The Key to Breaking Free from Fear

When we’re truly honest about what affects our work life most, it’s fear. Most of our anxiety is tied to fear. Ask anyone if they’ve ever had a bad boss or been in a toxic workplace, and 100 percent will tell you they have. Sadly, it’s the norm. And it needs to change.

We could categorize bad bosses as evil. But how most bosses lead is a direct response to their own fear: fear of performance issues on their teams, fear of how they’re perceived, fear of the unknown, fear they don’t have all the answers. What if they’re wrong? The closer you are to a bad leader, the more insecurity and fear you see in them.

Most new leaders never get proper training. Most copy-and-paste a fear-based leadership style, creating fear in others. It’s all they know. But how did fear become so widespread in our work life? And how do we break free?

Fear is our baseline. It’s where we start. Whether we know it or not. It’s ever-present and all around us.

We face three types of fear:

1.???? Fear we feel from others.

2.???? Fear that is self-inflicted.

3.???? Fear tied to our growth.

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Fear We Feel from Others

Some people use tactics to create conditions of fear. They induce fear to gain control or because they see others as a threat. This causes others to believe they have power over them.

·????? Fear of Rejection. When we’re afraid of being rejected, we shy away from building relationships. Some people are hard to read and don’t have open or agreeable personalities. Fear of rejection prevents us from moving forward, whether we’re hesitant to ask our boss for a raise or invite that attractive person out on a date. But if the idea of rejection hurts, it won’t hurt as much as regret. When we give into the fear of rejection, we talk ourselves out of taking risks that could improve our lives.

·????? Fear of Being Judged. We like to feel accepted. And feeling judged can hold us back. But some people will always hold a negative opinion of you. This is why it is hard for people to show up as their creative selves at work. They’re afraid that their ideas will be mocked or ridiculed. But you can’t let others shake your principles. Be brave enough to be yourself.

“Instead of?worrying about what people say of you, why not spend time trying to accomplish something they will admire?”

—Dale Carnegie

·????? Fear of Being Micromanaged. At work or at home, we can feel boxed in when we feel disempowered. Working with others takes structure and process, but not at the risk of losing our creative voice. Controlling environments hurt us. Controlling bosses and performance-obsessed cultures go for short-term gains while killing our motivation. We need to set boundaries to escape toxic scenarios, or we need a change of scenery.

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Fear That Is Self-inflicted

Self-inflicted fear is like a mental prison that pulls us down, affecting our moods and our lifestyle. Only we determine the duration of our sentence and mete out our own punishments.

·????? Fear of Failure. This is one of the most common fears. Sure, failure is embarrassing. It can give us a negative self-image, show us how we don't measure up, and make us guarded. This fear makes us avoid new experiences and opt for the “safe and sure thing” in life.

·????? Fear of Inadequacy. This is the fear of not being good enough, that we don't measure up. This manifests in negative self-talk, perfectionism, and deep insecurity. The aim should be progress over perfection, being comfortable in our own skin, learning from our mistakes, being centered in humility and patience, and forgiving ourselves.

·?????? Fear that Something Bad Could Happen. There is nothing you can do to completely prevent bad things from happening. Ruminating on what could go wrong can make us overly cautious. Allowing this type of fear keeps us from enjoying life. We face this fear by making better choices, identifying our guiding principles, and taking action.

Fear Tied to Our Growth

This kind of fear can actually be positive. We may feel anxiety, but the discomfort can power our growth. We can tell if this kind of fear is healthy or not by checking our stress levels. Temporary discomfort is one thing; however, prolonged discomfort may not be healthy.

·????? Fear of Uncertainty. There are no guarantees that doing something new will make your life better—but it can. Don’t be paralyzed by a fear of what you can’t control. Build a foundation for your life with what you can control. Being brave isn’t about being fully prepared; it’s about trying new things, getting unstuck. Whether accepting a new job or moving to a new place, stay open.

“You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.”

—Michael Jordan

·????? Fear of Change. Change is hard. It’s scary. That’s why so many people resist it. Yet change is happening all the time. You can lose out on a lot of incredible opportunities by avoiding it. Take it one day at a time.

Brave Alone: Good, but Not Enough

?Being brave breaks us free from fear. It creates new opportunities, builds new relationships, brings new work, inspires new ideas, and leads to a new life. Being brave is about moving into the discomfort zone, confronting fears, and tackling our challenges. It’s about developing the best habits, getting the fundamentals right, and building courage.

As you lean into this newfound power, your potential converts into kinetic energy, and you begin to see yourself as a force of nature. How good do you think you can get???

Most people don’t know what to do with us when we are brave. Brave people are willing to swim upstream against all the naysayers. With grit, determination, and courage, we stay on mission and see things through. We stand up for principles and challenge the way things are done. We may gain a handful of enemies: coworkers don’t like to be called out, and bosses don’t like to be questioned.

You may face dilemmas and risk being ostracized. The status quo doesn’t like to be challenged. You may receive passive-aggressive reprimands or formal punishment at work. Being brave might put a target on your back. You may have to deal with unfair gamesmanship by people in power, but don’t let it break your spirit. Being brave is hard, especially when we’re fighting against everyone’s natural fears. The more we live our principles, the more power we unlock within ourselves.?

Once your work life trajectory is moving in the right direction, what’s next? When you achieve what you want, how will you maintain life at this level? At times, we may feel stifled, bumping our heads against the ceiling of success. Nothing is ever good enough. We continue looking for ways to be different: the next self-help trend, another 5 percent of our lives to optimize. Being bold becomes an addiction.

Maybe we haven’t reached where we want to go yet? Does braving it alone have its limits? It’s easy to let fear enter our lives unannounced like a repo man, looking to reclaim the courage we momentarily took out for a spin.

You could be scared about what’s next.?What if I succeed even more??Braving it alone comes with that risk, and all the messiness and hard work that inevitably follows. We’ve seen people hit a breaking point when it all becomes too much to handle and unravels. Will that be me??We can no longer carry the full load and wear all the hats. It all starts to fall apart—not for lack of trying, not for lack of sacrifice. Maybe it was too much? Or maybe you’ve lost your way?

Braving it alone comes with self-imposed pressure and moments of loneliness. Social media becomes a window into what we’re missing out on. We endlessly scroll to make up for a lack of face-to-face connections, and we may post just to give off the appearance that we’re happy and thriving. We may even start to feel empty, like we’re living an online version of ourselves, rather than the real thing.

Being brave is good, but it’s not enough. Neither is building strong habits. Optimizing everything makes for a good life, but we can lose sight of what truly matters. If brave alone is not enough, then what is? Brave together. Building with others. Any team that’s achieved lasting success knows this. For every Michael Jordan, there’s a Scottie Pippen and Steve Kerr who also shot crucial baskets and made big plays. Together. For every Bono, there’s an Edge, Larry Mullen Jr., and Adam Clayton who harmonized and prayed as a band before every U2 concert, turning their focus away from individual performance and toward each other and their audience. Together. For every Steve Jobs, there’s a Laurene Powell Jobs who bursts open the universe with challenging questions and insights that make hearts sing.

The dark truth of success is that if we make it all about ourselves, our own egos, our individual performance, it eventually breaks down. It won’t have staying power. Most of us have experienced the reality of bosses or corporate cultures that go it alone, pushing agendas on us, rather than building with us. Startups know this feeling. People running full speed toward their dreams know this feeling. But it’s fleeting. It doesn’t last if it’s not built with others, co-created.?And when things fail, like 80 percent of startups do, we ask why.[i] Not enough money? Not enough product-market fit? What if it has little to do with any of that and everything to do with not building the team that is doing the best work of their lives together? Why do teams fail? Maybe it has less to do with the right communication or getting the perfect culture fit, and more to do with not being willing to be brave together.

Yet we’ve found ways to strive, despite it all. To get things done. But our heart and soul are telling us there must be more to life. Doing more of what we love, with others doing what they love.?What if we lived that every single day?

Why do leaders, teams, or companies fail? They fail from within. Same with relationships. Being brave is all about together. If we don’t learn that, we’ll find ourselves burning out. We’ll miss our larger purpose on this earth. We may even become a version of ourselves we don’t like or recognize. Then what??Where do we go from there? How can we make the changes we need?

[i] Wildcat Venture Partners. “Why 80% of All Startups Fail, and What You Can Do to Succeed.” Medium, Jan 11, 2019. https://medium.com/wildcat-venture-partners/why-80-of-all-startups-fail-and-what-you-can-do-to-succeed-6a1ca11e3b79