Keeping the Peace Through Divorce

January, often called "Divorce Month," makes me think of those navigating this difficult path. Divorce is never a triumph, but how you handle it can be gratifying.

Over a decade ago, I was battling a series of health issues—knee and ear surgeries, severe allergies, muscular pain requiring therapy, and thyroid complications. It felt relentless, with every doctor prescribing something new. Then, one day, I asked a trusted resource if she knew any holistic practitioners in Atlanta. She did.

I booked the first available appointment months in advance and was told to expect a long wait since this doctor took her time with each patient. That alone felt refreshing. As I waited, I filled out a 20-page "life" questionnaire—far more introspective than the standard three-page medical forms.

When I finally walked into her unconventional office, I sensed this experience would be different. After reading through my questionnaire, asking questions thoughtfully, and talking for a while, she handed me a note from a prescription pad. It simply read:

“Ask for what you want, not for what you think you can get.”

I had not even contemplated divorce at that time.

Years later when I came across the note, I mailed it back to her with two words: Thank you.

That wisdom stayed with me as my husband and I went through individual therapy, leading us to a highly regarded marriage counselor. On our first visit, she told us:

"My goal isn’t to keep you together at all costs, but to help you understand each other better. If you choose to divorce, it will be a well-considered decision."

We agreed and spent the next year in counseling. It ultimately led to our divorce.

But that doctor’s 'prescription' helped me see that divorce didn’t have to be a battle. It wasn’t about blame or punishment—it was about fairness and peace. That became my focus.

When my husband and I met with a mediator, she asked what mattered most to us. We both agreed: our children and keeping the peace for their sake. She responded, “Then every decision we make will center on that.”

Now, ten years later, I know we did our best. I had kind-hearted advisors at every turn—friends, family, and professionals who encouraged peace, not conflict.

Tragically, the man I once loved deeply later battled glioblastoma brain cancer. For fourteen long, painful months, we were all actively involved in his care. He passed away peacefully in June of 2021.

Why Am I Sharing This?

Because if even one person finds comfort or a new perspective in this story—and passes it on to someone else who may need it—then it’s worth telling.

Life is too short to live unhappily. It’s also too short to fight through an already painful situation. Find wise advisors, surround yourself with positive people, and don’t let negativity consume you.

Here are a few things that also helped me stay centered:

• Listen to music that reminds you of the happiest, most grounded times in your life.
• Create a morning routine—mine included meditation and yoga.
• Eat well—minimize sugar, and don’t numb emotions with junk food or alcohol. I found completely abstaining from alcohol kept me level-headed throughout.
• Walk outside daily if the weather allows.
• Read and watch uplifting content—what you consume affects your mindset.
• Stay connected—spend time with loved ones and avoid isolation.
• Limit social media if it brings you down.
• Prioritize sleep—get 7-9 hours a night.
• Create a vision board of what you want your life to look like in the next year or two.
• Allow yourself to grieve—healing takes time.

A Final Thought

"Peace is not something you wish for; it’s something you make, something you do, something you are, and something you give away." —John Lennon

Linda Crane