Keeping powerful secrets

Commentary columnist-Sherry Holliman

?

Secrets carry power, and usually intentionally are hidden from others, because of its sensitive or personal nature. Have you ever heard someone say I have a secret, or I know a secret? How did hearing that make you feel? What about those family secrets? Do you keep secrets? Let’s face it, secrets are a part of life, whether they involve personal or private experiences, or complex emotions dealing with current issues. Nearly everyone carries a secret. The fact about secrets some may seem harmless, others can have serious consequences.? There are some secrets where individuals are hiding financial information from a spouse or children hiding the fact of dropping out of school from a parent which will create a heavy strain in their personal relationships. Such secrets can break the trust and lead to feelings of betrayal once they are found out. When individuals are lied to about important information, the lack of transparency can result in frustration, insecurity, and a sense of being disrespected

When secrets are kept to protect personal growth and goals, the power they hold becomes a source of strength, focus, and resilience. By keeping private matters like your dreams, finances, or life choices confidential, you are protecting your mental and emotional space from external influences. This allows you to develop independently, without the noise of negative feedback, skepticism, or judgment that could discourage you from pursuing your purpose. The power in these secrets lies in preserving your independence and staying on course with your desires, helping you become a better, more grounded person. However, secrets can be dangerous when used to hide harmful behavior, especially when others are being mistreated. Keeping secrets that involve hiding abuse, mistreatment, or neglect particularly involving the vulnerable individuals like the elderly, disabled, or victim of domestic violence. Keeping these secrets is protecting the wrong person.

This is where the power of keeping secrets changes. Staying silent to protect the abuser is not safeguarding someone’s well-being, it becomes a tool for enabling future harm. By staying silent in any of these situations, the secret should not be considered positive. Harmful secrets that are exposed will become powerless in the face of injustice. If the person decides to stay silent the victims will remain unprotected while the abusers grow more powerful. Each day the truth is hidden, the abuser gains confidence, believing their actions will never be exposed. This enables them to continue or even escalate their harmful behavior. Harmful secrets must be revealed! Exposure is being an advocate for justice. Exposing abuse or mistreatment shifts the power away from the abuser and toward those seeking to protect the victims. By speaking up you strip the abuser of their lies of secrecy that allows them to thrive.

Simply put, the true power of secrets lies in providing or not providing transparency and accountability, as it empowers those who have been silenced and takes away the abuser’s control. Secrets can be a powerful tool, but the impact of that power depends entirely on the nature of the secret and the motivations behind keeping it. When used to protect your personal development, the power of a secret is transformative. When a secret is used to commit harm or hide wrongdoing, it becomes destructive, perpetuating harm and stripping away the potential for change. Only the secret keeper can recognize this distinction and determine whether a secret should be kept or revealed. Some secrets must be not “secrets” and addressed with open communication.

Secrets can be healthy if they help protect personal privacy and maintain boundaries, especially when information is sensitive or deeply personal. Also in some cases, keeping a secret can protect others from unnecessary emotional pain or harm. The best reason to keep a secret is planning a happy surprise for someone, keeping joyful secrets can lead to positive outcomes and create excitement. All other secrets overall, especially in close relationships, can lead to a breakdown in trust if unintentionally discovered, providing feelings of betrayal or dishonesty. The emotional burden of keeping secrets can cause stress, anxiety, and guilt as the person may feel extremely burdened by the weight of the hidden information and keeping a secret can create emotional distance, isolating the person keeping it from others and making relationships feel. How you decide to share a secret is your decision but understand that there may be serious repercussions if they prevent others from making informed decisions or taking necessary actions. Balancing when to keep a secret and when to share is important to maintain healthy relationships and personal well-being.