*Just in Time for the Holidays*: Tips on Managing Conflict

Conflict is like change – it’s constant. With the holidays in full swing, you are bound to face conflict in the coming weeks. But how can you best address it? Continue reading…

Conflict, and the stress that comes along with it, can be a key contributor to health problems, e.g., sleep issues, excessive eating, and can even increase the likelihood of a heart attack. And, stress is often associated with the holiday season. The good news is this: You can at least effectively manage the stress that derives from conflict by understanding the following…

There are four primary types of conflict. These include Relationship Conflict, Task Conflict, Process Conflict, and Status Conflict. While we see all four types of conflict in places of work, we typically see Relationship and Process Conflict in the home, which is what we will focus on today since you’re about to see relatives and might be responsible for this year’s cooking.

Relational conflict revolves around personal issues. It’s a feeling we know too well — a clash of personality, so to speak. These relationship-related forms of conflict consist of communication cues such as avoiding eye contact, using condescending tones during discussions, or sudden outbursts of anger / a rise in voice to one another.

When we manage this form of conflict well, we will learn more about ourselves and others. With the ability to not engage in these emotionally-charged behaviors, you can actually gain insight: If someone is reactive, what type of communication may you need to use with them in the future? If you're being difficult (let's face it, we know when we are) you should think about why. There’s a concept called “regulatory fit.” This simply means that we are more likely to put effort into the things we like doing. If you do not enjoy interacting with someone, you likely do not put effort into it, and this can lead to contempt. Thus, your knowledge of this should help you soften your edges.

And then there’s Process conflict. You’ll see this one this season as well — this refers to how something gets done, how quickly, and even who gets consulted in the process... Think: “That’s not how you wrap the presents, Sally.” or “You didn’t ask my mom for her opinion on the recipe?!” (At work, this can manifest itself through a disagreement in how you should implement policies, how quickly something should be rolled out, or who should be consulted.?These are all relevant to the “how.”)

The variance in how we do something can actually be enlightening. It brings about hidden solutions. On many occasions I had team members share how they completed something, or how they reached an outcome. I not only was pleased they found a new method, but they taught me something in the process. While the in-laws' way of doing things may seem somewhat abstract, keep an open mind. Not sweating over the small stuff will ease conflict and your blood pressure.

First posted on my website.