Key Things You Must Know About Digital Body Language In Today’s Modern World

I don’t normally watch a lot of TV, but being an AFL long weekend, I got into ‘Nobody Wants This' on Netflix. OK it’s a chick flick, but I enjoyed it and was fascinated by the management by both children and adults to DBL - digital body language.

This does exist in our virtual communication, and I talk about that a lot, but the area we (maybe the older generation) ignore are your text messages and here this means anything that sends a message to the receiver other than the words.

There is more than you may think and this may include, the timeliness of the response, the punctuation or emojis or the length of the text. Younger people don’t care too much about spelling but if you type ‘there’ to me instead of ‘their’ you are going to go down a rung.

Like any communication, first of all, there are basic courtesies: communicate carefully, collaborate confidently and trust totally, says Dhawan in her book about digital body language.

In my experience, the promptness of response is critical. I can work with global CEOs and national leaders who respond within the day and that is so appreciated. It not only makes me feel good, but it raises my opinion of them. My assumption is that it sorts out the sheep from the goats and I look forward to hearing what you think.

I put it to you that there is some opportunity for individuality here. I would strongly recommend that rather than follow group norms, you let people know how you like to communicate. It sounds like a sex ed class, doesn’t it? But I guess some good advice crosses boundaries. Do you like it long or short, prompt, concise or irregular?

The next thing is that if the style of reply is something you don’t like, how about you give feedback to see if change is possible. Sounds like sex ed again, but again, there are universal good principles.

Personally, I find a sense of humour helps. In ‘Nobody wants this’ the lead character kisses the male interest and then went home and sent a text message saying “Oh no, now I’m pregnant” and then worried he would not find it funny. It was a chick flick. He did.

This may not be your style, so here is a more relevant example. If someone does not reply fast enough, say:

Hey John, I was worried not to get a faster reply. I was concerned something was wrong.

Let me know super quick next time and I’ll stop worrying.

Louise.

This actually includes four elements that can be critical to get feedback across. When in doubt. Try it. If that doesn’t work, use humour.

1. The behaviour
2. Your emotion
3. The reason
4. An alternative behaviour

Let me know your thoughts.

Love Dr Louise Mahler

1 Dhawan, E. (2021). Digital Body Language: How to Build Trust and Connection, No Matter the Distance. St. Martin’s Press (ISBN: 9781250246523).

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