Kathleen Egge Book Review: Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss

Book Title: Never Split the Difference 

Author: Chris Voss 

My "take-no-prisoners" personality cat thinking back on the findings from "Never Split the Difference." She approves.

Introduction to Never Split the Difference 

Never Split the Difference is a one-of-a-kind book on the subject of negotiation. Negotiation is a popular topic in business literature, but Never Split the Difference took a unique and refreshing approach to communicating its takeaways.

Considering the author, Chris Voss, is a former FBI hostage negotiator, he often starts each new learning with a gripping story of how that tactic was used in his former role. This adds a bit of drama not often found in business books. This technique is effective in helping the reader to remember the teachings within the book, because they can be related back to real stories that feel like they are straight from a TV show.

Key Takeaways

1.     Be a mirror. To be a mirror is to leverage a trait many already do subconsciously – which is to copy one another to comfort each other (via speech patterns, body language, vocabulary, tempo, and tone of voice). Chris focuses on just one of the methods of copying: the words spoken. He recommends repeating the last three words someone has spoken when we reply to build a bond of trust and familiarity. 

2.     Use labels. This is the technique of spotting the emotions of others and repeating your assumptions regarding their emotions back to them (i.e. labeling their emotions). Utilizing this approach helps demonstrate empathy and understanding. This can be useful to diffuse fears, or to help reinforce positive emotions. 

3.     Do an accusation audit. An accusation audit is when you list any negative emotions the other party may be thinking before they have a chance to address them first. This allows you to set the tone of the conversation regarding those emotions. This can help diffuse negative emotions before the other party fully realizes them, or before they have time to transform into steadfast objections. 

4.     Realize the beauty in “no”. It can be tough to realize that “no” is not synonymous with failure. A lot of the times, “no” can mean: not yet, I need more information, I would like time to think things through on my own, I cannot afford it, etc. Therefore, when you encounter “no”, it is prudent to follow-up with a few questions to understand why they have said “no”. “No” also makes your counterpart feel safe, which opens the door to a more honest conversation. It is for this reason that embracing “no” helps start a more valuable conversation than pushing for “yes” too soon ever does. 

5.     When talking numbers, leverage a range and odd numbers. When it does come down to brass tacks and numbers are being negotiated, two great tips are to leverage ranges and odd numbers. You can use a range where your ideal number is the “low” end, and the “high” number of the range comparatively makes your number look affordable. Also, an odd number indicates there was serious thought and consideration put into determining the number – and perhaps there is no further room for negotiation. 

6.     Use calibrated questions. The best way to politely say “no” in a negotiation is to reply with a “how” question. If the party you are negotiating with presents unreasonable conditions, answering “how am I supposed to do that?” takes the aggression out of your response and leads the other party to solve your problems for you. “What” can also be effective in certain situations. These are called calibrated questions, because they need to be calibrated to fit the situation at hand and used wisely.  

7.     Find the Black Swan. This is Chris Voss’ favorite negotiating topic, so much so that he named his company the Black Swan Group. A black swan is an “unknown unknown.” A.k.a. something so game-changing that, when it is discovered, it can entirely disrupt the negotiating playing field. To avoid a black swan disrupting or ruining a negotiation, let “known knowns” guide you, but not blind you. Just because something has always been one way does not mean it will necessarily be the same way again. Also, be sure to take the negotiation one step at a time and not get lost in the future vision of what is to come. This is an easy way to not pick up on critical information that can cue a black swan. 

My Favorite Part of the Book

Learning the importance of “that’s right” vs. “yes” was my biggest takeaway from Never Split the Difference. As Chris Voss puts it, these are two words that “immediately transform any negotiation”.

The reason for this is that “that’s right” ensures the whole story has been understood and takes a deeper level of commitment than just spouting off a “yes”. When someone says “that’s right” after you summarize your understandings or recent conversation, it is a better indication you are on the same page. In our current society, yeses can be thrown out early and often – but are not a substitution for true understanding. “That’s right" helps indicate that understanding has been achieved. 

Recommended for… 

“Never Split the Difference” is great for those who want to read business books, but frankly get bored or tired of reading similar material when they do so. Yes, “Never Split the Difference” covers a few standard negotiating topics, but there are also many new ones to consider. The added drama from real-life FBI hostage negotiating examples adds intrigue that keeps this novel fast-paced while it communicates a plethora of educational topics, tips and advice.

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