Keep Calm, It's Outside Your Control

Do you have everything under control in your life?  I expect that sometimes it may feel that way and other times definitely not.  We like to feel in control as it helps to create a sense of certainty or knowing that things are going according to plan – our plan anyway.  But are you actually in control and what do you have control over?  The answer may surprise you.

In fact the only things you really have any control over is your behaviour, your attitude, your effort, your thoughts and your actions.   Everything else is outside your control but knowing that doesn’t necessarily stop you worrying about them.  However worrying about things over which you have no control is exhausting and can lead to stress, anxiety and overwhelm.  In the long term it can have a major impact on physical and emotional health.

If you recognise that this is affecting you then it’s time to do something differently. One way is to start to pay attention to all those things that worry or concern you and make a note of them.  Some may be clear to you and some might pop up unexpectedly; make sure you include all of them and notice if any patterns emerge. 

Once you have the list you then you need to ask yourself “in relation to this particular topic/person/event, where do I have control?”  If the answer is that you don’t then it’s important to recognise that no amount of worry and concern will change anything and make a conscious decision to let go of your desire to control it.   

A couple of examples:  Many people worry about other people’s actions, opinions, feelings and mistakes but do you have any control over them?  No.  You may be able to influence others at times but any changes have to be made by them so there is little you can do.

Others may worry about the future and become very anxious about all kinds of negative possibilities.  Can you control the future?  No.  The best you can do is to plan for your preferred future and planning is within your control.

Spending energy on something that is beyond your control is energy intensive and can lead to burnout.  Choosing to redirect that energy towards something you can influence or an area where you do have control will help change your perspective and create the opportunity for you to get more enjoyment from life. 

What do you need to let go of today?

By Rowena Hardy