Keep Your Child in Mind: The Best Custody Hack

Before I let you in on a secret "life-hack" that can turn your custody battles upside down, let's go over a few things..

Many of us have been there before, just as I, just as many more will be; Stuck in a post-break-up/divorce with children and custody at hand. As if the end of a relationship wasn't bad enough, children open the door to a WHOLE NEW REALM of arguments, disagreements, feelings, etc.

Cheated on? Left stranded? Bank account wiped out? A lot of us have been there before. Does it make you angry? Of course, as it should. However, when you have a child with your biggest or current enemy, what is your best play? You feel robbed?

The answer is fairly easy once you establish your priorities. What is your priority in this situation? The CHILD. Easy answer, of course. When you truly understand the depths of this answer, ALL of your future actions and conversations should SOLELY SUPPORT THAT ANSWER.

Why? Because you're not "raising a child", you are "raising an adult". You are mutually responsible for educating this child with ALL of the information in the world in such a SMALL amount of time.

Is this child of yours entertained by both parents arguing? No, absolutely not. Did this child ELECT to be thrown into the middle of petty battles? No, absolutely not. Who pays for the arguments? The child. Every single time. Would that be counterproductive to keeping your child as the NUMBER ONE PRIORITY? Yes.

Those of us that have been WRONGED by the other parent have this underlying desire to convey that message to the CHILD. Your ego tells you to inform the child that you're not the "bad guy". Watch me point the finger the other direction. JUST WATCH. In other words, there are MANY parents that drag their kid off to the side to down-talk the other parent. It's quite unfortunate. Remember this.... though your relationship MAY be broken with that other person, WHO ARE YOU to break that same relationship with a child?! Think about this question thoroughly.

TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THIS, if your "co-parent" is such a disaster, your child will someday SEE this with their own eyes. They will hear this with their OWN ears. It's not your place to influence their beliefs. As a matter of fact, if you play that role, it will produce an adverse effect. If, in fact, your child's other parent is destructive, simply teach your child to be smart. The other pieces will fall into place. TAKE that to the bank.

So what is your play?

What is the best way to go about things? Let's say your ex has become an annoyance. Let's say that they're verbally abusive toward you. Let's say that they often use your child as a game-piece to get the results they want. WHAT IS YOUR PLAY?

The answer to this is SO SIMPLE, your head will spin. Not only have I used this, successfully, I have given this advice on multiple occasions over the past (10) years.

So what is it? What is the life-hack per se? Simple. "Kill them with kindness.

Kill them with kindness???? Yes. This phrase was once said to me many, many years ago and it completely change the outcome of my custody/time with my child. It was the VERY reason I was able to obtain full custody.

For starters, it's generally a "good thing" to be kind. I think we can agree on that. It's even better to be kind to someone that doesn't necessarily deserve it. Though it may be EXTREMELY hard to bite your tongue at times, the payoff in the end will be well worth it.

Eventually, this forces the other parent to reciprocate kindness to you. Easy psychological HACK.

WHO WINS IN THIS SITUATION? The child. Success, correct?!

It's like slapping the top of a pool. The waves are rough, they get rougher, and rougher. As soon as you start slapping the water, the waves slowly start to disappear. They have no motion. They have nothing to bounce from. Calmness happens.

Calmness.

Again... who wins? The child.

Again... WHAT is your priority?