Karpman's Dramatic Triangle

The Dramatic Triangle is the name by which Stephen Karpman defined the relationship between three specific roles: victim, rescuer, and persecutor.

In the office, Maria has problems managing her time. In general, she gets overwhelmed with tasks and projects. She finds it difficult to prioritize and is therefore often behind schedule. She is unable to change her outlook and continually complains (victim role) about not being able to work more efficiently. Teresa (savior role) is Maria's partner and always comes to her rescue in complex situations: she completes incomplete tasks, helps her with reminders and solves technical problems.

Pedro (persecutor role), another teammate who aspires to the position of manager and who coordinates teamwork, is frustrated because he feels that Maria does not know how to do her job and that Teresa wastes her time to help her. He feels that these delays impact on management, so he keeps pushing Maria, telling her to improve, that she must change. He says he is doing it to help her, but his actions are more like internal persecution.

Teresa (now in the role of victim) is terribly upset by the situation and ends up getting angry with Pedro, telling him that, because of him, she feels accused of wrongdoing.

In this example we see how in the same situation one can move from one role to another depending on the circumstances and the emotional state. The three roles feedback on each other, constructing a dysfunctional relationship model that causes suffering in all its positions.

Each of us may identify more with one of these roles and could slip in and out of any of the characters involved in the dramatic triangle. With some situations we tend to settle into one of the three (e.g., ‘savior of children,’ ‘accuser of a colleague,’ “persecutor” of a family member).

The three characters involved in the dramatic triangle constitute emotionally immature strategies that are established as a defensive strategy in the face of conflict situations.

What are the characteristics of each of these profiles?

The victim

The victim believes himself to be the recipient of the other's behavior, he tends to take everything to heart and therein lies his livelihood, his way of being the protagonist. The victim does not seem to have any influence on the facts, things ‘happen’ to him/her, he/she usually feels inferior and blames a third party. It is a role that reveals a certain degree of immaturity and even hidden enjoyment. They tend to rejoice in modesty, have a passive attitude and feel powerless. In a way, the victim takes over the emotional world by continually complaining and lamenting and making manipulative use of others.

The Savior

Undoubtedly a role that promotes interesting values, but not really in pursuit of ‘the other’ but to impose themselves. They stop living their own life to live the life of the other, they go to the rescue of others without being asked for help and therefore often generate resentment. The rescuer tends to expect gratitude for his or her saving work and may sometimes show a certain ‘arrogant’ attitude because of his or her solution-oriented actions. One of the most negative characteristics is that they cannot bear what is going to happen to the other, thus underestimating the third party's own ability to solve their own problems.

The persecutor

This is a person who has somehow been instilled with a certain fear. The persecutor feels that the world is a dangerous place and needs to be in permanent control. His joy is precisely to gain and exercise that control. The persecutor reflects a certain underlying insecurity that sometimes ends up humiliating the other because he feels that he is always right and, therefore, unable to reconcile.

Through the control he tries to exert, he values himself and moves away from fear.

Now, dear reader, my question is: What hook are we talking to enter the drama? What spring are we triggering that makes us want to defend ourselves, to accuse or to victimize ourselves? How and why do we choose to enter a certain role?

For here begins the delicate art of ‘not doing.’ Self-knowledge at its best: what do I observe, what do I feel, what does my body register, what do I say to myself, what do I say to myself?

To answer these questions, we must pause and invite ourselves to let go, to let be, to accept and understand ourselves.

We need to pause, to breathe, to connect with our own vulnerability, to reposition ourselves in time and circumstance, cultivating a role of neutral and equanimous observer. Accepting our lights and shadows, forgiving ourselves for those repeated triangles we keep entering so often, so that we can decide not to enter them next time.

Some ideas for abandoning these roles.

Abandon the role of victim.

? Giving up the reward of being a victim.

? Act despite fear

? Connect with one's strengths.

? Stop living in the past.

? Move out of manipulation through triggering blaming.

Abandon the role of savior.

? Stop acting so that people depend on me.

? Foster autonomy

? Connect with one's own needs.

? Stop constantly visiting the other's life and inhabit one's own life.

? Check if I have really been asked for help.

? Reflect, avoid anticipating, ask myself if I really have the resources to go and ‘save’ the other person.

? Being content with what others decide for themselves.

Abandon the role of persecutor.

? Questioning if I must always be right.

? Reflecting on the need to plan everything.

? Learning to let go of control.

? Treating others as we want to be treated.

? Shift from control to collaboration

? Putting teamwork into practice.

? Begin to consider relative versus absolute terms.

In the end, nobody ‘does’ things to us, to be an adult is to understand that we do things to ourselves, to take responsibility for our thoughts and actions and to work on mastering our emotional expressions. In the end, everything is a mystery and the acceptance of this is the beginning of the road to tolerance.

?It will be a matter of digging deep inside so that our next interaction will be on the path of virtuosity and thus arrive at the desired balanced triangle.

And to remember, always, that forgiveness is a wonderful tool that allows us the magnificent act of letting go, of letting go of the vicious circle to learn from each other and from our own downfalls, because, what is outside is inside. And it shows.

By Mercedes Lagos Coach. Job Coaching Conversations and Mentoring. Mindfulness Facilitator.

?