The key to effective communication
áine Morgan
Coach for professional working Mums who want to feel more confident, have more impact and stop second guessing themselves and Host of the Fearless Conversations Podcast
Ineffective communication is a huge Impact killer there is and here's what I see that makes so many of us, such ineffective communicators:
We communicate on the level of our thinking as opposed to on the level of facts and solid data.
And since most of us don't question our thinking - simply because we never learned how to do so - we're communicating on the level of unchallenged thought.
It's no wonder that so many of us avoid so much communication because we're unsure as to what it is we want to say, whether we should say it or if we've completely missed a key point.
Unchallenged thinking is a grey area. Data on the other hand is either black or white.
Consider this situation:
You're frustrated that someone on your team didn't get the piece of the report he was in charge of getting to you, on time. So now you're left with no time to review and circle back to him on comments, so you'll have to bring it over the line yourself which is going to mean working late or at the weekend.
What I see is that in situations like this one, is - nothing gets said. Instead, resentment builds.
He knows you aren't delighted with him and you aren't, but the situation is very likely to play out exactly this way again in the future because the real problem has not been solved.
Where did things go awry here and how do you root it out so it doesn't happen again?
What has gone wrong in 99% of the cases that I see is that he was delegated a piece of work to do, without being given a very clear deadline. We said Tuesday lunchtime, assuming he knew this meant 12 but he thought 2 and wasn't feeling too much pressure when he sent it at 14:45.
Or, we didn't say anything when we delegated. Assuming he knew it was needed ASAP. Assuming that his awareness of the report timeline was the same as outs.
If he had a deadline, having a conversation that isn't simply based on our thoughts about him becomes much cleaner because now we're having a conversation about a deadline being missed:
Hey, I'd asked for that at 12:00 Tuesday but got it much later. It would be really helpful for us both to understand what happened for going forward. Can we discuss?
Versus
I'm really annoyed with you because (yet again) feel like you've been taking the mick and frankly can't understand what it is you do all day.
We just aren't going to say that ??(and shouldn't!).
Data is clean.
It's objective and non-offensive.
Data doesn't rock boats or hurt people's feelings. In fact, discussions based on facts and and help everyone move forward from a clearer place. Everyone benefits from this.
If you have something to communicate this week, ask yourself what the facts - solid data, of the situation you want to communicate are.
Objective facts. Words said, an email written, a deadline missed...
The facts:______________
My thoughts about the facts:_________________
What I want to communicate about the facts:__________________
Try this out for yourself.
If you want to stop avoiding having conversations that you know you should be having, but can't seem to find the right way to say the things you know you should be saying, make sure you register to be among the first to hear about the course I'll be launching later this Spring: Traction, How to have any conversation with confidence.