Just Let It Go! Aarrgghhh!!!

Just Let It Go!

You ever this from someone? It is a perfectly sensible, obvious and logical thing to do and yet an infuriating thing to hear! It compares with being told to calm down when you are having a meltdown! You know it is the right thing to do but like so many things you have to decide when and how to let something go, someone telling you won't make a difference. If anything it can make you want to hold on to it even tighter.

Now, when I talk about letting things go I mean the things that are not serving you. The things that frustrate you, make you angry and result in you being stuck in one place. It could be a thought, a belief, a story, a memory, anything that is holding you back from moving forward with your life.

There is of course a sliding scale of stuff that happens that can put us into a place of holding onto something from minor annoyance to major trauma. Before I continue, I would like to say if you are suffering from past or recent trauma please reach out and talk to someone. Help is available!

What I want to address here is the middle of that scale, it is not trivial and it is not trauma, but it is defining you at the moment and it is holding you back.

So, firstly how good are you at letting go of trivial things?

For example you're driving down the road and another driver cuts across you. You have to break to slow down but well away from an accident. Of course in the moment you are incensed, the air in the car is blue and you are calling them every name under sun as you beep your horn! You may argue that this does not sound that trivial but you are fine, there was no accident and your car journey continued.

Do you tell everyone about it in order to validate your annoyance, frustration and anger?

Do you want everyone to be on your side and that you were right and they were wrong?

For how long after the event do you tell people? Does the story become more embellished each time you tell it?

Do you replay the event over and over in your head, adding in new scenes where you change the ending to what you want it to be?

All these responses are understandable but are they serving you? How much of your energy is being used to replay, repeat and reimagine this event? By going over this event again and again you are moving yourself back into the same emotions you experienced at the time, will this benefit you?

What could you do to let go sooner when trivial things like this happen?

First: Ask yourself "Am I ok?"

Second: Allow yourself to feel the emotions, be annoyed, angry, frustrated, upset.

Third: Say to yourself "I am ok now and I am moving forward"

Now let's have a look at more closely at stuff you are have been carrying around for a long time, and I mean the stuff you could have been carrying around for years. You have been carrying it for so long it is now a part of you. What started out as a small event or a series of small events became a defined chapter in your story, which in turn became a belief about yourself and is now integrated into your identity.

For example I remember my early years in secondary school struggling in English class, both English Literature and English Language. I was moved to a "lower class" and the belief that I was "not good at writing" was created. With the help of a fantastic and patient teacher and a lot of hard work on my part I came about with a double B in my GCSE's. This was in no way expected!

Now this experience was over 25 years ago, and the result was hugely positive. It enabled me to go into further education and higher education. I worked in the financial and customer service industry for 16 years where I had the responsibility to write to colleagues and customers. I am writing this article now. I have volumes of evidence, amassed over the years to challenge my belief that I am not good at writing, however these words can still pop into my consciousness from time to time.

If the words "I am not good at writing" are still cropping up for me, what the hell am I doing writing a weekly newsletter? They are just words! I don't believe them any more, I couldn't give a shite what these words say, they are not a burden and I am not carrying them.

What I have learnt over the recent years is to lean into discomfort and to challenge the beliefs I had about myself. And the realisation is that beliefs are just words, that I have quite ironically, put into a very succinct and powerful sentence!

By challenging and letting go of this belief "I am not good at writing" has it turned me into a literary genius? No, but that is not my goal. I want to write. I want to grow and get better and I want to express myself in this format. If I had continued to carry that belief with me I would not be doing this and that would be awful shame.

My challenge to you is to think of a belief that you are carrying around that is preventing you from doing something that you really want to do!

If you were able to challenge the belief that is no serving you and holding you back from doing something you really want to do what would you differently?

If you did the thing that interests and excites you for no other reason than the joy of doing it how could that benefit you?

I invite you to stop carrying the beliefs that do not serve you and pick up ones that do.