Just as you are...you are enough

We can never truly feel a sense of belonging if we are constantly betraying ourselves.

I betrayed myself for years and years, not knowing that’s what I was doing. Many therapists shared the phrase, "self-sabotage" with me but I didn't put two and two together to think that was the same thing as betrayal.

I acutely remember what that pain felt like, not feeling like I had a home anywhere, not feeling like I belonged anywhere, not feeling like I "fit" into society. I didn't realize that I had a huge part in feeling like a victem, and feeling lost. The lonliness was huge - I masked for many years with substances, relationships, faux intimacy, substances, abusive relationships, healthier relationships... until one day I finally understood, (with therapy and other support methods), that I was enough. And that I was worthy of loving myself. And I was worthy of being loved.

And then the next part of my journey began... I was in my mid-thirties. But to be really clear, had I never known what self sabotage felt like, I wouldn't be me today. I don't regret a minute of it. Of course I wished it didn't come at such expense of the enormous pain, but that was part of my journey.

This is why I do what I do, this is why I spend my time and all of my energy creating and co-cultivating space for people to feel safe, and a real part of the culture, for people to belong, to spread kindness and compassion, to help those that don't feel like they are worthy, to see the evidence that they are! Just as they are. I want to constantly turn towards tenderness, candor, towards safety.

So how do we as People Leaders and "HR" show up? Some ask: Is this the work of The People and HR team? Isn't this coddling people? You might say, "Claude, we have not trained as therapists. And emotions have no place in the workspace today."

That's one way to look at it and dim the light on what's possible. Sure.

However, then I have to ask: what are we as a group of Leaders and practitioners in the people space running from?

Why are we here? What is the real work? And what or who are we waiting for?

For sure, emotions used to be the scourge of the business world, but now we are talking about psychological safety in the same breath that we talk about someone's performance.

We are the back office, we are not in the spotlight, and our teams constantly feel beat up and bruised. So there is already a sense of betrayal. And in this space of feeling victimized by the org, and waiting for someone else to save the day, we sabotage ourselves. Period.

It's time to direct our attention to ourselves, in order to truly figure out if we are here to do the hard work, both on self, others, and company. It's time to stop betraying ourselves first and foremost.

The "problems" are not going to leave - humans are messy, wonderfully messy. We go from one extreme to the other, playing ping pong all day with our emotions, opinions and vibe. This has to be expected, not shunned.

It's time to show up, get real about why we are in this space, and take the risk to bloom into the vulnerable strong magnificent leaders that we are.

Together, with our shared experiences, and vulnerabilities, compassion, empathy and strengths are about to turn this paradigm upside down.?