Just say NO!

As professionals, we're often faced with difficult decisions. Do we stay late at work again? Is it worth pitching this new idea to the boss??But by far, the most common dilemma we face is whether or not to say "yes" to something we really don't want to do. It's tough turning down opportunities, but sometimes you must put your own needs first. Knowing how and when to say "no" can be a lifesaver (both professionally and personally). So let's make "no" a complete sentence. We can do this!

Just sorting through saying “No” costs us a lot of energy. Some days, I wish we could be like the toddler who says no without hesitation. It is so effortless for them. But here we are, saying yes to things we feel in our bodies is going to exhaust us. What if we could reframe our “No” to saying “Yes”. To get a little more comfortable, let’s start with our non-negotiables.

Non-negotiables are our set of values and policies that create boundaries for what we will and will not do. Some are simple, if you were boarding your commercial flight and the flight attendant asked you to take over for the pilot, you’d probably say “No” without much hesitation.

Others are more difficult like taking on a project within our skillset, but outside of our area of responsibility. Or even worse, accepting a task on Friday, that is due by Monday, cutting into our recovery time.

What if your “Yes” and “No” policy was well defined like the policies we create to keep employees safe? After all, you are an employee too!

How do you create a policy?

Start with what you will do. Start big, then get detailed.

Anniversary? I will take the evening off. Kid’s Birthday? I will choose to be there to celebrate. Graduations? I will be present. Lunch? I will eat (BTW, the number of lunch meetings is out of hand).

This sets you up for the next step. Write out what you will not do. What you will not do is a direct violation of your policies. They are transgressions to your boundaries.

I will not miss milestones/life events. I will not skip dinner. I will not check emails after 8pm. I will not compromise my professional integrity or make unethical decisions.

There are always gray areas. What if you get to present at a conference but it falls on your anniversary? The opportunity to advance your career and honor your relationship(s) often show up. Before making decisions, come up with your “Could” list.

This falls in the policy as what you could do with additional resources.

I could present at this conference if my family could join me for a mini vacation. I could work late two days out of the week if I leave early on Friday to have lunch with my spouse. I could take on that project Friday if I can take Monday off for recovery.

The beauty is that when you have your written policy of

·??????what you will do,

·??????what will not do, and

·??????what you could do

communication becomes easier. You are simply referring to a policy. Much like the regulatory requirements we reference so often.

But what about the guilt? You know, that uneasy feeling you get telling someone no. Well, let’s think of a time you really wanted to work with someone but the regulatory requirement said “no” even if it was inconsequential. Like labeling a secondary container that will not be in their direct possession for a short period time. You would tell them they needed a secondary label because that’s the policy. You feel secure in that response because of your ethical obligation to their safety and following the rules.

It's the same for you. In fact, you are actually saying yes to your policy, and as a result, they are receiving a “no”. That’s how reframing works. Someone is constantly being told no. If you say yes to something you don’t want to do, you are actually saying no to yourself.

It can be tough to say no, but with a few tweaks to the way you think about it, you can turn your no into a powerful tool for setting and respecting your boundaries. With policies in place to guide your decisions, saying no becomes much easier – and guilt-free. So go ahead and start practicing those reframed no’s – they may just lead to a more empowered and balanced life. How have you been able to successfully say no in your own life?