Just keep searching

I wrote this on Xanga 10 years ago. Having just graduated from college and spent months job searching in 2008 when the economy tanked. Hope this helps someone job searching!

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It’s high noon. There’s no schedule, nothing to do. I could stretch my legs as far as my body would let me, get a nice yawn to charge up my circulation. But I can only pull a sigh of despair. Clouds thicken, only the most stubborn sunrays pass through. One of them shines on me. It’s questioning me, highlighting me in red like an error. It wants me to keep my head up. And then there’s that ticking clock staring me, lecturing me about being active and productive. I’m tired of its ticking, it deafens me. Just passing through another day…Monday, Tuesday, it could be Friday.

I like reading technical literature. It helps me get through the day. I think of what I could potentially be, sometimes I even do calculations. But reality has this knack of reminding me at the right time about how pathetic I am. It does by giving me mail rejections, man I hate those. Sometimes I just don’t get any mails, which actually is a slower more subtle rejection. Every time everyday this happens, I feel I got shot by a large tranquilizer gun. My body is heavy, time runs slowly, distance widens, and space fills. I fight off the effect. It’s a wrestling match, a pretty good one at that. Sometimes it wins, sometimes I win.

We face off everyday at this high noon. I make sure my weapons are sharp. I think of how my resume looks, how the letter looks. This time they look good, they match well…I may have a good shot. I’m gonna kill it for good, I’m determined. Distractions are blinding me, trying to derail me. They’re tough, but they don’t bother me much. I got the spear of hope and the shield of patience. I’m gonna get through it. Soon I’ll be able to rest again.