Keep Calm and Carry On

COVID 19, what is there to say. During its reign, I have moved jobs, made decisions in my personal life that I would never have considered were possibilities a few years ago, and uprooted myself and my 15 years old to another city (local, but still another one that takes me away from a life that I ended up not being my final destination.) 

This morning around 5 AM, I got up as usual and started to pack my bedroom; most everything else is in boxes ready to be opened in Bethesda, MD. While packing, I saw a spider, or should I say it introduced itself to me, timidly and covertly. A few minutes later, which involved load language, destroyed cardboard boxes, an untimely demise to an arachnoid, and a possible dislocated toe I realized, I might not be as calm and together as I thought.

So, instead of heading straight for the bourbon, which was packed and I think the real reason I did not pour a dram, I sat, already exhausted, and thought about ways to calm myself. Emily Rothberg was on my mind because of a webinar of hers I attended yesterday. The topic was "How to Manage Your Career. Right. Now" and many of the essential and insightful steps she presented fit my current dilemma of remembering how to stay calm. So as therapy, and penance for being part of extinguishing an innocent insect, I thought I would share a list of steps that, if honestly applied, can help us all in our daily struggle.

Before I start, I wanted to add why. Why is it important to be calm. Well, we all hear about the need to get away and release tension to keep our minds sane. Or, to take a day of "self-therapy" to reinvigorate our souls. All great things, but there was a quote from a few years back that stuck in my head that I think is essential. "The more tranquil a person becomes, the greater chance they will have for success, influence, and power for good. The calmness of mind is a jewel of wisdom". This is a bit of Paraphrasing because it was a quote from the 1950s, and let's say that it was more directly focused on a single-gender and their influence and power, so I modernized it.

Regardless, the point is vital. If we can create calm in who we are, it will help us better navigate the storms. This calm can help us focus not just in times of stress, but during the tranquil moments. Imagine being able to take a day for ourselves not to stop us from losing it and going on a spider killing spree, but so we can enjoy ourselves. 

Steps to "stay calm and carry on."

1. Plan. Now, if you know me, you know I will plan, but not every detail. To tight a schedule will ensure failure. Now before you, all pick up your pitchforks, hear me out. You plan for the day, you plan for alternatives, you plan for contingencies to those alternatives. And then at the first unexpected situation, it all goes out the window. Mike Tyson said it best (I know! Paraphrasing again) Everyone has a gameplan for the fight, which always goes away once you are hit in the face. So, I am saying, plan, but be able to go with the flow.
2. Focus. I am great at multi-tasking, but it is not a power I have, it is just because I can juggle. Multi-tasking is equivalent to being able to do many things well at the same time. It is not the ability to do Great thinks, really well at the same time, regardless of what people think. So, a key to getting through the storm is to focus on the task, put it to bed, and focus on the next big job. Piles reduce, fires start to go out, stress never takes over, focus. Martin Luther King said it best when he said: "You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."
3. Flexibility. As I stated in Plan, things that you do not expect to happen will. Now there are exceptions. Think about the head coach of the New England Patriots, love him or hate him, we all have to agree that he comes across like a stone in press conferences and on the sideline most of the time. Is it because he does not care? Or is it because he has been doing this for so long he has planned for everything? As we saw last year at the end of the season, he too can be surprised. So, my point. Don't be surprised when you are surprised. Expect the unexpected. Be like Maxwell Smart, kind of. Or take inspiration from another master, Bruce Lee, "Don't get set into one form, adapt it and build your own, and let it grow. Be like water...be formless, shapeless-like water...water can flow or it can crash, be water".
4. Prioritize: Not every problem is your problem. You are not responsible for every solution. And to this point, not every task has the same importance. They are not all equal. Wedding rings come in the smallest box, but for many, at least for a time, it is the most important of things. Remember to prioritize tasks each day and accomplish the important ones first. Also, remember that significant things can pop up, so be ready to refocus. 
5. Step Back. Sometimes we need to give ourselves that opportunity to see things from a different angle. Take a step back on occasion so you can see the situation differently. That new perspective can help you reprioritize, refocus, pivot, and set a new plan in motion. If there is anything I have learned recently, it is that because it is always done this way is rarely the answer. 
6. Breathe. In all physical activities related to sports or exercise, you are continually being told to control your breathing; you should apply those lessons in your daily life. It helps you focus and regulates your body. This is important even when you are not pounding dumbbells, or during kickboxing class.
7. Trust. Yourself, and those on your team. We are a pack mentality type of creature. We can accomplish more in teams. We only throw that away when we start to believe only I can do it, and that tends to be based on the fact we do not trust those around us. I know this, and it was and is the hardest thing to do in my life. Fear stops me from doing it, and the only person that truly is hurt is yourself. Mainly because if you do not trust, others will cease trusting in you. Trusting will allow you to allow things in general. 
8. Be unconditional. No matter what you do, do it completely. Don't do anything, or live by holding yourself back. Second-guessing will create a hesitation in you that can and will creep up at the wrong times. Which builds regret, and then self-doubt or even more second-guessing, you get the point. Failure does two things great! First, you learn, don't do that again, and second, you have to think of another way to do something. 
9. Allow. Allow others to help, allow tools to do their jobs, allow yourself to let things go, and allow the fact to settle in that you cannot control everything. Control is usually based on fear. That is no way to live. Fear tears at our image. Not of how others see us, but of how we see ourselves. What we project in the end is how we see us. We need to see possibilities and allow failure to happen so we can learn. Our internal voice controls us. Therefore we attempt to control others to protect ourselves. Failure needs to be embraced; otherwise, how is anyone going to learn?
10. Avoid. If you are working toward calm, eventually, you will have to stop accepting things that undermine that calm in your daily life. I am not talking about daily tasks, or even of demanding clients or customer service reps for automotive third party warrantees, I mean seriously, stop calling me. Sorry. Breathe. Ok, destructive things will come into our day, guaranteed, and it is not them that is the problem, but how we handle them. How do we allow them to affect us? Pressure builds if we allow them to do so. I am not suggesting life is a solely happy place, "no worries, be happy" situation all the time. But you have the power to stop adding negativity to that situation. Stop making it worse! Navigate does not always mean plowing through something. Sometimes, but not always. There are better ways, choose the best and accept.
11. Change. We are incredible beings, we all are, BUT, we are not perfect. NO ONE IS! That is not what makes life worth living. That does not give us reason to rise and face the day. Change does. How we can grow can help us each day, and each day we can change things while reinforcing other GREAT stuff in us. Our job is not to be the best! It is to be better than yesterday. 

I always used to say, that I want to be the person my dog thinks I am. I find that difficult to say now because I lost him a few weeks ago. He taught me how to be a better human more than almost anyone in the world has, or at least that is what I tell myself. What he did do was emulate so many of the things on this list and was the real inspiration. 

If you want to be calm, to gain the benefits to a calm mind truly, then learn from your mistakes, focus on solutions, be in the moment, accept how things are and plan on how you will change them if they are not to your liking, Breathe to regulate your body. Still, most of all, be like Mozzie, live unconditionally.