Just A Little Respect: Give, and You Shall Receive

If your goal is to be influential but you fail to respect your audience, you’ve forfeited the game before it has even begun.

One thing is clear: when we feel even the smallest bit slighted, insulted, or talked down to, we tend to close ourselves off. We shift into “us versus them” mode and start seeing the disrespectful person as our opponent or even our enemy. So it’s important to NOT participate in those behaviors.

On the other hand, when someone treats us as equals, takes us seriously, and shows respect for our time, our intelligence, our point of view, or our attention, we tend to open ourselves up - if for no other reason to return their courtesy.

How do you give, and get respect and what different forms does respect take? 

A lot of people think that respect is a complex process. But here are simple everyday forms of showing respect. 

• Don’t overpromise! If you’re someone who over uses words like “promise” or “guarantee” - stop doing that. You are simply setting yourself up to fail when you inevitably can’t keep one. One bad apple can spoil the bunch when it comes to serious commitments like “promises”. Actions speak louder than words - you can make commitments and deliver on them without guaranteeing or promising that will be just as impactful.
• Underpromise and overdeliver - If a situation comes up where I need to guarantee a result, I always play it safe by underpromising then doing my best to over deliver. A pleasantly surprised client is one of the best situations.
• Ask for time before big decisions - if you’re a bit hesitant about overcommitting to a project, it's a sign to take a day or two to think. Don’t commit without thinking just because saying “yes” gets you something short term like money or press or status before you need to actually do the work. Think about how this decision affects you - and anyone else you’re making the decision for, over the long term.
• Apologize in advance - if you’re in a meeting and know you might need to leave to take a call for some truly legitimate reason, tell them in advance. This lets you put the matter on hold for now, but also ensures that whoever you’re with doesn’t feel disrespected if it happens.

Show up, and be on time - even if it kills you. It’s been said that “80 percent of success is showing up”. Bringing your full self to every interaction is one of the purest forms of respect, particularly in an era when our attention is multiplying by the second.

How to win the war against your phone: Your phone makes you superhuman, but how you manage your use of it in interactions with others will alter how people perceive you. We’ve all been there: you’re having a conversation with a friend or colleague and they look at their phone at the table. It doesn’t matter what the reason is. What matters is that in that moment the other person has officially disengaged from you and your conversation. They are no longer present. It’s a sign of disrespect. The bond is broken.

To recap: People are extraordinarily sensitive to even slight offenses, so if you step over the line at all you become their opposition and lose your persuasive edge. Maintain the edge and use your ability to get and give respect to your advantage.

If you can't show “just a little respect”, it’s going to be hard to be soulfully persuasive.

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This article contains topics and excerpts from the sixth chapter of my bestselling book, The Soulful Art of Persuasion, available most places books are sold including Amazon and Audible. For more info, visit www.thesoulfulart.com

Questions? Tweet me @Jason_Harris