stomp their feet here and there, but ultimately, they will go back to what they were doing and solve the immediate problem.

Dr. Lee suggests setting aside some time every week to make a list of fun activities with your kids that they enjoy. You want to ensure your kids are able to explore the things that make them passionate and excited. You can ask yur kid about what brought them happiness in the past and if they are interested in learning more about it in the future. You can create an activity chart that you can hang on the refrigerator when your kid is bored during the week.

Since kids aren’t experienced at managing time and don’t know how to process open-ended times, you can also assign times or daily markers to the activities for them. This will provide some kind of framework that makes sense to them. The structure will actually make them feel more comfortable doing the tasks without over-stepping their independence and natural ability to make a plan.

Activity Charts, By Age

For younger children, you can include the following activities:

·        Stuffed animal breakfasts/picnics

·        Outside animal/nature hunt

·        Play forts at home, in the living room, or outside

·        Legos or other toys

·        Puzzles

·        Craft projects

·        Calling up grandma or grandpa and telling them about the day

For older children and younger teens, you can include the following activities:

·        Board games

·        Drawing, painting, crafting

·        Reading books or starting a book club

·        Managing an outside garden or engaging in a small handy project, like building a basket

·        Creating a blog, podcast, or web series

·        Learning a new skill, like photography

·        Learning dances to post to TikTok or Instagram Reels

·        Developing a sport talent/working out

When you help your kid make this kind of activity chart, you can have them refer to it during the week when they try to tell you they are bored. Over time, you will be able to remove yourself from the process altogether as your kid learns how to make this chart on their own. When they start to take the initiative to make it independently, you can reward them with praise or a special treat.

The Attention Seeking Decoy

Kids are smart – they are smarter than you think. At first, they may try to tell you they dislike every option on the activity chart. The longer you engage them in this discussion and the longer you take the bait, the more of your attention they will have grabbed. Attention is a reward to kids, which means they are going to do it over and over again with you. Instead, provide as little attention as possible so they do not feel like they have entered into a reward cycle.

Dr. Lee recommends keeping the conversation curt, short, and to the point. Give them a few options if you must and tell them to pick one. Go back to work or tell them to check out the activity list you so aptly made with them.

Emphasize Creativity

The best way to cure boredom is thinking creatively. If a kid has a cardboard box and a marker, they are going to have to think creatively to make it something fun. At first, you may need to help your kids understand they can turn anything into something fun. Ask them what materials they need once per week and do your best to provide a few items. Once you obtain these items, encourage your kid to think outside the box. Some kids might need more of a nudge than others. After you get the materials, it’s time to stand back.

For older children or younger teens that still seem to be struggling with creative play and ideas, assign them open-ended tasks to help them build problem-solving skills. Maybe you can help them make a scavenger hunt or download an app that will teach them the skill they can’t seem to master. You can also give them old clothing, DIY project leftover materials, or $10-$20 they can use to go buy items for the activity. After you provide that initial help, as always, get out of the way and watch them plan routes, hide items, make guides, solve problems, etc. They may stumble upon a new passion of theirs they never knew they had!

Be Understanding

The activity menu isn’t going to fill the entire day for a kid, and that’s ok. They are going to need breaks to rest their bodies and minds. For kids with ADHD, they struggle to occupy themselves for longer periods of time, which means it’s k for them to sit down a relax for a moment. When your kids need a break, you can reward them for their initiative and encourage them to get back out there in a bit when they are rested.

Pro-activity Equals Failure Sometimes

The important part of trying, planning, succeeding, and problem solving is that sometimes you are going to fail. It’s the best way to learn that failure does not equal total implosion. In fact, failure builds frustration tolerance and perseverance, which will make kids that much more confident. It’s important that you do NOT dramatize any failures. Let’s say your kid set out to make a dress by hand. The dress did not end up looking the way they intended. If they start crying or screaming, don’t back that up. Instead, show them how it isn’t a big deal AT ALL, and how they can try again to succeed this time.

Show them that failure is actually exciting and necessary! They will fear it less and be more willing to try new things.

Overall, boredom should be something your kids view with happiness. You want your kids to see their bored times as times where they can be themselves, experiment, explore, and refine their passions. That kind of mindset will completely change their lives.