Just what I needed

January. Meh.?

This post was going to be about writing January off and starting the year on 1st Feb instead. Health kick, exercise, fresh approaches to work and life. None of them quite happened in the way I’d hoped last month. I didn’t even write this newsletter, which surprised me as it’s been such a consistent part of my life for the past two and a half years.?

But instead of trying again in February and expecting a different result, I’ve decided to be grateful for what is. January was exactly what it needed to be for me:

??I fell over on my first run of the year and I haven’t been able to run since then - ah well, I’ve rested instead

??I haven’t written much of substance on LinkedIn - ah well, I’ve been reading and thinking instead

??I’m still going to bed way too late - ah well, it’s been nice to get into a few new Netflix series

Accepting what is, taking responsibility for it and deciding to see everything that happens as ‘for me’’ isn’t always easy. We fall into blame and judgement, of ourselves and others. Just listen out for all those ‘shoulds’ doing the rounds so far this year (“I should have started my diet” “You should have supported me”). Now consider how liberating it would be to shift out of that mode and into one where you see what comes as just right for you right now. This isn’t about toxic positivity or ‘seeing the good in everything’. Things can still be hard and unpleasant - I really hurt myself when I fell and I’d have preferred it if it didn’t happen - but if I can stop resenting it (or myself) I can move on more quickly.?

In coaching we often talk about re-framing things or shifting our perspective. And while I think we need to be careful of just putting a positive spin on things, that opportunity to get something out on the table and look at it from different angles really does seem to help us make sense of what we’re experiencing, thinking and feeling. Then we have the chance to see it all as for me and we can decide what we want to do with it. It’s not always tidy and immediate, sometimes the insight unfurls some time after the conversation, but it does come eventually.?

I feel like this about some of the toughest experiences I have in my career. Jobs that eroded my confidence, bad bosses who drove me to distraction or despair, failures that threatened to crush my reputation. Now I look back at them all and accept them as precisely what I needed to get to where and who I am today. And not just because they built resilience (or make for great blog topics). Obviously I wish some of them hadn’t been quite so grim. And I’m not saying it’s all fate and you should just let life wash over you. I believe we have agency in the choices we make about our work and our lives, but when it feels like the you-know-what is hitting the fan, if I can just take a small side step out of fear and judgement and into curiosity about how this serves me, I’m probably going to better at dealing with it.??

So here are a few questions to help with that:

??What responsibility can I take for this situation?

??What stories am I telling myself and how could I be wrong?

??What do I see when I take not just one, but two steps back???

??In ten years what might I think and feel when I look back on this??

??How might this be a gift??

If you found this useful, you might like to read more on my reflections on work and life here. Or get in touch if you’d like to explore whether coaching could help you make sense of things.?

Further reading on this? Try the 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership.