Kick Your Helicopter Parent Habits to the Curb — at Home and at Work

No matter where you live, there are two people you’re bound to see at every middle school band concert and high school football game: the bored-looking saxophone player muddling through her sheet music (or the overworked lineman who looks like he’d rather be anywhere else) and the overly enthusiastic parent cheering from the sidelines.

You know who these people are — you might even be one of them. These are helicopter parents. They throw themselves into every aspect of their kids’ lives and micromanage them until they have no free time and no say in their schedules. There’s little room for the kids to pursue their own interests, learn to make decisions and respond to failure, and develop the skills and confidence they need to succeed on their own.

Helicopter parents usually have the best intentions, but it isn’t in kids’ best interest for long-term development. Plus, helicopter parenting can bleed into other aspects of your life, leading you to micromanage your employees until they’re ready to revolt.

Is Your Hovering a Hindrance?
Being involved is the mark of any good parent or competent manager. After all, you need to know what’s going on with your kids or employees to support them and prevent crises.

But there’s a difference between being engaged and being overbearing, and you definitely don’t want to venture across that line on a regular basis.

Kids whose parents hover too much are more dependent and less confident, and in the workplace, micromanagement inhibits employees’ ability to contribute. In fact, 68 percent of employees who worked under a micromanager said it hurt their morale, and 55 percent said it diminished their productivity. It’s common for employees to be scrutinized so much that they actually leave a manager rather than leaving a company.

Here are some red flags that you might be hovering too much at home or at work:

You don’t delegate. You obsess over tasks being executed your way to the point of doing everyone’s jobs for them. If you find yourself doing your kids’ school projects, arguing with teachers about their grades, or holding employees back from taking on new responsibilities, you could be a hoverer.

You’re unreceptive to feedback. That whole “I’m the parent and I say so” line doesn’t really work on kids, and it definitely doesn’t fly in the workplace. Kids and employees have valuable lessons to teach you, and your team and family won’t be able to function if you don’t listen to how they’re feeling.

You push people into the wrong activities or roles. Sometimes well-intentioned parents can’t see beyond their own aspirations for their children. As a result, they often push them into activities that are out of sync with their interests or abilities. (Just because you wish you’d learned to play the piano doesn’t mean your kids care.)

In fact, children who are allowed to explore their own interests thrive more than those who aren’t, and employees who get to play to their strengths are more productive and successful.

You’re not flexible. Just as kids all learn differently, your employees work differently, too. If you’re inflexible about work arrangements, you may lose out on opportunities to boost productivity and employee satisfaction.

How to Change Your Style

If you think you might be a helicopter parent (or boss), don’t panic. There’s still time to change before you start driving your kids and employees crazy.

At my company, we focus on accountability and results instead of processes to reduce the risk of micromanaging. I let my team work in whatever way suits them as long as tasks get done and clients are happy. This empowers them to pursue new projects and ideas, broaden their skill sets, and gain confidence.

Here are some tips for changing your patterns:

Focus on people’s strengths. Don’t harp on failures or weaknesses. Help your kids or employees learn from their mistakes and move on. Celebrate their accomplishments, and reinforce good results.

Don’t live vicariously. It’s tempting to try to mold your kids or business prodigies into a version of yourself, but this will suffocate them and breed resentment. Accept them for who they are, and help them become the best versions of themselves.

Be satisfied. Don’t do cartwheels over failing grades or lost sales, but be appreciative when something is executed 90 percent according to your instructions without your direct involvement. There will always be room for improvement, but be grateful when they listen and do their best.

Learn from your decisions. Notice that I didn’t say mistakes. Even successes in school and business are worth analyzing. What went well? Why was this test or this conference different from the last one? How can you all work together better next time? Include your kids and your team in these conversations, and learn to spend more time on group discussions. They’ll likely have valuable insights and appreciate the opportunity to contribute.

Empower them. Encourage your kids and employees to take initiative on new activities or projects, and give them the resources to succeed. Your support will motivate them to do well, and they’ll be able to build their skills and confidence knowing that you’re behind them.

For example,we have a whole family of skiers and no snowboarders. My 6-year-old son is a great skier but has been fascinated by snowboarding since he was little. He would always walk over and look at snowboards in the stores we visited. He even once watched a board being mounted for 30 minutes. He had so much passion for snowboarding that I decided to get him a board and lessons. Even though this isn’t our family’s “thing,” I wanted to give him the chance.

Being a helicopter parent or boss doesn’t make you a bad person. Your dedication is admirable; it’s just your approach that needs some fine-tuning. Instead of imposing your methods or goals, learn to recognize and admire how you’re different. Give your kids and employees a little breathing room, and you’ll be surprised by how much they’ll rely on and appreciate you.

This article was originally published in BlogHer.

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Robert Glazer is founder and managing director of Acceleration Partners, a leading digital strategy and affiliate program management agency focused on profitable online customer acquisition for high-growth consumer businesses. Representative clients include Tiny Prints, Shutterfly, adidas, Reebok, ModCloth, Blurb, the Honest Company, Warby Parker, Bonobos, Rent the Runway, Target, and zulily.