Keep it real

I’ve heard the word “authenticity” more frequently in 2019 than I have in the past decade. My husband and I managed to steal a night away in Zurich recently. On checking in, we saw a sign for Happy Hour in the hotel lobby reading “Drinks 6-8pm! Live an authentic moment with friends!”. Ugh. Needless to say we opted out of that one. That’s the catch I think… as soon as you name something “authentic”, it automatically denotes a degree of fake.

In the world of work, however, I don’t think we talk enough about keeping it real. Back in my consulting days, I dressed as I felt a consultant should dress, shiny cuff-links and all (photographic evidence would suggest I was largely taking cues from the TV series Ally McBeal), was almost permanently positive, had a flawless game-face and was first to spew the latest corporate jargon. The words “align”, “solutionize” and “deliver” fell from my lips on a continual basis, with no sense of irony. I’ll be honest, it kinda worked. You see, I’m not sure people really care whether you’re authentic or not as long as you don’t ruffle too many feathers and you get the job done. I’d argue it’s perfectly possible to build a very successful career this way and I’m sure we all know a person or two who has. Looking back on those game-face days of consulting though, it was incredibly tiring. I would go home, kick off my three-inch heels and morph back into my “non-work” self. A decade or so ago, I recall getting a huge promotion and promptly bursting into tears over drinks a few hours later with my friends. Such was the tension between my work and home personas. In my twenties it was just about possible to separate life from work and hold it all together, but as a working 42 year old mum of a two-year old, I now find it exhausting to do anything other than at least attempt to bring more of my whole self to work, and yes – undiminished in much lower heels. Don’t get me wrong: this takes some courage. Casting off your well-honed corporate mask and showing more of your true personality and your true feelings can be daunting, yet liberating stuff. My own energy levels aside, I believe that if as leaders, we’re serious about inclusion as a key enabler to performance, then encouraging people to be themselves at work needs to be part of the deal. I can’t hope for my team to speak up, share their ideas and be willing to take risks if I’m not prepared to give them access to my real self with all of my strengths… and my flaws.

In the corporate world, many of us have somehow learned that to do well at work we need to be political and “play the game”. We try to consistently portray ourselves in the best light possible when it comes to work situations. The downside to this way of working is that it can create an environment where we are constantly on our guard. When the real enemy is the competitor outside, internal politics seem to create unnecessary stress and inhibit innovation. So how do I try to keep it more real?

1.    This has probably been the most helpful: I’ve had the pleasure and pain of observing intently some great... and some not so great leaders over the years. This has helped me identify my own values so that I can try to act congruently

2.    I’m trying to be more comfortable with imperfection. When I observe others that are good at what they do, they aren’t necessarily polished or perfect. Admitting my weaknesses can be hard, but it gives others the opportunity to step up in areas where I am less proficient. Surely this is what team work is all about?

3.      I try to share as much as I can, (without oversharing!) and I try to be clear about what can’t share and why. I’ve never heard anyone complain when I’ve explained that I’m not able to discuss something confidential

4.      I try not to shy away from difficult conversations with employees. Often it is easier in the moment to avoid giving someone honest feedback or to give them a diluted version of the truth but ultimately, the tougher ,clearer message is usually the kinder one

5.    I try to speak up when I’ve made a mistake. In my experience, this earns you more trust from people, not less

6.    I bring my personality and humour to work, but with an appropriate degree of filter. We’re still at work. My husband, friends and coach get access to my full, unbridled self. Lucky them!

Of course if the pursuit is “keeping it real”, then it happens sometimes (often!) that I fail at some or all of the above. Oh well. Hopefully this is an area where you earn a few points for trying.

Now, not that I’m quite there yet, but if anyone has come up with a better term than “authentic leadership” then I would love to hear it…