Just Living - A Case Study in an Unorthodox Life

A recent article online about how the COVID-19pandemic had created a paradigm shift in the way people lived and worked inspired me to consider sharing what, for the most part, has been an unorthodox existence. Apparently, working from home had created new, previously unknown experiences for a range of people across the planet. The joys of not commuting, having the family around - kids, pets -?and having more time to spend enjoying the company of said family. Whilst not a linear relationship, I wondered, as I read, why it took a pandemic for people to realise that there are alternative, more amenable, enjoyable modes of existence. That life is about decisions and choices made that guide our individual existence and experiences. But then I reflected on my own background, upbringing and life history to realise that sometimes it takes time, experiences and making conscious (maybe semi-conscious) decisions to end up with a different outcome.?

Before I delve into my own reflection on what I consider a life well lived, I must insert the caveat that I am a white male who grew up in a wealthy country. I was well supported by a loving family, especially my mother who encouraged us, myself and my two sisters, to find, forge our own path. I realise that the types of opportunities discussed here are not available to everyone, but in a country like Australia, where social services and support systems are pretty good, I feel like there are many opportunities to break free from systemic, social contracts and expectations. Despite this supportive system, it took me a while to find my feet and passion for life.??

Fighting depression

Depression played a big part in my youth. From the age of about 15 - 21yrs I struggled to exist within society, failing to have a clear understanding, or rather, belief in, the expected cultural norms that dominated the way people lived their lives, and the way people, I, was expected to live my life. I realised early that school was pretty easy - you go to school, get fed information, go home, study a little, return, regurgitate information learned, get fed more information and the cycle repeats. I was consciously aware that six hours a day at school with a 3pm finish was infinitely more desirable, managable than the work life of my parents and the adults I observed around me. Furthermore, I couldn't understand why someone would spend 8 hours a day, 40 hours per week working to make money just to have at one’s disposal to then be able to enjoy yourself in your leisure time. 40 daylight hours a week seemed like an inordinate amount of time spent tied up doing something that was potentially not enjoyable and simply a means to an end, dominated by economic concerns. It seemed crazy, and just made no sense.?

It was the 1980’s and the concept of mental health was reserved for people with serious sounding ailments like schizophrenia or manic depression. It never occurred to people in the 80’s that the average person, struggling to cope with the day to day challenges of life was actually having mental health issues. It just wasn’t a thing. As a teenager, unable to see an alternative future, I coped by keeping myself extremely busy with university, part time work and sport. Being busy reduced the available time I had to think about how depressing the cycle of life was to me and what I saw as the pointlessness of it all. I accepted the social contract of study, work, accumulate assets, family, exist, repeat, was the only path through life. Alternatives remained invisible, hidden by the facade of everyday life.?

Alternative Futures??

Understanding the availability of alternative futures was something that transformed my life to where it is today. At 21, I travelled overseas, mostly to south east Asia and saw lands and cultures that challenged my understanding of the world. People lived what appeared to be simpler lives and I understood that the life I had been led to believe was challenged. The cascade began to crack. I grew up believing that you went to school, university, accumulated assets, met a life partner, got married and accumulated more assets to eventually end up with the perfect life. At the age of about 14 or 15 I wondered to what end this quest for stuff, things, stability, was??

I was no good at maths or science, so I focused on humanities subjects but somehow, prior to heading overseas, I ended up completing an accounting degree (go figure)! Upon return from my relatively short six months overseas, my acquiescence to the cultural norms of society kicked in and I was fortunate enough to find a job at a small accounting practice in the suburbs of Melbourne. It was my first, real, professional job. It was pretty exciting for the whole eight months that it lasted, but questions of purpose dominated my daily psyche. Is this it? I projected my future existence and wondered, ‘if I end up with the corner office doing strategic management accounting, counting money for people with money, all just to make some money for myself, is that really going to satisfy me, complete me, make a difference? I took all of around 0.3 seconds to realise that this life probably wasn’t for me.?

My thirst of an alternative existence through travel inspired me to explore a different path than prescribed by society. I was enticed by a job opportunity with a company called Intrepid Travel that employed people to guide visitors around exotic destinations in south east Asia. I applied, thinking that any change would take time to evolve, maybe 6 - 12 months, and I could use this time to consider my best course of action. Life wasn’t about to confer on me consideration time and within six weeks I was in Indonesia sharing the experience of travel & life with people from Indonesia,?Belgium, Denmark, America and Canada. Working as a tour leader on & off for around 10 years I travelled and worked in almost every country between Indonesia and India. Trips consisted of a maximum of 12 guests who would join me for one, two or three weeks travelling from Beijing, Bangkok or New Delhi, to Hong Kong, Singapore or Mumbai to experience a different culture, take a break from work or escape their routineised lives.??

Does it feel like you are working all the time, or on holidays all the time?

Life as a tour leader may not be a career of longevity, but I enjoyed it immensely, made a little money and got to see places, meet people and do amazing things that I never imagined were possible. I recall a passenger on one of my trips asking me once, “working as a tour leader, does it feel like you are working all the time, or on holidays all the time?”. It was an interesting question. To an outsider, getting paid to travel and experience the world seemed pretty ideal. Being a tour leader was amazing, hard work and, as the leader, you had to always be ‘on’, available to solve problems, ‘put out fires’ or manage day to day interactions between people. It was pretty intense and not for everyone, but I loved it.?

Just Living?

So coming back to the question, without much reflection I replied “living, it feels like I am just living?’. It was a stark, clear reminder that life is to be lived, not to be compartmentalised and delineated between specific activities, some of which you enjoyed and others, well, were simply a chore. I understand that life cannot always be fun and full of excitement, but that didn’t mean I wouldn't strive for just such an existence. As the famous Portuguese author Paulo Coelho succinctly described in is famous book The Alchemist, everyone must do their time in “the crystal shop”.?

In the mid 1990’s I met my beautiful wife, Tracey who shared my vision for an interesting life and in the early 2000’s we were blessed with a son, Kailash and not too long later a daughter, Satya. One would have thought that this development would require a rethink of our collective existence and how that would now look given the new dynamics. Obviously, according to social convention, we would need to ‘settle down’ and our intrepid ways would become a thing of the past. To some extent this is what happened, but we settled for a few years in a small Himalayan town in the Indian Himalaya, where our son Kailash was born, and then for almost ten years on a small island in the Gulf of Thailand.?

The Journey is Part of the Destination

The novel, interesting and exciting thing about our life journey is that decisions to live in these places were neither conscious or calculated. We put our faith in the world and let life guide us. We were working for Intrepid Travel, travelling endlessly but rarely together, so Tracey and I decided to start our own niche business trekking and mountaineering in the Indian Himalaya. The motto for our business was ‘The Journey is Part of the Destination’ and we were determined to live this ethos. The cold of the Himalayan winters led us to hang out with a friend in Thailand, with whom I learned to scuba dive and became a diving instructor.?

During these times we earned enough money to get by, working in the field of tourism - mountain guiding and scuba diving that provided us with an existence that was interesting, exciting and fun. There was no such thing as Monday - Friday and as a family we experienced life together. Tracey and Kailash joined expeditions in the Himalayas, experiencing the magic of the mountains and sometimes their wrath. In Thailand, Tracey, Kailash and Satya boarded the dive boat on regular occasions, joining the hoardes of tourists visiting dive sites, speaking with people from all over the world and swimming on amazing coral reefs in warm tropical waters.?

In all of these examples, life was work was travel was life. We lived in places where town was a short walk, ride or drive away. Commuting was something, again, I never desired and would never compromise with again. The same question as decades ago, why would you spend one or two hours a day travelling somewhere to work. Live closer, change jobs or work from home. These are choices that I make to ensure I don’t compromise those values. Current changes in the social fabric are reminding more and more people that these scenarios represent feasible alternatives. Much of my work these days involves me travelling, which yes, takes me away from my family. But as this has been a feature of our lives for over 20 years, it is a common occurrence that we accept and enjoy, and to some extent enriches the times we are together.?

As parents, the life we have given our kids, who grew up scuba diving, snorkelling and experiencing a different life than many living in inner city Melbourne where I grew up, feels unique and special. For me, I would see them in the morning, and because the ‘office’ (read “dive centre”) was five minutes away with a pool and located by the beach, I would likely see the kids two or three times a day. They would meet me for lunch at a local cafe (because it was only 5 mins away!), join me on the dive boat in the afternoons, or be waiting when the boat returned to shore at 5pm. As Kailash grew older he would come into the dive centre classroom and, as a 6 or 7 year old, explain how to use recreational scuba dive tables to hungover teenagers fresh off the boat from zero sleep having attended the most recent interaction of Koh Phangan’s infamous monthly Full Moon Party. Life was work was life was leisure.There was no delineation.?

Do What You Love…

Do something you love and you’ll kinda work all the time

There’s a saying attributable to Marc Anthony (amongst others) that states ‘Do something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life’. I don’t agree with that statement and prefer the adapted version ‘Do something you love and you’ll kinda work all the time’. That, to me, is a far better reflection of my life, but it’s ok, because I generally love the work that I do. So if I am kinda working all the time then that’s ok because it is something I enjoy. The fact that my family can be, and has been an integral component of that work over the years ensures that life and work are somewhat indistinguishable.??

Kailash was scuba diving from around the age of three, and by six helping with active reef restoration projects and preserving the reefs of Koh Tao. Satya wasn’t far behind actively involved in many of the conservation projects I worked on. We were living the dream. For primary education Kailash was home schooled, and Satya attended a small burgeoning international school with a class of just six students. We weren’t sure if such an unorthodox, unusual education and upbringing was “good enough’ or if it would hold them in good stead should we have to return to the ‘real world’ of structured western society. To some extent it was our own personal social experiment that logically made sense. We figured that the life experiences and the unorthodox upbringing would be valuable in whatever future life had in store. The results of this experiment however, would take many years to unfold, therefore we trusted in the world as we undertook this journey of life.?

In 2015 Kailash reached high school age and we decided to leave our idyllic island paradise and head to Australia, where I had not lived permanently since 1996. It wasn’t a forced decision, but we looked around and thought, as good as life has been in Thailand, there was definitely a sense that change was needed. Life guided us that it was time to move on. We settled on Byron Bay as a suitable destination. Why? It seemed quiet, pleasant and Tracey had some friends there. For us it was an ideal place to land, with our four suitcases (one each) and full of optimism. I enrolled in a Masters of Marine Science at a nearby university and the kids rolled seamlessly into the local schools. Once again, we lived locally, commuted mostly on bicycles and shared the transition to a new phase of our lives together as a family.

In 2016 I received an offer to work for the Great Barrier Reef Marine Park Authority (GBRMPA). It was a dream job so again life guided us, and we headed north to Townsville. I was surprised that my years of unorthodox experience as a scuba diver and conservationist on a small, remote island in the Gulf of Thailand was actually viewed as valuable by someone with enough vision to realise I had a wealth of experience to share. I was confident that my experience was valuable, however I wasn’t so confident that others, in the western system of structured educational systems governed by certificates and credentials would view my experience in a similar light. Again, the move to Townsville was not forced but was organic. An opportunity presented, and we went with the prevailing winds and sailed in that direction. It was never difficult, it was just life.?

Following a short stint at GBRMPA I was lucky to once again land on my feet gaining employment with Reef Ecologic in Townsville working on a range of projects both internationally and across the Great Barrier Reef. Working for Reef Ecologic, a private company, once again enabled me to include my family in my work/life/work/leisure journey. Kailash, Satya and Tracey became integral fixtures assisting with reef based projects and programs, supported by an executive that realised that family and their inclusion was important to the health of not only the individuals but the organisation as well. Kailash and Satya both assisted on reef restoration and citizen science projects and once again, life was work was life. I didn;t have to wonder when I would next see my kids or stress about being at the office too much. The office was often the ocean and if I was at the ‘office’ too much, I could usually bring them along to be a part of the ‘work’.?

Having Enough

One thing that has been constant throughout this journey is that we have always had enough. We’ve had enough money (never much more), enough friends, enough support and many challenges.?Social and cultural norms dictated that I as the male head of the family should be the primary financial provider, and this responsibility weighed heavily on me at times. There were many times during this 20 year experiment when I wondered how we would afford the next three, six or nine months. And yes, this was stressful. But I always looked back and realised that I had been through this cycle of concern many times before, and we always had enough, and often more than we needed. But we kept our needs minimal and survived knowing that if we had enough in the past, then we’ll probably have enough in the future. I am cognisant that our existence is not for everyone, check that, not for most. At 50 years old I have few assets and little material wealth to my name. But the journey of life we have experienced is irreplaceable and demonstrates that despite cultural recommendations, and, to some extent, expectations of the importance of material wealth, it is not essential.?

I feel like we have demonstrated to some extent that an unorthodox existence is attainable. Kailash is now 20 and thriving at the University of Queensland. He is evidence that the concerns we had that he may not be able to adapt, assimilate or participate effectively in modern life because of his remote and unusual upbringing did not materialise. If anything, he has benefited from the experience. In his marine science university classes he has, like me, real world experience to augment the theoretical training. He can relate to the classroom discussions and case studies far more easily thanks to years of participating in active coral reef research programs.?

Satya is 16 and struggling with many similar challenges that I did when I was 16, but at least today the challenges faced by young people are far more visible, sufferers are more vocal and together, as a family we are working through these issues. It also helps that today, mental health and associated challenges are viewed as a more common experience and something that should be aired and discussed. Our fear was always that our past unusual way of life would lead to an inability to ‘fit in’ in the western society we always knew we would likely return to end. If anything, the unusual existence has provided a more balanced, rounded perspective on life with which our kids can create their own unique existence, not limited by the boundaries of social and cultural norms and conventions.?

Today, we are about to embark on another journey. Work has presented an opportunity to move overseas. This current opportunity presented itself some years ago, but at the time, we, collectively, were not ready for such a change. I was tempted to accept, wondering if such a golden opportunity may not present itself again. However I reflected on past experience and realised that our having faith in the world to give us what we needed when we needed it had proven a successful strategy. Now, three years on, a similar, probably improved opportunity has arisen, and collectively we agreed that it is once again time to try something new, trusting that life has in the past guided us, nurtured us and supported us and repaid our faith in her in spades. So why would it be any different this time. The journey is part of the destination and this journey is far from over.?

Written by Nathan Cook?

With Tracey, Kailash and Satya?