Keeping conversations going helps

Starting a conversation is the first point. Regarding this, by thinking too much before you speak will cause you mind-block, and then your tongue will be tied. People can sense that you are uneasy, and it can make them feel uneasy too. In the end it causes both of you to be uneasy hence the conversation will end fast to escape from such uneasiness subconsciously. Find something that you can talk about. Talk about the cheesecake he is eating, talk about the perfume she sprayed, talk about the handbag she carries which catches your attention… You can start a good conversation with simple things

Then about continuing a conversation is the tricky part, because too many things can happen in between and it’s impossible for me to take into account all the scenarios. Hence it is very important to remember that you need to be flexible. In every conversation, I have something called “connectors”. Connectors are topics that can link you to the next topic and continue the conversation. For example: Me: This pair of shoes looks cool on you, especially when it’s white and you are wearing all black - I like the contrast! S: Oh really? Thanks for your compliment. I bought this because of the design.

Here, S actually gave me a connector “design” to continue the conversation. So I can say, “By choosing this design definitely shows part of your personality.” This sentence will give S a new connector “personality” to follow, whereby she can pick up the topic and asks, “What do you mean by that?” And then you can continue from there. What if S is being cold towards you from the start? Such as, “Oh really? Thanks for your compliment.” There are no connectors from her, then what should you do? You can start a new connector to see if she will pick it up, by saying, “It’s not only about compliment. In fact, I know that a person’s style will show a part of his or her personality.”

Usually, continuing a conversation is all about you finding the “connectors” that they give, and at the same time, throw them some “connectors” to continue the topic. However, while doing this, you need to be aware whether they are willing to talk to you or not. If they are rushing or not in a mood to talk, then politely end the conversation and leave them alone will be good. Why? Because politely ending a conversation actually shows respect to their need. They want to and need to and wish to end the conversation, so just give them what they want.

When you get a feeling like you have nothing to say, or, experiencing a case of nerves when attempting to initiate or carry on a conversation with another individual, is hardly an uncommon phenomenon. It can take a lot of experience speaking with all sorts of people, and in many varied settings, before one is fully able to just relax and allow conversation to flow. A relaxed reciprocal conversation does also require that the person you are attempting to speak with, possesses at least some semblance of an easy-flowing conversational style about them, as well. After all, there’s only so far one person can go, in their attempts to uphold an entire conversation, before starting to feel fatigue and disinterest.

Good conversation is best when it’s mutual, or, at least, when there is a mutual desire in wanting to communicate. Now, as far as the words or the phrases to choose when initiating conversation—there are better ways to start off a discussion, and there are also worse (read: more boring) ways to speak with someone. A very ‘common’ avenue people choose to initiate a discussion, is by asking: “what do you do for a living?”. If you are hoping for a conversation that is beyond the ‘ordinary’, you really ought to try another approach—and I don’t mean for you to ask: “what do you think about the weather?”.

Most people have varied interests and passions in their lives. What you want to do is construct questions that will help your conversational partner start to reveal more about these interests and passions. Try asking something like: “what do you like to do on your down time?” You can then follow that up with: “do you play musical instruments?”; “are you involved in any athletics currently?”; “do you enjoy the arts—either by practicing artistic endeavors or hobbies yourself, or, perhaps, by visiting museums and galleries?”; “are you interested in classic films?; “do you enjoy reading—and, if so, what?”; “have you travelled lately/do you enjoy travel/what is your favorite place that you’ve visited—and why?”; “are you an animal lover/if so, which ones?”; “do you currently do/have you done volunteer work?”; “describe the best day/trip/vacation/experience you’ve ever had”.

Mostly as you can see—there are literally countless ways to get a conversation going. The questions I offered above will potentially lead to hours of rewarding discussions. You see, once you start delving into certain aspects of a person’s life, most individuals will tend to feel greater ease and comfort with you, and hence, will be more open to sharing personal information. Additionally, they will want to pose reciprocal questions back to you. The most important aspect of good communication with anyone, is to ensure that you are fully listening to the words being spoken.

You want for your acquaintance, friend, co-worker, etc… to feel as if you genuinely care about what they are saying. Additionally, and just as critical—is maintaining steady eye contact throughout the conversation. All of these actions—while subtle and even silent, speak volumes to the individual you are conversing with, that you are fully invested in the words and ideas that they are sharing with you. Cheers!