Keep Your Validation, I'm Good

The best advice my husband has ever given me hit me like a freight train: "Stop giving people permission to hurt your feelings."

I am so grateful for that tough love.

I believe, that adults who have experienced some of the worst life has to offer (whether it be in their personal, professional or even spiritual lives) know that things will not always go their way and people will disappoint. Most times, people are only looking out for themselves, or they associate with you because of what you can do for them. Pragmatism ain’t always pretty. The problem many of us have is accepting this reality. Truth is, when things do not go as we expected or people hurt us, we are not so much angry at the offenders for revealing who they are; we want to kick ourselves because they are not who we wanted them to be.

The need for validation is debilitating. There is a big difference between valuing the opinions of those we trust and who have our best interests at heart, and longing for your boss, your friend, or your mate to approve everything you do for your accomplishments to matter. That is an emotional chokehold that will ultimately squeeze the life out of you. To give anyone, no matter who they are, that much power over your feelings and your reason for being is equivalent to selling your soul to a buyer who will never appreciate its value. Your dignity is not for sale.

Never surrender who you are, what you achieve, or what you are capable of, to the care of others. Own your individuality, what you conceive and create, and the magnificent person you are destined to be. People cannot take what is wholly and undeniably yours. No one can rearrange the steps God has ordered. Master becoming confident, independent, determined, and downright fearless. Moreover, stop throwing the words friend, sister, brother, “ride-or-die” around arbitrarily. We're popping those terms like candy and when the people we assign them to fail us, we are left with a bitter taste in our mouths. Everyone has not earned those titles. Know (and understand) the difference between a true friend, acquaintance, co-worker. Be careful whom you allow in your circle.

None of this will be easy. But it is possible and it is necessary if you are ever going to be free. You may bend, you may even crack, but your innate strength (much of which may be untapped) will never allow you to shatter or break beyond repair.

There are people in your life who genuinely care about you. They are the ones who are present when you are doing well and they are the ones who come through when you hit rock bottom. The others happen to share the same air. Never make them the breath of life.

Note the difference.

Stay encouraged.

Written by: Liz Faublas