The Key to Quality Relationships

The key to quality relationships isn't luck. It isn't being at the right place at the right time. Or even what neighborhood you live in.

Time and time again I hear clients, friends, and strangers complain about the people in their lives. Their relationships suck. Their relationships are a source of disappointment. They don't know why they even bother.

Sound familiar?

"I accommodate others and sacrifice my time for them yet when I take time to do what I want, I'm considered selfish."

"I don't know why I bother helping others. No one shows up for me when I need help."

"I stuck my neck out for her and she ended up stabbing me in the back."

What's your experience?

Here's the thing - the key to quality relationships isn't about the other person.

The key to quality relationships is the quality of relationship you have with yourself.

If you are accommodating others who consider you selfish, ask yourself, "do I value what I need, want, and desire or do I consider myself selfish when I take time for myself?"

If you help others that don't reciprocate and help you when you need it, ask yourself "How am I not helping myself. How am I ignoring what I need?"

If you are betrayed by people you have invested in - ask yourself, "What aspect of me am I betraying? Where in my life do I need to invest in myself?"

Your relationship with everyone in life is based on your relationship with yourself.

If you consider taking time for yourself selfish, you will say "yes" to others when you really want to say "no" and they'll expect that, otherwise they will consider you're selfish.

If you ignore what you need, want, or desire you will have relationships with people who will ignore what you need, want, or desire.

If you betray yourself by ignoring what's important to you, you will create relationships with people who will betray you.

Your relationship with yourself sets the stage for every person you meet. You are the role model showing other people how to treat you. And most of the time this "showing" is unspoken. Your relationship with yourself is a homing signal that invites others to join in - in the way you treat yourself.

Having quality relationships with people who are thoughtful requires you to be thoughtful to your own wants, needs, and desire.

Cultivating relationships with people who are honest and trustworthy, requires you to be clear and honest with what you need - what you really need without judgment - and give it to yourself.

If you desire relationships with people who are dependable and supportive, make it a practice to check in with yourself to see what you need and support yourself.

Your relationship with everyone in life is based on your relationship with yourself.

When you start honoring who you are and what you need you will meet people who will also honor who you are and what you need. As a bonus, if you meet someone who doesn't have the ability to honor who you are and what you need, you will know right away. And when you meet people who are incapable of having honorable quality relationships, take that as an invitation to check in with yourself and increase your self-awareness.

Self-awareness leads to quality relationships with self and others.

Need help with your relationships? Contact me for a 15 minute discovery call with no obligation.