Just Rub a Little Dirt on It

Phhhhhhhh…uuuuuuuuuuu.ck.

Before I am publicly flogged for using what could be considered profanity on a professional platform, let me first explain why I would ever start a blog post with an uncivil expletive.? It is because my intended audience is fellow tradesmen, and often yelling FFFFFFuuuuuuuuu** is the best way to get our attention.? Not because we are crude people, but because typically - this is the ritualistic call to our people that we:

A.)? Just messed something up royally.? Like a big job, with weeks of man hours on it

B.) Just crashed a machine or an expensive tool (or both)

C.) Forgot that we left the Bridgeport in neutral to start a tap, then threw in a tool and bucked up the spindle - squealing the belt and knowing the call of 'rookie' in on its way from our colleagues

D.) Just painstakingly set up a complicated job, only to find that we need to tear down this jig to run an even hotter job.

E.) Smashed something, burnt something, cut something, tore something or got something stuck (any of which could be a tool or a body part)

F.) Just drank out of a cup of an unknown fluid (coolant concentrate, most likely) because we were in a hurry to check on one of the machines and we mistook it for our water cup because we threw it on the bench next to our hydrating glass.

G.) We are in mortal peril, like stuck in spindle or on the brink of being un-alived

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Generally, most of us will admit to having cussed over the majority of this list - or at least A-E.? For F - you usually only do this once or twice before you learn that there is a reason why you never store chemicals in the same kind of glass as you drink out of (like a solo cup). In case you are wondering - I am guilty of this (as embarrassing as it is to admit).? And….I would like to add that epoxy hardener looks a lot like water, but is not nearly as refreshing.? Zero stars.? Would not recommend for consumption.

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As for the final item G, we all hope that we never have to utilize our powers of profanity to shout this most ultimate of f****s.

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Fortunately, with the advancement of machine safety guards/devices and the sheer fact that most of us have been safety trained within inches of our lives - only a minority of us know what it is like to be stuck in a machine. (Thank FREAKING goodness.)? And yet - very few of us will also acknowledge that we have been living in a constant state of 'G' without necessarily being trapped in a machine that is at risk of killing us in a very graphic Faces-of-Death type way.

That is because whether we brushed our knuckles across that brand new 3 flute, hi-helix, bright polished beauty of a finishing endmill that we set up in the spindle - or if we are just feeling a bit overwhelmed/distracted (with workload, personal life, or the state of the world in general) - the automatic remedy is to just rub some dirt on it and keep going.? We have been doing it most of our lives - sh** happens - but the job must go on.? There is no time to stop for bleeding knuckles, slivers or depression….because the paycheck is the goal.? The job deadline is the goal. The promotion is the goal.? The bonus is the goal.? Our pride is the goal. We are tough. We are gritty.? We have wrapped broken bones with horse wrap or sealed gaping bloody gashes with a (mostly clean) shop rag and electrical tape. We have settled our anxiety, disappointment or depression by throwing back a few beers (or scotch if you prefer) with our buddies at the tavern after our shift.? We are ingenious with our methods of patching up even the most grim condition.?? We are the masters of walk-it-off. And the words burn-out, anxiety and depression are for those woke wussies that preach things like work/life balance. We don’t need a 'safe space'.? We are just fine, thanks.

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Except we are not all just fine. And this is where I may lose a few of you. While I will not say the word (mental health) because it is a repellent to our brand and image - I am just going to yell Ffffffffuuuuu…. And see how many stop working long enough to see whether this rallying cry of profanity is worthy of your attention.

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And before you roll your eyes and say 'I do not need some weak and sensitive wench talking to me about feelings and stuff' - I would like to state for the record that I have 'put dirt' on things that many of you could only imagine.? I don't really care about losing my 'toughness-street-cred' - goodness knows I have earned it.? I have worked with broken fingers/toes, gaping gashes, hernias (3 of 'em, so far) and a pelvic organ prolapse from heavy lifting that resulted in the loss of my uterus by age 26.? So….I think I feel secure enough to state that I have definitely earned my spot in the ranks of tuff-n-stubborn. (And for those who are squeamish, I promise that this is the last time that I will use the word uterus in this post.)? But…to be fair…I betcha that I got at least the attention of a few folks here, if not just for the 'ewwwww factor' alone. And, I bet at least a handful of you are now googling pelvic organ prolapse to find out if this is even medically possible. (It is…trust me.? I swear it on? my tenths-graduated Interapid indicator and a pile of The Machinery's Handbook - it is possible.)

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OK….lady bits and shop injuries aside - I would like to tell you why the heck I have a photo of me doing a Stuart Smalley while sporting a face that looks like I am auditioning as a stand-in for Sylvester in Rocky 10 - The Musical.? It starts with how, just a few years ago, I was barely treading water both physically and mentally.

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The complication is that - despite how tough we are….most of us are made out of the same stuff.? Flesh that tears, backs with discs that bulge, bones that break, and a mind that is always working overtime.? I have spent most of my career reaching for that brass-ring.? Knowing that if I just reach a little further.? If I write a few more stellar white papers.? If I?master another software program.? If I?build one more pristine mold. I sell one more lab full of machine tools.? If I?earn one more certification (even the most prestigious of them all - certified forklift operator).?? My big break is just around the corner.?

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I just needed to keep working….and throwing dirt on the things that hurt or need attention because I do not have time to stop.? There is money to make, and I have to work a LOT harder because the money just doesn't make it as far as it used to.? I have bills to pay - family that I will eventually see once the bills stop coming and I can take a little breather. My average sleep cycle was about 3-4 hours a night - and I kept my laptop next to my bed so I could answer emails or zoom messages in the wee hours of the night.?? And I just kept taking on work because eventually It would earn me the break that I need that would allow me to recover and recharge.

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I was stuck in this continuous loop for years - until my body….and eventually my mind, just simply revolted. It went on strike.? It was exhausted, over-caffeinated, and grasping in despair for the reward that hard work is promised to deliver - yet it always seemed to get lost in transit.? My autoimmune system started an all-out cage match with my joints, connective tissues, bones and my brain.? My rheumatologist (who is seriously the hardest working woman I know) worked hard to help keep the flare ups to a minimum, but my stubborn ass didn't make it easy because stress (which has a knack for tickling our primal fight-or-flight response) is a prime aggravator - and my switch could not turn off because I was too close to the dangled carrot to stop just short of the finish line.

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It can be extremely frustrating to watch stuff fall apart and break - especially when it is your own body.? Add in inflation. Add in rising health care costs. Global supply issues.? Working the grind. Politics. Depressing news of crime, war and the dropping stock market (where our retirement fund and promise of respite lies).? F-it.? Let's just say that all of our hazardous refuse drums are full to the lip and spilling beyond the capacity of a few pig mats.

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I was at my absolute worst a little over a year ago.? I knew it was at the end of my thread once the depression started sinking in.? And it was dark.? Very dark. (Please refer to item G - to the point where I was at risk of un-aliving myself.)? Yet, I showed up to work every day - pasting that trademark Jenny smile on whenever possible.? I would frequently disassociate so that I could just get through another day.? And another.? I knew I needed help, but with the astronomical rise in the cost of mental health care - especially for those of us who make standard salaries - it was easier just to accept the fact that I needed to work a bit harder on pulling myself up by my bootstraps and get over it.

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Unfortunately, most of us know that every material has a yield point. Over a year ago, I found myself falling apart during a one-on-one project meeting with my colleague - Becky Zingler . (Who by the way - is way more than a rock star, friend and colleague….she is SERIOUSLY the strongest woman I have ever known and... she saved my life despite hers being turned upside down at the time).?? She called to check in with me at the end of the day, and we just talked.? About everything.? We tried decoding the health insurance requirements to obtain reasonable mental healthcare - as she was also struggling? in finding affordable and accessible mental health care for her son, Owen.? She eventually needed to reach out to the county for some assistance in getting Owen the help that he needed at the time as our standard healthcare did not provide much outside of a hotline and virtual therapy sessions.?? We started checking in with each other on a regular basis - because it felt good to have someone to talk to about the 'icky bits' without worrying about feeling judged or getting my tough girl card revoked.

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Unfortunately, Owen lost his battle almost a year ago (December 2022).? Just days after Christmas.? Becky called me that day….and the floor of the world just seemed to drop out from under me.? Owen was 18.?? He loved fishing, playing with the family dogs…..and he had the entire world in front of him. And he was gone.? And people will say - if only he had asked for help.? But he did….and he was surrounded by an amazing group of family and friends that were trying to help him.? But there are some wounds that run too deep for a shop rag and some electrical tape - sometimes there is just simply not enough mud.

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Becky and I continued to do daily check-ins, even if it was just a text or a quick zoom message.? When things were exceptionally dark for either of us - we would plan to meet up for a video chat at the end of the day.? I built Owen's urn in my home shop. Becky started attending NAMI meetings and working with community outreach groups while I tried to focus on work that would get me into my flow and away from my looming depression.?

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But I could continue to feel my bootstraps breaking, and unfortunately, the reality is that there are very few simple and affordable options for manyof us.? Smaller companies are not required to offer FMLA - and more often than not - most of us cannot afford to take the reduced salary anyways.? And sabbaticals are not a option for most of us outside executive level careers - so I had to weigh whether I had enough mud to keep going or if I needed to cut away from the current work culture and grind in order to heal.? Hanging on by a thread, I made the decision in August to leave my much loved job of 7.5 years to start a new venture - Wrench Wench Worx.

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And the world of entrepreneurship has been an adventure with a definite learning curve.? I still do daily check-ins with my rockstar friend - Becky.? We started texting gratitude/goals/good at lists each morning to keep each other grounded.? As I typically like to work with either music or a podcast in the shop as I work, she started recommending different podcasts that I may want to add to my playlist.? One day she sent me this link to some podcast called the Mel Robbins podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@melrobbins

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As I hit play on the video link she sent me, I was prepared for the raspy voice of a 'visionary' who was going to give me some cliché advice and mantras - concluding with a 10 minute breathing exercise to the chorus of soothing didgeridoos and singing bowls. That is not what I got.? In fact, I got some lady who is basically telling me that all I need to do is give myself a high five in the mirror each morning, and my life would drastically change.? The first few days, I was resolved that I was NOT going to become a character in an old SNL sketch because I didn't want to look silly.? But then again….I am in the bathroom.? Alone.? Who would know how silly I look or feel if I just do it out of curiosity.? It takes about two seconds and if anything - it would be good for a laugh.? And the first few days, I giggled uncontrollably at the middle aged woman in front of the mirror who was making faces and pretending to high five at glass breaking velocity.? But….it was a GENUINE fit of laughter, so I carried on each day - if anything, just because it felt good to laugh at myself.

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In the meantime, I was getting the hang of video editing (using Tik-Tok because it doesn't require any fancy software to pull together machining footage - and I would not be required to speak to my camera as they have a plethora of musical clips.)??? I had taken some footage of Owen's urn build so that Becky may be able to utilize it for community outreach and mental health awareness efforts.?? We posted the video, and I also shared it on Linked In - figuring that if it could at least help one person who was struggling - it was well worth it.? I ended up getting a magnitude of messages in my inbox from people - MANY from industry - who stated that they were also struggling and it was nice to have someone to reach out to in confidence and without judgement.? I started to reconnect again with the world because I felt as though I may be able to help a few other folks - and in turn, hopefully feel better myself.?? And it was definitely helping as I could start to feel a little bit of my old self creeping back into my veins.? The funny thing about listening to someone who is going through the same thing as you are….is that it reduces that feeling of isolation for you both.? From the messages I was receiving and the conversations that I have been having with fellow machinists/tradesmen - I soon realized that I was FAR from alone. Most of us are just suffering in silence…out of habit, societal expectations or fear.

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Fast forward to last week, where I find myself tangled up in the lead of a stubborn, sweet and very strong 80 pound pit-bull mix which resulted in a pretty gory face plant into my concrete steps.? The first few days, I just 'rubbed some dirt on it' and kept working. Until day three - which was also my scheduled preventative maintenance day for my equipment.? Swollen beyond recognition with two very black shiners and a heck of a headache, I padded my way down to the shop to start applying grease to the zerks on the linear ways of one of the routers.? And I almost crumpled when a wave of exhaustion and vertigo hit me as I bent over.? I tried to muscle through it…but pulled the plug when reality sunk in…..my body needed rest.? No matter how badly I wanted to keep the machines running - I was in no state to be running? industrial equipment.?

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I made it to the upstairs sofa, laptop clutched firmly under my arm because I was determined to at least make it through a few CAM programs for the next few jobs. Flopping onto the sofa and cuddling up under a heated blanket - I started logging into my computer, only to be thwarted by 160 pounds of shop dog (Diesel & Clutch combined), each vying for the spot on my lap that contained my link to continued efficiency.? Being completely sapped of energy, I gave in…folding up the computer and drifting off to sleep - unable to move as a sleeping shop dog has the same density as lead ... .and I had double that spread across my weary frame.

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I woke the next morning, sore but much more refreshed.? And very, very clear headed. A stark reality had surfaced and while it may seem obvious to many others - I was too close to the situation to see it.? I cared more about the condition and maintenance of my machine tools that I did for my own body and mind.? I viewed them as a valuable asset - and would never run them without way lube or without checking the condition of their vital components regularly.? Yet my inner critic was working overtime, berating me for wasting a day on rest when there was so much to get done.? Yet, the other machines do not work if I am broken down, so I wrote myself a note on the shop status board that the main Jenny machine was broken down, but not irreparable. Additional maintenance required this week.? And I carved out some time to do just that…focus on getting my primary machine running again.? I worked on a few passion projects.? Cuddled with the shop dogs when I needed a bit of rest. I journaled and meditated. And I was starting to feel better each day. I was laughing and dancing again, and I started to find that my work was bringing me joy and zen-like flow again. And, my scrawled assessment was correct - I was not irreparable, I just needed a little additional maintenance due to the non-stop production hours I had been holding it to for years.?

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I started to think about ways to keep my energy tank full, and realized that Mel's little 'high five ritual' in the mirror always gave me a little lift when I was feeling overwhelmed.? (And again - for those who think I am falling off the deep end - I dare you to at least try it. No one needs to know….it will be our little secret.? Link below for those who are curious or at the point that they want to try a new tact to regain their mojo.)

By the way, I am in no way affiliated or sponsored by this podcast. I just really found it to be an extremely useful tool for my mental arsenal.

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?Take Complete CONTROL of Your Life by Using the High 5 HABIT! | Mel Robbins

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I tend to track and schedule jobs and maintenance on my white board to help keep me on track during the day.? Some days get pretty hectic as a one-woman shop - where more often than not, I find my internal critic berating me for making human mistakes or for having limitations to my bandwidth (as a human). When things are running great, I tend to just keep running without giving myself props.? But when things blow up, I find myself doing what so many of us tend to do - calling myself a dumbass and spending way too much time replaying the mistake in my mind throughout the day.? And anyone who watches the NFL knows that once a kicker gets in their own head, they are well on their way to a string of missed attempts in the uprights.? Precision work requires concentration and focus - and spending your day in a negative headspace is a guaranteed ticket to scrapped parts, damaged tools or greater risk of personal injury.? A lot of Ffffffffuuuuuuu….moments (see items A-G).?

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This week, I built myself (and Becky) new mirrors - that we can hang in our workspaces when we need a little boost.? But I added my own twist on it to try to circumvent the daily challenge of battling the negative narrative in our heads when things do not go as planned. Armed with a sharpie in the morning,? I write a positive attribute, a goal or a gratitude on my board, so when I am in need of a high five, I can turn those 'I am a dumbass' moments into positives like -? I am unstoppable,? I am going to complete this run of flanges today, or I am grateful for the comfort of a heated shop.? I can't explain it, but it has been helping….in a eerily effective way.? So I am embracing it - and I am tough enough to not care what anyone else thinks of me because for the first time in years, I feel balanced, happy and in full control of my mindset again. And I figure that if sharing all of this (despite the cringey embarrassment of doing it publicly) can help keep at least one other person out of mortal peril range…..it is most certainly worth it.

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We all need to cut ourselves some slack.? Get mental health care (if you can afford it), but? if you are stuck and unable to get formal help at the moment - know you are not alone and there may be some tools or strategies to help you bounce back.? And seriously - cut yourself a break. Talk to a buddy in the shop that you trust - chances are pretty good that you may find they can relate - we are all in this state of overload together.? You are not broken - you just need a bit of maintenance.? Most of us are not only working at our trade, but we are required to keep up with clients, emails, phone calls, team/zoom meetings, product revisions, material/tooling orders, job/time quotes, meetings (way too many meetings), forced team building sessions, analytic tracking, efficiency tracking, spreadsheets, PowerPoint decks, applications engineering, fixturing design, feed/speeds calculations, advanced trig equations, Quality control, SOP generation, ERP implementation, piles of job riders, status updates for leadership, build schedules, customer demos, webinar training, professional development certifications, tooling calibrations, machine preventative maintenance and troubleshooting…..I could go on - but there is no need.? It is NOT your fault if you are feeling overwhelmed.? It is not a sign of weakness to know when you have reached capacity and need to recalibrate or reprogram.? Spindles have chip load meters for a reason - and running in the red can be hell on your bearings and motor.

You are one person. And while many of us like to imagine that we do not have limits - there are still only 24 hours in a day - and you are kicking ass. High five that brilliant son-of-a-bitch in the mirror in front of you - and give them the props that they deserve.? Much love and support to you all.? -- Jenny :)