Khana kyon nahi khaaya? Why didn't you eat?

One late afternoon, I ambled home from the school bus stop with my daughter. I followed in the trail of a fellow parent, a father walking ahead of me with his 10-year old son.?

He held his son’s school bag over his shoulder while impetuously attempting to pull out two boxes from the lunch bag. Like a laboratory chemist, he carefully assessed the weight, shook and opened them for further scrutiny.

This phenomenon is called tiffin seismology, the study of school lunch boxes to assess food intake and ROI for a parent who packs the box in the morning.

Anyhow, a conversation ensued between the father and son exchanging many quick verbal jabs while we followed them at close quarters.

Father: Ye kya hai? (Pointing to the lunch box remnants)

Son: Tiger Shroff….sandwich?

Father: kyon nahi khaya? Cheese daal ke sandwich banaya tha. Usme kya problem tha?

Son: Tamatar kyon daala? Everything was floating. Soggy. Put cucumber next time.

Father: What do you mean, put cucumber next time? Jo hoga wahi daalunga naa. If you don’t eat next time, I will put two dry slices of bread.

Then he uses parental seismometer on the water bottle, and exchanges a steely glance with his son.?

Son: Ok, fine. Don’t start all over again (saunters off)

(Trivia: For the unfamiliar, the school children in Bangalore carry a separate snack/lunch bag along with their regular bags)

What does this banter get me thinking about?

Early human society revealed the natural role of men as hunter-gatherers while that of women as nurturers. As societies became more complex, men began to take on nurturing roles. This included caring for children, providing emotional support to partners, and participating in community activities. In recent decades, there has been a growing movement to challenge traditional gender roles.?However, the journey from hunter-gatherer to nurturer is not an easy one for a man.?It requires men to challenge their own preconceived notions of masculinity and to embrace new ways of being. The benefits of this journey are great.?Men who are able to nurture their families and communities are happier, healthier, and more fulfilled.

Another aspect of that afternoon encounter that was visibly apparent was the “mental load” of cooking. I call it turnkey kitchen responsibility.

As the French illustrator Emma explains in her comic book, #mentalload is the invisible work of planning, organizing, and managing the household. It's the mental gymnastics we do to keep track of everything that needs to be done and not just parts of it and it is beyond the realm of "you should've asked" retort.

Mental load is often experienced by women, especially mothers.

For example, mental load around cooking is the invisible work of planning, organizing, and managing the cooking process - from deciding what to cook, making sure we have all the ingredients, buying, prepping, cooking, packing, cleaning up after. As a mum, she is not only responsible for cooking the meal, but also for making sure that everyone is fed and that the meal is something that everyone will enjoy.

The afternoon episode reminded me of how men are taking on the #mentalload too. The more the men become aware of the mental load (not just the physical load) of household responsibility, it can be more evenly distributed and less of a burden on mums.

Who is the turnkey project owner of your kitchen?

What was your watershed moment that made you who you are and choose values that define you?

?Please do share your comments, even a few words will be encouraging. Thank you.