The Keelwood issue #2 - Childishly Good Advice

When I was little, I was an only child, and my mom was a single parent. I was literally her everything, and she was literally my everything. Now, as a parent myself, I've started reflecting on my own childhood and I realize how naive I was - and still am. I think that naivety comes from being an only child (or just a child) and being showered with love, encouragement, and belief in myself. My mom was so good at showering me with love and encouragement that I believed I would become the best tennis player in the world.

Since I’ve failed at everything so far (read my previous columns published on Breakit (here) if you want to know more (yes, they failed with the title)), I also failed at becoming the best tennis player in the world, as you might guess. Otherwise, you would probably know who I am, and I likely wouldn't be writing issues about failures.

On the way home from yet another lost tennis tournament, my mom said something that has stayed with me. You can imagine how loss-heavy a sport like tennis is when many participate in a tournament but only one wins - and even when you win that tournament, you are not exactly the best in the world. Maybe the best in Flen or Karlskoga that specific weekend. But this particular weekend, I wasn’t even that - as had been the case many weekends before and after this particular one. But this particular weekend, my mom said this one thing that has stuck with me ever since. She said, "As long as you know for sure that you are going to win, you cannot lose." It's very naive to believe that's true. But I believed her - I just realised that I didn’t believe in myself and therefore continued to lose despite this enormous glitch in the system to actually become the best in the world. It was just a matter of knowing for sure that I would be the best in the world, and then I would succeed in becoming it. But I didn’t know that for sure, so I never did become the best.

That naivety has stuck with me, though. Because when I continuously failed at tennis, I knew that compared to becoming the best in the world at tennis, it is statistically much easier to succeed in business. So that was my backup plan that I am now executing. That was, of course, also very naively thought. But think how good it is to be naive - and think how little naive we are when we have grown up. Why is that?

And because he doesn’t know better, he knows everything he knows that there is to know.

According to many health trends, or at least some trend I've heard of - maybe it was some form of mindfulness? - we should embrace the child within us. Become more like a child. If there’s one thing I am painfully aware of as a parent of young children, it’s that children are enormously naive. My 5-year-old, for example, claims that he knows everything. And because he doesn’t know better, he knows everything he knows that there is to know. That’s quite naive. It is, according to that trend I’m not familiar with - or at least according to me and this issue - how we should be a bit more. Dare to be naive.

In my latest issue on failure (also published on Breakit (here )), I coined a new type of intelligence - the intelligence on how to fail. I failed myself with the abbreviation of this intelligence that I call Failure Intelligence (FI) - because everyone who only read my headline on Breakit thought I was writing about the Financial Supervisory Authority (known as “FI” in Sweden). An important ingredient and part of FI is precisely this naivety. To be able to bet against all odds, and to believe in it. To dare to continue when everything looks bleak after yet another misstep toward the goal. To stubbornly believe that it will work next time, like a donkey. Thomas Edison is said to have said, "I have not failed 10,000 times - I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that won’t work." Undeniably naive - but he also eventually succeeded.

naivety creates experiences that others never experience because of their lack of naivety

I recently had a conversation with Niclas Molinder in my podcast where I admiringly said that I was inspired by his naivety. It then struck me that it might not sound as encouraging as I thought it did. Is it that I just like words that everyone else thinks sound bad? Failures, risk, and now naivety. Wikipedia has two definitions of naive. One is very negatively toned, where naive means having a lack of experience. That explains why one might take offense at being called naive. But I claim the opposite—naivety creates experiences that others never experience because of their lack of naivety. The other definition is more cryptically angled towards the childish but still positive way: "produced in a simple, childlike manner, deliberately avoiding sophisticated techniques; practicing naivism." Maybe not a definition I cheer about either, or barely understand, but there you have it, childlike, simple and just fantastic. The approach which makes us dare to learn new things, dare to try, and never give up. I have so far not seen or heard of a healthy child who gives up on learning to walk despite getting bruises and bumps before they are even close to mastering this gravitational balancing act we perform daily after learning it. Total naivety. Absolutely crucial for our development. There is so much positive about being naive in an intelligent way - probably even in an unintelligent way -? that is not apparent in the word's meaning and definition today.

To be able to fail again and again, and again, and still be trying, that childhood naivety needs to remain intact, or be revived. That is also the common denominator I see in the successful entrepreneurs I’ve interviewed. They have failed again and again, but like a child’s naivety, they have continued towards their goal, convinced that they will reach it, and that they are the right person to reach that goal. And as long as they are convinced that they are the right person and that they will reach that goal, they will eventually succeed.?

Because that’s what my mom said.